Short and simple. I have been talking to someone for 3 months now, and we did have sex both our first times....after we did it, he started saying he wants to get closer to God and follow him...he told me "i wish you the best and hope you find the person youve been waiting for"... so im upset now and sad now...he took a piece of me that i will never get back. Lastly for the 3 months that weve been talking has been amazing! we have texted eachother each day since weve met.....Today he told me we should still grow to know eachother and he wants me to start reading the bible with him. He told me "please dont leave" me....finally we came to a mutual agreement that we would hug, masturbate, and kiss..no tounge just place are lips against one another no tounge. What should i do guys? we are very much good friends but this is stressing me out...i can do everything but have sex with him and tounge kiss him. Is he really trying to grow closer to God? or is that a tap out for being scared of his feelings for me?
Religion makes people do weird things. He sounds conflicted. It is not like he is saying "religion AND sex" and confidently sticking to it; and it is not like he is saying "religion and NO sex" and confidently sticking to it. He cannot make his mind up. Religion is screwing with his head. Either that or he is just using you. Either way, do you really want to be with someone like that? ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2017 at 07:29 PM ---------- Also. He has sex with you... and regrets it... and wants to get away from you. That is someone you want to be with?? He needs to sort himself out before he gets with someone. If you are with someone you care for deeply, it is gutting to think they feel regret and disgust at having sex with you.
what do you mean using me? please explain... i doubt that they are using me because the just bought me a 400.00 birthday gift and he asked me to come over tonight and read the bible together. ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2017 at 12:42 PM ---------- because he just brought me*
Read the bible? Oh boy what a wild night, make sure you take the necessary amount of recovery days. I meant use you in the sense of for sex. A gift of 400 £/€/$? That is excessive after 3 months. Especially when he cannot make up his mind whether he even wants you. His behaviour seems a bit erratic.
Your friend is someone with a tremendous amount of self-hate. He knows he's gay, but he can't reconcile being gay with his religion. So instead of actually trying to resolve the conflict, he's trying to have his cake and eat it too... rationalizing that if the two of you kiss and masturbate together, that somehow that's OK with God, but sticking his dick in your ass (or vice-versa) is not. It's complete bullshit, and you probably already know that. If he's trying to be a good Christian (in a Christian belief structure where gay sex is not OK) then he's failing. And that will ultimately doom your relationship. Another piece here is that I wonder how your own self-esteem is. Why would you have any interest in staying with someone who has contempt for the loving act of two people sharing sex together? Essentially, he's saying that he's better than you are, because he can be religious, be in a gay relationship, but doesn't want to have (what he's rationalized as) sex. And that isn't healthy for you. Now... I realize that he's tortured, and his religious teachings have taught him that being gay is a sin, and wrong, and that he'll go to hell. And that's a terrible place for him to be. But reading the Bible (with or without you) isn't going to solve his problems... it will make things worse. At some point, he will have to either acknowledge he's gay and change his perception of his religion (I'd get Matthew Vines' wonderful book "God and the Gay Christian" or watch one ore more of his videos), or go fully back in the closet and acknowledge that being gay is wrong and evil... in which case, you'll be left out in the cold. I agree, too, that he's using you for sex while he's confused, and that buying you a $400 present after 3 months is pretty excessive. You deserve someone who can love you fully. And people can only love another person as much as they love themselves. Someone who has convinced himself that mutual masturbation (which is sex) and non-tongue kissing is OK, but anal sex is not... has a lot of self-hate going on, which will get in the way of his being able to love you. It might be worth a conversation. And if you do decide to stay in the relationship... you're going to be waiting a pretty long time, and dealing with a whole lot of guilt, baggage, back-and-forth behavior, and an awful lot of patience. For me, that would be too big a hurdle.
Very true chip..this is the second guy back to back who has done the exact same thing man i just want to cry, like why does it hve to be this way.
As long as you're a good person I doubt your God would be too pissed off if you had sex. There's a lot of worse things that you could do.
I noticed that he's trying to guilt trip you into not leaving him. Guys that do that, eventually get into an emotional abusive relationship, and it's definitely not healthy for you, mentally wise. It does sound like he's pretty conflicted. the very fact that he's restraining himself sexually wise, proves that. buying you a $400 gift card? geez, that's a lot, and a bit too much for someone in a 3 month relationship.
i know....i slept over there last night and he asked was i ok? and i said yeahhh and then when we got up this morning he gave me a hug and said i love you so much...understand that all this is hard...and i said i understood... so i dunno i guess all i can do is hug him until he comes to terms with it...the scary part is what if he goes back to a woman because of what the bible says, thats when i will hurt. But im not really a sex type of person...but im hoping he does give in just a little as i dont think God will judge us for that.
So hold on. You have to understand how hard it is for him... but what about how hard this for you? It does not sound like he has considered that, so he is a bit selfish. How very Christian. Why are you concerned about the judgements of an imaginary deity? ---------- Post added 10th Jan 2017 at 04:50 PM ---------- I'd bin him off. You do actually have that choice.
OK, that changes the story quite a bit. In that case, you are either attracted to, or attracting, unavailable people. I'd place a pretty large wager that it is your self worth that's in the way here. For whatever reason, you don't believe that *you* deserve better. Here's a harsh question: Do you want a boyfriend, or a "project"? Staying with someone who hates himself because he can't reconcile being gay with his religious beliefs, and someone who is also rationalizing that some sexual behavior is OK while other is not is... not looking out for YOUR needs. You deserve better. And, as others have said, if he's using guilt to hold onto the relationship because HE is unwilling to do his own work and make a decision between his religion and what he's attracted to... isn't fair to you.
yes everything you are saying is spot on!! i just wish i can turn myself into you for a week he would been have been dropped haha. but chip its so hard...like well hang out, CONSTANT communication, constant i love you's etc etc...but when it comes down to sexual desires, its like HAULT! lol ahhhhhh!! almost like a girl who forces the guy to wait til marriage its so nerve wrecking.
Hes keeping you where he wants you. Do you want tol in that place? And what about when he changes the rules and moves you somewhere else. ---------- Post added 10th Jan 2017 at 07:57 PM ---------- Do you want to be in that place? And what about when he changes the rules and moves you somewhere else? It sounds like wherever you are will be up to him.
