1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Alcohol use and sexuality?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by ECMember, Jan 22, 2017.

  1. ECMember

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2015
    Messages:
    899
    Likes Received:
    18
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I wanted some honest feedback about this subject because it's been on my mind. I've talked here on EC about my struggles with substances particularly alcohol from the past yr. I'm sober for about 39 days now. But last yr I had a friendship that seemed a duality of platonic and romantic wrapped in one. I never had anything like that before in my life. Though, the past couple of yrs I've been having random signs of being bi/bi curious and leaning to a particular type of guys as a preference which I've talked about. And my friend just "matched" that pref.

    By matching my pref he seemed to match some deep emotional inkling I longed for. Though we put ourselves through a ton of excess of alcohol every time we went out. I just thought when someone pays for drinks and treats me like that I felt some degree of comfort and affection. It's hard to describe the feeling. Though it was good and bad times we had.

    We yelled and fought together but worked things out. And times we made promises to not drink which were broken. I felt we needed each other at times, it was borderline codependent relationship, something I never experienced. We were both alcoholics that needed each other, that's how I describe it.

    On top of this there was some brief sexual tension which happened:
    We kissed two times while under the influence and it really me wonder if we had sexual feelings for each other. We never had sex but it would've been something that I would've been surprised happened. One instance last April, my friend told me that we had sex one previous encounter. We were at his appartment and we took our clothes off and in bed and talked. He claimed I didn't come. Though all the times we had met up we were intoxicated. He later tells me we didn't have sex. I was like what the hell? And to all this he's straight for all I know. I don't know what straight would spin a homosexual tale like that.

    And "the kisses" we had, I recall clearly I didn't do on my part I recall rather it was him. I recall got close to me and kissed me.

    I was wondering if deep down he had some hidden sexual feelings for me or what. Or maybe when he's intoxicated he has some deep same sex feelings. It's confusing. He did said he acts different when he's drunk. Who knows. I know for myself I've been around more straight guys in my day while drunk and themselves drunk and I never recall those guys making overtures to kiss me. Which makes me wonder:icon_wink.