Hello guys! I have a major question and I am really stressed about this, and I really wish that things turn out as I have always wanted. I am 19 (absolutely closeted) and am a university student. In my 3rd semester I had a major crush on one of my very good friends. I used to stare at him all day long. I am not sure if I loved him or was it a mere crush or infatuation. I started watching movies with him I would hold him close to me whenever we watched a horror movie and seldom did he have any problem, but occasionally he would jokingly say that he got gay vibes from me (how I wish he knew that was actually true). I loved being with him, looking at him. Eventually we became really good friends (at least from my end). Then came issues; he started talking to me about this girl friend from no where and obviously I didn't enjoy that. I knew he was straight but I couldn't have him speaking about spending time with his girl friend. Slowly we were not the best of friends as we were. I came to realise/understand that how much I tried or loved him things wouldn't materialize as I would want them to. He is extremely hot and masculine and I knew that he couldn't be gay. So, to keep him away from me I started to look specifically at what I hated about him just so that I could live peacefully and not go crazy for him at all. Obviously it was very difficult but eventually I succeeded. He still considered me a good friend and I flirted with him as and when I got an opportunity, jokingly. Semester break. He texted me during the vacation I replied humbly. He kept on addressing me as his 'love', like "Hey love!", I didn't take it seriously. Everything was normal. I did not have the craze for him anymore but I did wish for something to happen. Semester IV. Everything has changed. He keeps on texting me, stealing glances. So once we were talking over texts. He replied in few minutes and I didn't reply back. He replies again. I asked why he replied twice. He said "I was missing you, and hoped that replying twice would make you shout at me and eventually you'd talk". This melted me and I am continuously looking at the same even now. All this semester he has calling me cute, trying to show he loves me, he would randomly come and sit on my desk, and as usual he would treat be specially. To sum up he's doing all that I wishing for. But the problem is I strongly believe he is straight. I do not know what should I be doing now. I do not want to do something drastic that would spoil our friendship. Because of all these acts he has been doing, I'm afraid I am back into going crazy for him. I am unable to concentrate on my work. I am so helpless that I feel like crying. In short, I am devastated and confused. I wish I could know by same means if he loved me or if he was gay. I humbly request you guys to please help me on this. Thank you
It sounds like you really have strong feelings for this guy and he probably does for you too. Scarcity creates value. When you backed off a bit, he felt it. When you communicated less, he felt it, so he was reaching out to you more because he likes you. Maybe he is bi or curious, but it does sound like he really cares for you and maybe something more then a friendship from what you are describing. The bottom line is this (whether he has feelings for you or not), if you have feelings for him the way you describe, it will be torturous for you if you keep him in your life while he is seeing someone else and because you are fixated on him, you won't be able to find someone as good or better for you in your personal life to date. If you want him, you need to straight out tell him that you have feelings for him and that it would be impossible to be around him while he is dating someone else. You can end by keeping the door open by saying, 'if things change for you, give me a call.' And then move on. It will sting at first, but spare you much emotional pain and heartbreak. Just my opinion.
