Hello! I'm a new 17 yo member, who really doesn't know where to post so I just picked the general category It's not like I have one precise question, but I just generally need advice about how to go on with things... I'm either gay or bi, still not settled, but I'm leaning towards being gay. I've recently started uni and have wanted to be very open about my orientation, but the issue is... I wear the hijab, and it's not exactly an indicator of someone being in the LGBT community. It's even a reason why I'm still scared to go to my uni's pride center... I mean, I've lived my whole life with a very anti-LGBT family, and can understand why people don't trust muslims. I'm myself more of an atheist, but I can't exactly go and drop the act when I'm still living with my family. I'm obviously not out to any of them, and don't ever plan on being so. That makes it hard to start trying to date... Plus, I was raised to be quite sheltered, which makes it even harder to go into flirting territory. And... quite frankly, I'm not very attractive, haha! So a bit of advice on that might be useful. I have only ever dated one girl, but we never went into anything sexual (mostly because our parents were always around). We ended up breaking up because she got together with a guy, though :/ I also wonder sometimes about what my preference actually is. I really don't know whether I'm attracted to men or not... I mean, I sometimes feel like calling myself bi simply because it leaves the choice open. I'm sure I'm attracted to girls and have made my peace with it a good time ago (I started questioning when I was 9!), but have considered myself bi until I finished high school, and realized I never crushed on anyone male, and ended up labeling myself gay. I don't think it matters that much, but I don't know which to use if I end up going to the pride center in my uni! That's actually the main problem, haha! I might post a few more of my reflexions later on, but I can't think of the rest right now... Thank you for reading through my rambling!
First of all, I see it's your first post, so welcome to EC ! (*hug*) I think this thread is more "Sexual and Romantic Orientation"-themed. So, now, let's dive into your issues. First of all, don't stress too much about being gay or bi. As you said, saying "I'm bi" leaves the choice open. And after all, you have a full life to know it. For the "indicator of being in the LGBT community", maybe you could try pins ? I plan on buying some for myself. There are a lot of designs, and they are easy to hide, if you really don't want your family to know. As we speak about your family, you're right not coming out to them if you know they are anti-LGBT. And you're 17, so, you'll be legally free in less than one year ! And for dating, I feel ya, I'm shy and kinda ugly, but I'm sure you're attractive, and if you aren't (which is false), I'm sure you're beautiful inside, and it's way more important for a relationship. I hope I kinda helped you, and that you'll go to your uni's pride center, not all schools have them, so make use of it ! Stay strong and awesome !
I can't say I've been in your situation before, but I would be totally fine if somebody with a hijab showed up in the LGBT centre. In fact I would be sure to welcome them because it often takes them a lot of effort to turn up, for the reasons you described. Before approaching relationships and such, you might want to try getting to know other LGBT people, hence improving your confidence. This could be done by attending a club or centre. The people you meet may also be able to give you some advice, particularly if you meet somebody who had once been in a similar situation to yours. You don't need to have decided on a label in order to go the centre, many people go through months without sticking to a label (me being one of them). Just take it easy and don't stress out about your sexuality too much; the answers will come to you eventually.
I wouldn't think much of anything if someone with a hijab showed up to a LGBT group. Gay people come in all different appearances, religions, and backgrounds.
Thank you very much for the replies! It does give me a bit more confidence to be able to go to the centre And yes, I guess the label can come when I'm ready to choose it.
