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That moment when you don't know what to do...

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by randomguyhere, Jan 11, 2017.

  1. randomguyhere

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    Hi guys, I'm new here. I'm visiting this forum for a long time now but I decided to sign up now, I need an advice and I know you guys can be really smart about these things, so if you have time, please leave a message...

    I don't even know where to begin but I will try to base on why I am here... I met a guy online who is a "youtube beginner" he has 3k subs now and he is talking about different topics and he is out as bi... I saw him like 3 months ago and I was like a normal sub, chatting and commenting, then he started doing live videos every saturday and we got close cuz I was literally there every time from first to last minute. Long story short, we became really close that we started talking about everything and umm... we kinda fell in love with each other... virtually... I know it kinda sounds creepy.

    Now, here is the thing... I never showed him myself. I was never ever before with a guy in relationship, date or anything. And I have a bunch of self-confidence issues. My childhood sucked. I was born as a fat baby and basically was bullied whole 12 years in school. Then I have bad yellow teeth for which I'm working so hard so I can fix them finally and get my life different, but it already took a lot time and it will take some as well. Also I came out last year to my family and they didn't accept. And I can't just be honest with him and tell him all these stuff. I showed him that I'm a positive guy and I guess I am, but when it comes down to the past, it all sucks. And now I feel like a gross person cuz he trusts me so much. He even said to everyone there that he would like to be in relationship with me and everyone is looking us as a "couple".

    He keeps chasing me and asking me about photo and I just keep answering that it has nothing to do with him, that I need to fix some things so after that I can send him. See? I already messed up there. I don't know, I just don't want to hurt him, his feelings or anything... But I know it will hurt me this way or another way. And I can't say to him, wait for 1-2 years... To wait for some stupid guy who can't even fix his own confidence. No, I would feel awful for that. And then again, letting him go from me would be a hurt situation as well. It's just a gross feeling guys, it hurts a lot, and seriously now, if I can choose now, I would rather choose myself to get hurt from this thing rather than him. I feel like I'm betraying him, he was honest with me whole time and I had to mess it up. I was trying to just leave and never get back in contact with him again, but it took only 7 days, I just couldn't have go more without talking to him.

    I feel like a really horrible person and I don't want to betray anyone. If you have anything to say, feel free to do so... I'm ready for all kinds of comments...
     
  2. adrenaline

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    well, these things are called complexes and it's totally fine to have some, firstly try feeling a little better with yourself in your own skin. if he trusts you as much as you say he does try bringing him up some things like articles about people with complexes, then maybe some stories how people need time to explain something to others or just mention that "hey, you know when people are shy? so what if i am the shyiest of them all?" or smth like that. maybe he will be the most supportive person ever? as you said it's better that you are hurt and not him, so try saying something, becuz the worst thing can happen is what? he'll stop communicating with you? i dont think so, you managed to fall in love virtually, trust in real life it is a lot more difficult, but a lot more worth your while ;s try taking some risks, i believe he will support you anyway, best of luck and keep us posted ^^
     
  3. andimon

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    I think no matter if you two are going to end up being together or not this is a great step in your life. You've been faced with your complexes and the option of dating someone who is apparently 'out of your league'. So regardless if you're going to glow up for him or anyone else, you'll be doing it for yourself in the first place.

    I remember myself realizing how much of a mess I was (nothing crazy, just that when I compare myself now to how I used to look like, I understand that a minimum amount of concern on my part would've made a great difference) when I first had a crush and really wanted to do something about it. Guess what? Although I didn't end up with him I still carried on with my beauty habits because I was starting to feel more like myself.

    There's always something you can improve about yourself, but the key is not freaking out or obsessing over it. Make strides at the beginning and then slow down the process when you're feeling more confident.

    For the time being, try fixing what's easiest to fix (a haircut, better matching clothes) and reach a point where you only have a handful things that need changed. It's better to work with a shorter list, because every new progress will exponentially feel as rewarding.
     
  4. Mariana

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    Changing the way you look to feel more comfortable with your body is a great and powerful thing. But please remember that you're doing that for you, not for anyone else.
    If he likes you so much already, maybe the way you look doesn't matter to him. Or maybe if and when he sees you he finds you really attractive. Or maybe he doesn't, but then that's a problem that would have come up sooner or later anyway.

    I understand your struggle and your hesitation. The thing is, other people are normally not as critical about your body as you are. They probably have their own issues with their own bodies that they're feeling insecure about. I mean, almost everybody has at least one thing about their body they're not totally comfortable with, right? And often other people don't realise that we worry about this one specific thing until we point it out. You said you're worried about your teeth, but when other people look at you they might not even realise that your teeth might be an issue.

    I agree with what has already been said, it's totally fine to tell him that you're shy and that you're worried he won't like what you look like. On the other hand, he's probably wondering why you're not sending him a picture. From his perspective this must seem a bit weird, you know? He doesn't know about your struggle so he might think that maybe you're not who you said you are. He has no way of knowing that you're the age you said you are or the gender or whatever else. Obviously, if you don't want to send a picture, don't. But if you do, just don't worry too much. I think it'll be fine.

    Good luck and feel free to keep us posted :icon_wink