Hi all... Just curious... if anyone else has had such a fight with a parent that the only way to heal and move forward is actually to (I can't find a way to say this without sounding mean) ... sever all ties???? I came back from overseas last year and I had to move in at home. I can't afford my own place and together my my sibling, we basically cover the household expenses. Our parents live with us. Today I got into such a fight with my mom - she called me some really bad things (including F***ing c**t). All I did was stand up for myself - after months of just walking away and taking it and keeping quiet. This woman has treated me like this as far back as I can remember and today after the fight she said she will cut ties, remain in her room and we don't have to talk to each other. She did the same with my grandmother and her brother. She tends to resent when people are happy or stand up to her... So, although her opinion of me doesn't matter and I really don't care whether I talk to her or not, has anyone else had this experience? For me, I feel like I can finally breathe and live my life. I have been hiding and suppressing who I am for her sake as, even though I came out 12 years ago, I definitely feel she resents me being gay. Even hates me on some level. Yet over the years I have done nothing but help out even while living abroad. Thanks for reading. LW79
Hi Lone Wolf, This sounds very like my mum. Demanding. Selfish. Cruel. Manipulating. Cutting off anyone who does not give her / do everything the way SHE wants it. I did cut all ties with her. And, sadly, every other member of my family followed suit. It turned out their demands and to be brutally honest, BULLYING, all stemmed from me being gay. I "made her the way she is" apparently. Anyway, my advice because of the ways i wish i had responded - know that people only treat other people like shit because they are unhappy in themselves. I wish i had written down my feelings or found a way to tell my mum exactly what her behaviour was doing. I wish I had been more demanding and told her to get help for her own miserableness. I wish i had told her that cutting people off will never get her anything but loneliness. That she needs to compromise or spend her life alone. Please try everything to talk to her, whether written or verbal. If and only if that does not work, then i would say yes, cut ties. I definitely felt immensely freed when i did, but i wish i had done more before i did. *wife throws in comment - "you fucking did try everything". Ok then lol
Hi Lynz, Thanks for your reply. I am sorry to hear this also happened to you. I have tried for years... even while in school, to get her to seek help. I tried from abroad even. I was away for almost 7 years and she still managed to control me, bully me. She is my biggest bully! I have encouraged her to find help now that I am back. My dad and sister have also tried. She refuses to accept that she has the issue. It's everyone else, not her. She used to push me away, then come apologising... vicious cycle. But at some point, I have to say enough is enough. I can't live with this passive/aggressive stuff anymore. When I told her how WE feel when she talks to us rudely, she said she has the right to! OMW! How can someone treat others badly and not expect that one day, someone will eventually stand up to them? No one else ever has and now I have. Many times. It doesn't go down well but it needs to be done. Because of her, I am even too afraid to meet someone with whom I can share my life with. It will just cause fights.
Hiya Yup, same as mine. Is there anyone else, like elder to her, that can have a word? I was back in touch with my aunt (her big sister) a while ago (not anymore, due to the family bullying her down into not talking to me again, blah blah) and she said she wishes she had known more back then because she would have bollocked her. Can't guarantee it will work, but if elders understand the hurt she is causing (herself and others), they may step in and tell her what's what. I hope you find happiness x x x
Unfortunately not. She has some friends but they don't know what the situation is like. She paints this picture that all is well and cozy but the rest of us know differently. If my grandfather (her dad) were still alive, I would talk to him and he would have told her her fortune.
God sooooo like my mum! Her dad would have tore her apart for her behaviour. Take everything one day at a time honey, keep following what is the right thing to do in your heart. Keep not allowing bullying. Keep being open and honest. The right things will happen. Whether she learns from it will be up to her. You will be ok, whether with biological family or other real family. Tons of hugssss ---------- Post added 15th Jan 2017 at 01:13 PM ---------- I have bumped into so many of my mum's friends over the years since the family cut me off. They bollock me for "hurting my mum / breaking her heart". I ask them what they know. It's never the truth. So i tell them the truth. They instantly back down. Everyone knows what is truly right. She will one day too.
I hope one day to tell all her friends how life is in our house. How she controls everything because she can't control her own anxiety. It's not my fault I was born and also not for being gay but she makes like I owe her ... that's not right. I hope she gets it one day... but sadly it won't be soon and maybe losing me will make her realise her actions are wrong. It isn't ideal but I need to think of myself and my mental health. My friends are my family and I know they love and support me. My dad and sister too. I will be OK in time I guess. Thanks for the hugs. Right back at ya.
