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How do you get past rejection?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Kodo, Jan 19, 2017.

  1. Kodo

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    How do you get past rejection, or the loss of a loved one on account of your sexuality or gender identity?

    I have tried to reason it. But I don't know that I can get past losing my family. There is no matter of "what if they won't," because believe me, they will. And this tears me to shreds.
     
  2. brians34

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    Kodo, it's a hard question. I don't know how old you are or how able you are to take care of yourself, but everyone has their "own time" as to when they feel comfortable.

    I felt that I was going to be rejected also, but I've been totally surprised as to how accepting the people around me have been.

    You have to do what's right for you. If you are comfortable with yourself and self-supportive, it makes things a little easier to handle the thought of or actual rejection.

    If you're not self-supportive and are worried that you might lose your means of support, that does make it harder.
     
  3. Canterpiece

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    It's easier to get over it when it's with friends- when you lose friends, yeah it hurts- but then you realise that they were never really friends with you in the first place, they were friends with the person they THOUGHT you were. But when it's family, you grew up with them, there's that connection there... so it must be harder to move on.

    I'm not out to anyone in my family, but unlike you I know they'll be accepting so I can't really help much here. Do you have any LGBT friends you could talk to about this? Perhaps somewhere else you could stay?

    ---------- Post added 21st Jan 2017 at 08:50 PM ----------

    I wish you the best for Spring, with any luck you should be able to get the funds you need for University.

    ---------- Post added 21st Jan 2017 at 08:53 PM ----------

    *Even friends that are allies perhaps.
     
  4. Rainbowkitten27

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    Kodo,

    I am sorry for what you are going through. I know it doesn't fix anything, but sometimes someone just needs to say sorry. Thank you for posting this because I reached out to a blogger several weeks ago who is gay and Christian whose family accept her but not her sexuality because they don't understand it based on what the Bible seems to say about homosexuality. I felt like a fool for being 27 and talking to her so much about my mom and how to get her to understand and accept me. But I realized my family is my home, as much as they irritate me and hurt me with their extreme political views, they are my best friends, my blood. It feels horrible to have been through so much with them, but who I am attracted to--something I have zero control over and have desperately tried to change--is the thing that makes me unlovable. It feels horrible to be a legal alien in their midst, knowing you don't belong but wanting to anyway because they are the ones you grew up with, who raised and loved and know you better than anyone. To suddenly be "an orphan" and lose them because of who you love or are merely attracted to seems so ridiculous, but is sadly a reality for many. As great as it is to have a "tribe" of LGBT people, no one can ever replace parents and siblings.

    For my family, being gay is a religious issue and my mom believes shunning this part of me and fighting it is actually helping me. My brothers were raised to be homophobic by my dad, believing hating gay people is Biblical and gays are destroying society with their "agendas". So knowing the root of why you may be rejected--cultural, spiritual, personal issues, lack of education or knowing LGBT people--will help you better understand how to prepare in coming out. Sometimes people have this silly stereotypical image of gay people, so when you come out and suddenly your face replaces that caricature, it can be a shock and people change their minds to an extent. But if they don't and you do lose them, it's like a death. It will always hurt. Maybe they will come around because you don't just lose them--they lose you too and they may not be able to deal with that for very long.

    Personally, even though I have been failing lately, I try to be there for them as much as I can and love them. Enjoy the time you have, even though it hurts to think that it has an expiration date, but life does: we lose people sooner or later for some reason. Being a Christian, I have had to have a lot of talks with my mom and had to agree with a lot of her points of view. While she now knows about me and hasn't kicked me out, she has rejected this part of me and I have found comfort on forums and through online friendships. So it may be possible to come out a little with your family and still have them not disown you, but like me, you may have to set boundaries or abide by their wishes such as not dating or being celibate. It seems impossible, but coming out and getting your family to adjust is a process. Give them time and, no matter what, never spring it on them or get angry. Be calm and answer their questions. Show them this hasn't changed you. Try to stay hopeful; it's all you can do sometimes. I just have to try not to think about it too much because, yes, it does tear you to shreds.
     
  5. YeahpIdk

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    I'm so sorry you're going through this.

    If you aren't independent from them, wait until you are. If you live on your own and support yourself, get a group of friends around you to be there if things go as badly as you think they will. Joining a support group/seeing a therapist may be helpful in dealing with any rejection.

    I imagine it is never easy, though. Just know that if you aren't accepted, it's not your fault, they are the ones being stupid and ignorant - and those people don't deserve to have you in their life. You deserve happiness and to be yourself.