Empty Closets Coming Out Resources and a Safe Place to Chat
Welcome Forum Chat Room Resources News Members

Go Back   Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people coming out > Support Area > General Support and Advice

General Support and Advice If you would like support and advice on something that doesn't fit into any of the other Support Area forums then you can post it here.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 11th Jan 2017, 02:52 PM   #1
meow
Regular Member
 
adrenaline's Avatar
 
Gender: tomboyish
Orientation: bisexual
Out Status: only friends, not all
Location: neverland
Age: 19
Posts: 26
Join Date: Dec 2016


i feel more and more stupid everyday...

i've been with my girlfriend for almost a year now and i'm still jealous of her ex... idk how to explain, i see their photos together and i feel like dying. i know she is with me now and she loves me unconditionally, but idk... her ex seems better than me about 1000 times... so what i'm asking maybe you guys could help to ignore that or idk suggest what i do or maybe i need changes in my life, maybe even our lives (mine and my gf) cuz idk sometimes it doesn't bother me at all and other times i wanna rip my skin out...
__________________
"it the time you wasted for your rose, that makes your rose so important."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
adrenaline is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11th Jan 2017, 05:40 PM   #2
Member
Regular Member
 
Katomic's Avatar
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: A few people
Location: Oregon
Posts: 76
Join Date: Dec 2016


Re: i feel more and more stupid everyday...

Does she know that this is bothering you?
Katomic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th Jan 2017, 04:55 AM   #3
meow
Regular Member
Threadstarter
 
adrenaline's Avatar
 
Gender: tomboyish
Orientation: bisexual
Out Status: only friends, not all
Location: neverland
Age: 19
Posts: 26
Join Date: Dec 2016


Re: i feel more and more stupid everyday...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katomic View Post
Does she know that this is bothering you?
i mentioned a little few times, but i hate saying smth if i dont know how to solve particular problem.. so until i figure smth i probably will keep silent
__________________
"it the time you wasted for your rose, that makes your rose so important."
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery
adrenaline is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th Jan 2017, 11:06 AM   #4
User Title
Regular Member
 
meistro's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Bisexual
Out Status: Not out at all
Location: Little Rock, Arkansas
Age: 25
Posts: 86
Join Date: Dec 2016


Re: i feel more and more stupid everyday...

better than you? how so? is she a better sleeper? a better breather? is she better at blinking? Your girlfriend is with you now, not her...so it seems to me like your gf thinks your better or she wouldn't be with you. I think everyone feels like that from time to time about their partners ex and it's understandable, just don't let it consume you. Think positive things about yourself. Avoid thinking negatively about yourself or you'll be consumed by jealousy and low self esteem
meistro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th Jan 2017, 11:18 AM   #5
EC Addict
Regular Member
 
Creativemind's Avatar
 
Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Location: United States
Posts: 1,568
Join Date: Sep 2015


Re: i feel more and more stupid everyday...

It's insecurity, and you can talk to her if you want to about it. Obviously she's not going to be better or else they never would have broken up to begin with (even if your gf was dumped, I'm sure the dumping would have made her seen her ex's true colors).

Honestly, I think you need help. If you don't tackle it now it can lead to trust issues in the relationship.
Creativemind is online now   Reply With Quote
Old Yesterday, 08:07 PM   #6
Member
Regular Member
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Figuring it all out with time
Location: New York
Posts: 10
Join Date: Dec 2016


Re: i feel more and more stupid everyday...

I strongly suggest you nip the problem in the bud by talking to your girlfriend in depth about how you feel
Sky123 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 07:19 AM   #7
Newbi
Regular Member
 
KitSylph's Avatar
 
Gender: Bi-gender
Orientation: Pansexual
Out Status: Some people
Location: Burlington, VT
Posts: 83
Join Date: Nov 2016


Re: i feel more and more stupid everyday...

