It happened again. I almost lost yesterday. It's not gone but it's like the event happened a few months ago. I had a hangover and an alcohol level of 1,9. This can happen about twice or three times a year. On other occasions I can stay rational and depending on the party have 1 drink and stop or put my level on average 1,4. This is for not having a hangover but a very good time. At least last night gave me one good thing: I cut lots of stupid people out of my life. I actually like my 1,4 situations best. Why the hell do I crave these escalations sometimes? I feel like shit the day after... eight fucking hours of sleeping and vomiting... I believe I have an addiction already. Not to alcohol, I can't have it regular, then I'm bored and sick of it when it becomes routine. I am addicted to driving fast. Doing stupid things. Anything that stops the routine. Because then there is peace.
This is a red flag. There's nothing wrong with the occasional drink, but if you need alcohol to have fun, there is a problem. You said you think you don't have an addiction. But, judging by what you said, alcohol is becoming a problem, as you aren't controlling the quantity you are drinking. If that's the case, you should try to stop drinking completely for now. Don't try drinking until 1,4 , just don't drink for now. Having fun shouldn't be dependent on alcohol. If you are having trouble stopping, you should talk to a therapist about it. You don't need to fear uncomfortable seeking help if you think it will be useful.
Have you tried speaking to someone about it because if possible someone you trust (Parent, teacher, social worker (just examples)) and see if they can help you try and get over it.
I can have fun without alcohol too. And this party drinking, I'm right in the middle according to who drinks the most on average. The next two weeks I'm most likely not gonna drink anyway. I got work to do and don't want it to impact my quality of sleep. I am very resistant against hangovers (I was a picture of misery in the morning and now I'm fine) but it is that extra bit of tireness I can't stand when I work. I don't want anyone to worry or create havoc.
