I really need some help holding myself together. I am one of two trans kids in my school. When I can out last week I had expected to have a similar experience as my friend when she came out. I was originally met with this for the first 3 days then I found out the parents had decided 2 trans kids was two to many. They can't do anything about us being trans but starting last Friday there was a lot of talk about parents requesting time to talk at a board meeting. I feel like over the last week I have been doing a great job of keeping. Myself together but I'm starting to fall apart. To start I got a huge amount of support from family and friends and I am so happy about this and I feel blessed to have such great family. My friends and other students have been fine and many of them have been extremely supportive of me. Now the board meeting was Tuesday and it didn't go to good. Legally we can't be kicked out of the bathroom if our preferred gender which made parents extremely mad. I personally find it just embarrassing for the parents because they were trash talking 2 teenagers but it still hurts. My friend had more problems because she is mtf and a rumor had started that she was seen entering the girls bathroom in the elementary wing and a little girl was then seen walking out crying. I know this isn't true because we aren't allowed to use the elementary bathroom without being specifically told to and the only time my friend used it was 10pm when I kids where there. There is also always an adult supervising the bathroom when kids are in it. This rumor has been causing a lot of issues for my friend. A man even threatened to beat her up for usin the same bathroom as his 6 year old granddaughter which never even happened. I just need to hold on for my friend and for my mom. This all hurts my mom hearing me called an it and a thing. I was doing so good at keeping everything together but I am just so tired. No one realizes I've been being as strong as I can for months as I fought with myself over my gender identity and then coming out and I'm almost out of strength. I just want to be done with it all and spend like a month recoopersting with nothing but my Netflix where gender and people don't matter. The last month my grades have been slipping as I've been distracted and I ant have that seeing as midterms are next week. I just have been struggling. I had a complete loss of social skills the other day and could not think of how to interact appropriately with humans. I find it hard to eat and I feel sick whenever I try and I can't sleep I've started taking melatonin and it hasn't helped at all I'm at an average of 3 or 4 hours most week nights and then I sleep for 12 hours straight on weekends. I am just starting to struggle so much and I have so many people telling me how strong I am and I really am not I want to scream at them and I want to cry and hit things and I hate feeling like this. I'm not an emotion all person at all I don't cry or get mad or anything. I'm sorry if this post is just a complete mess I just really need help to get my life back on track especially before people start noticing.
This isn't a matter of people starting to notice: as I've realised over these past few years, when you get in a situation like you're in right now, you need to tell someone how you're feeling. I talk to my mum and my best friend about my problem; my ftm friend talks to me and his girlfriend about his problems (much the same as yours sadly); and my best friend will only talk to her therapist about her problems. The point is having someone to de-stress to is important, whoever they might be, especially when you're in such an intense environment already (school). You don't need to keep yourself together, just to be honest about how hard it is to do so. You're really brave for seeking out advice about everything that's going on - I know I didn't at 15 - so well done and I hope we provide some good help for you.
