high expectations in the "gay dating" world

That's kind of how dating men is in general (even for straight women). Men are more visual, judge on looks more, expect a media perfect body, and crave sex and hook-ups more often because of testosterone.

Now...that's not to say all men are like this at all, but this is a common challenge behind dating them.

 

Hey TanMan

I feel the same. One of the worst and most damaging flaws in Society in general, and our Community, which has taken it to an unsurpassed level, is body image, beauty, weight and age.

For a person to be SO motivated to lose 100 pounds speaks volumes! That is an incredible accomplishment. You will hit your goal. No doubt. And that should tell you that when you want something, you have the ability to get it. PERIOD. That is your take away.

You are young and making a difference in yourself. Your health, your look and hopefully your self esteem and worth. I don't know where you are in the State, but every Gay person and every other person here has to deal with image in some way. Some areas are worse than others. Don't fixate, don't obsess and don't despair. A person who has achieved what you have should be proud of themselves and continue to achieve your goals and not worry about other people's thoughts.

That's hard. I've lived it a long time. You have to love you first. Don't lose weight because you think it will find you love. Do it for yourself. Believe in yourself, project confidence, stay away from the bars and the apps. If you don't want a one time hook up, don't go there. The stereotype is perpetuated there.

Stay true to yourself and stay your course. HE will see you one day and you will see HIM.

Live for yourself and have patience. Peace, love and happiness.

 

I know it's easy to think that the entire dating world works that way--I mean, hell, you yourself said you like that type--but all I can say is that when you've been around the block a few times you see that it just doesn't. People draw the leagues in so many different ways that saying someone's out of your league doesn't really have a lot of meaning.

Sure you have to bring something to the table and looks is something that people bring to the table but there's so much more. When you look at the couples around you through the lens of traditional body image, and it's hard not to, after a while you see that a lot of gay couples just don't make sense from that perspective. I know a LOT of couples that when you look at it that way you just have to scratch your head and think, how did that happen? But when you get to know them you're like oh right, THAT's how it happened.

An old friend from back in the day always comes to mind when this issue comes up. I'll call him S. Well, S was short of short and a little heavy. To be honest if you looked at our group from the outside you would probably describe him as the squat one, maybe on a less charitable day you might describe him as the dumpy one--unless you got to know him. Because S was one of those guys that just sparkled. He could hold a conversation with a rock and be funny and charming the whole time. After about 15 minutes conversation you were led to the conclusion that he was one of the most fascinating people you'd ever met--mainly because he managed to convince you that your were too! Guys were just putty in his hands--it was truly amazing to watch. S had a penchant for underwear models. It became sort of a running joke because S repeatedly dated not just guys who looked like underwear models but actual underwear models--like guys who made a living that way.:lol:

I'm not saying you should run out and find an underwear model--to be honest most of them we ended up thinking weren't really good enough for S--but just that all sorts of people are looking for all sorts of different things and there are all sorts of assets you can bring to the dating table.

 

I am not the type of underwear model, but I am a muscular guy with 6 pack, big arms and torso and the type of the guys I am attract to are the opposite.
I don't like muscular guy I preffer chubby guys I am very into chubby or guys that are not muscular, I would say I don't like skinny and muscular guys, WHY ......
Some guys that are too fit, they can handle a conversation or if I say let's have some ice cream or junkie food they might refuse, also most of them are too narcissist.

you will find someone that like you the way you are ! =)

Chubby are the BEST !!

 

It was good to read OGS' post and I was especially interested in the comments about his friend "S", who always got the guy despite his appearance.

The ultimate reality is this (whether you are a gay guy or straight guy): a good body, cute face and perfect smile will only get you so far. Yes, it might be to your advantage in the bedroom department and help to get you laid a few times, but sexual chemistry fades very quickly, so what happens after that? If you have the body of an Adonis, but the personality of a slug, your chances of a healthy, enduring relationship are near zero. Trust me, I have met some underwear models who are damn ugly and stupid beneath the false veneer.

If some men gave their personalities a thrice weekly workout, in the same way as they do their bodies we might have better and more stable relationships that bring us real happiness. Sadly men pay scant regard to what's going on inside and live under the illusion that a good body will do it all. It won't!

So it's great that you are trying to achieve a good healthy weight and intend to take up regular exercise and I commend you for that, but make sure you are doing it for the right reasons, especially if you are seeking real dates and good relationships, rather than quick hook ups.