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I love the idea of sex with a man but I can't shake the repulsed feeling afterwards

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by estebang, Jan 10, 2017.

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  1. estebang

    estebang
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    Hi guys, here's the thing: I've been increasingly feeling attracted to gay sex for the last six years. It all started as curiosity and then the thrill of trying new things while masturbating took over. I've always been open minded so I never minded "trying" stuff by myself.

    After a while, I started noticing that, although I kept finding women attractive, the idea of being fucked or sucking a dick or similar turned me on 10x more than the idea of fucking a woman. The difference was, and is, astonishing: I usually have to make an effort to get "turn on" by the thought of a woman while the idea of sucking a dick makes me hard in a second.

    The issue is the same one many people face: I lose interest after the fact. Now, keep in mind, it's not a logical thing, I have nothing against what I do (in this case, the idea of being with a guy), but my body rejects the thought instantly.

    I've been thinking increasingly and actively trying to find a guy I can suck off or similar, and the idea of doing it gives me rocket boners. But here's the thing: when I'm excited, I can do anything: anal masturbation, suck precum, edge and cum in my mouth, etc. I have no regrets, and no limits. The same apply to other guys, in theory: if I could suck someone off, I'm sure I'll be able to swallow everything without a second thought. As long as I'm hard and turned on, I can do anything.

    As soon as a I cum though, it goes away and it does it fast. For example, the idea of sucking and swallowing turns me on. After a while, all I want is to swallow some. I use the usual tactic, feet over head, and I start going until I cum. The same stuff I could swallow a second ago while masturbating and edging becomes suddenly untouchable.

    The same thing happens when I masturbate with my ass, or when I imagine frotting. I don't understand this. When I masturbate to women, I cum, lose interest, but I enjoy the idea of being with a naked woman in that moment, in that place. When I do thinking of a guy, or stimulating anything that's gay, I suddenly feel repulsed as soon as I finish.

    What does it mean? Is it possible that I'm so horny that the idea of sex allows me to do anything and then I lose interest? Does this happened to anyone else?

    The fact is, I'm sure that the moment I manage to give a blowjob to someone, I'll manage to swallow everything as long as I don't cum, and then I'll feel totally disgusted once I do cum. Why is this? How can I change this and enjoy this all the time?

    I'm tired of forcing myself to swallow or do stuff to make myself used to it...
     
    #1 estebang, Jan 10, 2017
  2. Chip

    Chip
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    Re: I love the idea of sex with a man but I can't shake the repulsed feeling afterwar

    HI, and welcome to EC.

    What you're experiencing is actually pretty normal. It's in part hardwiring and in part unconscious psychological.

    The hardwiring has to do with the biological process of orgasm. Immediately after orgasm, the neurotransmitter/hormone levels associated with sexual arousal drop dramatically. From an evolutionary perspective, this was necessary so that after sex we'd go out and forage for food... otherwise, we'd never stop having sex. :slight_smile: So some loss of interest is entirely normal.

    In your case, what's likely going on is that drop in hormones is triggering or contributing to unconscious feelings, driven by years of societal, media, religious, and other subtle messages that sex in general (and gay sex in particular) is wrong or dirty. Thirty years ago, most teens (gay or straight) felt this immediately after orgasm any time they masturbated, because sex was a lot more "dirty" or not talked about then. Society has since changed the messages we send to straight people such that sex isn't as taboo as it once was, and so fewer people feel that level of guilt or shame after orgasm.

    But for same-sex attracted people, it's still there, because there are still lots of messages we get -- even if we grow up in families that are totally supportive -- that being gay is wrong.

    So the long and short of this is, the more you simply embrace what you are attracted to, the more you enjoy yourself and the experiences you have, the more you'll reprogram the unconscious feelings and the less this will impact you.
     
    #2 Chip, Jan 10, 2017
  3. Totesgaybrah

    Totesgaybrah
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    Re: I love the idea of sex with a man but I can't shake the repulsed feeling afterwar

    I know exactly what you mean, and I'm pretty sure its very common. In fact I would be curious if any guys have not experienced this.

    Now I don't actually feel disgust anymore but I certainly used to, now its just like I lose the desire.

    Its probably shame or internalized homophobia, now I just feel how you feel about women after I finish. No shame or disgust just loss of interest, and you know that interest comes back pretty quickly.

    ---------- Post added 10th Jan 2017 at 12:30 PM ----------

    Whoops, Chip nailed it.:smilewave
     
    #3 Totesgaybrah, Jan 10, 2017
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