I agree with some of the other posters: it sounds like the relationship is great, and that you're the person she wants and needs, but that maybe it's hard for you to feel like it's appropriate to be loved like that, because you are so acquainted with your flaws and maybe haven't had a lot of encouragement in your life. I also agree that this is very serious stuff and that you're smart to bring it up, and that it would probably really help to talk it out, preferably with a good therapist (does your insurance plan offer anything, or are there any clinic-like options near you?).

I'm not sure I would suggest talking about this to your girlfriend in depth, because it might feel to her like you're doubting her love for you or that she's doing something wrong. As far as I can tell (from just reading what you've posted here, so I could be way off!) this is your issue to deal with, so while I think you're smart for having shared it, I think the hard work is yours to tackle rather than hers. At the same time, that work is really hard to do alone, which is why I suggest a therapist--or at least a wise, sympathetic friend. If you don't have anybody else you can talk to in depth about it, message me: I don't know how wise I am, but I'm sympathetic!

Also remember that this doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, even though it might *feel* like there's something wrong with you. You're exactly who you're supposed to be, and we all have worries about being good enough sometimes, especially if there's someone else to compare ourselves too who looks better from the outside.

Good luck!
__________________
-- Kit

she/her/hers (or he, they...it's all fine )
KitSylph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 11:15 AM   #8
Well Known
Regular Member
 
bunnydee's Avatar
 

Gender: Female
Orientation: Lesbian
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 179
Join Date: Dec 2016


Re: i feel more and more stupid everyday...

Quote:
Originally Posted by adrenaline View Post
i've been with my girlfriend for almost a year now and i'm still jealous of her ex... idk how to explain, i see their photos together and i feel like dying. i know she is with me now and she loves me unconditionally, but idk... her ex seems better than me about 1000 times... so what i'm asking maybe you guys could help to ignore that or idk suggest what i do or maybe i need changes in my life, maybe even our lives (mine and my gf) cuz idk sometimes it doesn't bother me at all and other times i wanna rip my skin out...
When you are in a relationship, you see a different side of that person than everyone else does. The side she saw in her ex isn't the same as what you see and are judging on. Take it as fact that there was something she saw and did not want or like.
__________________
Life is to short to worry about the past. Forward thinking is the only way to be.
bunnydee is online now   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 01:02 PM   #9
The Mad Queen
Full Member
 
Lazuri's Avatar
 

Gender: Female (trans*)
Orientation: Probably lesbian but possibly pansexual
Out Status: The closet is finally empty.
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Age: 24
Posts: 2,304
Join Date: Jan 2015


Re: i feel more and more stupid everyday...

I'm also going to say that you should talk to her about it. This very clearly stems from insecurity, so I'd make it very clear to her that she hasn't done anything wrong and that you're acting irrational due to insecurities. She is the best person to help you lay those insecurities to rest; I sincerely doubt anybody on this site would even be able to.
__________________

"I'm not broken.... I will become Alice."
#plasticforever
Lazuri is offline   Reply With Quote
Old Today, 01:12 PM   #10
Forum Admins
Administrator
 
Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Out to everyone
Location: northern CA
Posts: 17,308
Join Date: May 2008


Re: i feel more and more stupid everyday...

One of Brené Brown's powerful phrases, "The story I'm making up is..." can help here.

You can talk with your girlfriend and tell her exactly what the story you're making up is... that her ex was better than you, that you're afraid she'll leave you and go back to the ex, whatever it is. Talking about it with her will help.

The second piece is working on your own worthiness. Deep down, you don't believe you're worthy of your girlfriend. That's where this is coming from. And that will take time to fix. I would strongly suggest you consider working with a therapist on this issue, because if you don't, it will likely find its way into other aspects of your life as well.

This is a very solvable problem, and the first step is bringing it into the open so you can work on it.
Chip is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:49 PM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright (c) 2004-2015, Empty Closets Community Services
The Empty Closets name and logo are registered trademarks of Empty Closets Community Services

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21