I'm struggling with being gay because I feel so different. When I see a pretty girl and I'm not attracted to her, it makes me feel "off." The thought process goes like, "Most guys would be attracted to this girl...why can't I just be like most guys?" Does anyone relate to this? It makes me feel discombobulated, like there's something wrong with me, even though I know there isn't actually anything wrong with being gay. It's hard to explain.
Hi there... I can totally relate. I feel exactly the same from time to time... even day to day... I came out, dated (only 2 relationships), but still felt weird. I also know there isn't anything wrong being gay but part of me wonders ...when I see a pretty woman, I'm like..oh wait... you're gay... it's weird to explain. I am trying a bay steps/day-by-day thing to help me feel better about myself. I have a friend who helps and supports me and we talk often about how I feel. He is also gay and it took him long to fully be himself. Maybe a friend to talk to could help? Hugs
Thanks. Yeah, it's hard for me because before I came out, I wasn't consciously "forcing" myself to like girls in order to keep up appearances. Like, I used to think I was attracted to the singer Demi Lovato and the actress Jennifer Lawrence, but now that I'm out, I realize that I just think they're beautiful women, but I'm not actually attracted to them. And it just freaks me out that I was able to trick myself into believing that I was interested in them. But I guess when you're in a homophobic environment like I was, your defense mechanisms kick in and cause you to deceive yourself...it's quite strange lol.
I hear you loud and clear... I did the exact same. I forced myself to like a cellist at my university's music school, I even went so far as to tell a friend I had a crush. While I did think she was pretty, I realised that I was fooling myself all along. I still find sometimes I try to make myself like women that way but ... it's not going to work and that's where I am now .. .trying to let myself be me... and re-adjust to being out. (Living in a closeted/homophobic country for almost 7 years after coming out was not the best idea but it is what it is and now I am re-adjusting, lol).
Lol yeah, I did the same thing, told a bunch of my friends I had a crush on a girl I was forcing myself to like and then when they were all like "oh my gosh, who is it!?" I was like "UHHHH, no one." So awkward haha.
LOL... I know right. I was worried my friend would go an tell her (he was a music student and she was in his classes... I was like... You dare!!!!! So weird. So awkward. I eventually told the same friend I was gay and he was like... OH... so what is that like? Again, awkward
Haha nice. I remember my friends were pressing me to tell them who it was and one friend was like, "Is it someone I know?" and I think I said "yeah" without specifying who it was, and I was so worried he was going to figure it out and tell the girl in question that I liked her...maybe if I had blurted out her name I actually would have come out back then because I would've realized I was forcing my crush on her lol...hindsight is 20/20, I guess. Ahaha, "so what is that like?", that's such a weird question lol. I would not know how to answer that.
