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First Gay experience went wrong

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by vrael101, Jan 15, 2017.

  1. vrael101

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Houston
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    So, yesterday, after months of waiting, I decided to go out with a "date" via ***** (I know what you're thinking, it's dangerous and all, but I was desperate.) Obviously, it didn't work out, and that's why I'm here. It started off ok, he picked me up a couple meters from my house, as I still lived with my parents, and we went off to the nearest park. As it was 2 a.m., we had complete privacy, but I was still nervous and felt weird due to this being completely new for me. He tried walking me through it and, honestly, was a really sweet guy. But, when it came to the actual thing, the handjobs and him giving me head (after he wiped all of the pre-cum off my dick...twice) just didn't feel good and I couldn't finish, even when I tried doing it myself. We even tried kissing, and I wasn't a fan of his french/neck kissing either, as it felt creepy. In the end, I just had him drive me back, and I tried hiding my shame on the way back with humor (my coping mechanism).

    What went wrong? This was a scarring first experience for me.

    (Edit: Site name removed by moderator. These names are blocked for a reason, please don't try to get around the filter.)
     
  2. I'm gay

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    I can't think of too many more un-romantic places to have sex than in a public park (did you stay in the car?)

    You asked what went wrong. I think having sex with a total stranger in a public place, and it being your first time, is a recipe for it not going well.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting guys through apps. I have. Some people are more ready for those experiences than others. But do realize that these apps are primarily for hookups, no strings attached. That's fine if that's what you're looking for, but if you want to have a real relationship with a guy, maybe that's not the best place to start.

    Another way to proceed is to meet with the guy from the app at a restaurant or other public setting, and just get to know the person first. There's no requirement that you have to have sex with a guy you meet with on the first time meeting them.

    I hope this helps.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  3. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    I agree with the above poster.

    What a lot of people don't realize is that sex, arousal, and orgasm are a complex and interrelated function of the psychological (both conscious and unconscious), physical, and emotional.

    So you had a whole bunch of things working against you:
    -- It was your first time, so you didn't know what to expect
    -- You were concerned about your safety
    -- You were concerned about meeting a strange guy
    -- You were likely concerned about the public setting and someone seeing you
    -- You likely felt guilty or ashamed
    -- You were concerned about "doing it right"

    Any one of those alone could easily be enough to derail sexual arousal. Add them all together and it would have been a miracle if you'd been able to orgasm.

    So in short... it's nothing to worry about, and a pretty common outcome for people in your situation.

    Also... a hookup on a hookup app isn't a date... not even a "date". :slight_smile: It's a hookup. Nothing wrong with that if it's what you're after, but it's important to recognize it for what it is. Hookup culture is very different from dating, and it works for some people... while others enjoy the opportunity to get to know the person, spend time with them, and only then pursue something sexual. Perhaps you're more in the latter category. If so, hookup apps aren't the right place to be looking.