I'm 18. I recently graduated high school early (in december) because my parents moved from Connecticut to North Carolina. This has impacted my social life immensely, basically I have no friends here and I'm too nervous to go out and make friends like a normal person. I feel isolated and alone all the time, like there is no one I can really talk to (other than my CT friends on snapchat, texting). My parents want me to find a job (I've been trying for weeks). I'm also trying to get to know the area and find new friends so I don't feel all sad and alone every day. This isn't working out so well. I have no motivation to do anything, basically I wake up and feel like doing jack shit. I miss my old friends more and more every day, and it is so difficult to put myself out there and actually find people in my area that I like. The only places around me are a bunch of gay bars, which I want to go to but my parents are reluctant. I went to one a few weeks ago with my sister, and it was fine. Now that I'm alone though (me and my parents), I can't seem to find any motivation to go out and do things in the world. I'm trying to find a job, and apply to all the colleges my dad wants me to, and I feel stupid and worthless because all I want to do is lay in bed or die. I've been in therapy since I was 9, but my therapist is in CT. I don't want to talk to my parents about seeing another therapist because they are more focused on my education and finding a job rather than my mental wellbeing. I don't even know what I'm asking. I'm sorry for this long ass rant about absolutely nothing, if this gets deleted I don't care. Basically, I've had anxiety since forever, I dream about killing myself almost every day, I miss my friends (also I'm in love with a girl in CT but now I'm in NC so fuck ! my ! life ! ), I'm applying to college and trying to find jobs and it's never good enough. Again, I don't even know what I'm posting this for. I have no one, absolutely NO ONE ! All I ever do is smoke weed and get drunk when I feel alone. It doesn't help much. I do different drugs when I'm alone and all it does is make me think of how much of a fuck-up I am and how I'm probably going to die before 30. Again, not sure why I'm typing this. I don't expect any responses. I just feel alone and fucking awful every day and I don't have the coping mechanisms to handle all of this. Feel free to say whatever. Help, whatever. I'm probably going to delete this bc I'm drunk right now. Thanks.
First off, if you're drinking and using drugs (even weed), I would suggest you stop or at least slow down with it - as you've already said, it isn't helping, and that won't change. Don't forget, alcohol is literally a depressant - it depresses you. So that's probably part of what you're feeling right there. As far as college and jobs - you mention that your parents have a bunch of options they want you to explore. How about what you would like to do? Any colleges in particular that you want to apply to (maybe back in Connecticut, maybe somewhere else in NC, or somewhere else altogether)? Perhaps there are other jobs you'd be more interested in, or even places you can volunteer, if not work? Also, how mobile are you? Are you able to leave the house on your own at all (in a car, walking to nearby places, etc.), or no? Even something simple like walking to a coffee shop nearby might be a nice break from time to time.
