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My one night stand made me realise how lonely I am

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by turning, Jan 24, 2017.

  1. turning

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    I'm an 18 year old Lesbian, and I went to university this September. Mostly I've accepted being gay, I've known I liked women since I was 11 and been out to some people since I was 13. I've always struggled with being depressed and lonely, especially until I was 15 when I was really badly bullied. But recently I've had a different kind of loneliness. I don't feel scared of new people or making friends anymore, I don't fear people rejecting me. But I do in a romantic way, and it hurts.
    I had an emotionally abusive relationship with a cis guy my own age when I was 15, and then trans man a few years older than me when I was 16 (I was out as Bi at the time) and I haven't had a relationship since. I hadn't had sex since then either, until Thursday where a girl who's friend was a friend of mine took me home. She rejected anything more than being friends yesterday, and I didn't really expect much else really, especially since she was about 24. But she's the only person I've ever slept with who was gentle with me and didn't seem to be using me. I suppose I let myself think about it for a bit too long, and that maybe because we had sex the morning after etc she might have liked me etc. It all just feels so hopeless. I'm friends with the people I live with but they're all straight people in happy relationships and hearing them with their partners from my room really upsets me. I don't want to talk to them about this, I don't want coupled people pitying me. It just feels so hopeless. I don't feel attractive or lovable or worth anything at all. I'm not going to do anything like commit suicide because it would hurt my mother too much, but to be honest when she eventually passes away I feel like I will go with her. That's something I've thought about a lot for the last few years, but its only recently I've really become aware of how lonely I am and how dating apps and stuff don't help. I don't know why I'm posting here really because I don't think anyone can give me advice. But I can't really talk about this completely with anyone. Sometimes I just feel so lonely it hurts and I don't feel like I can handle it.
     
  2. YeahpIdk

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    Hey turning.

    You're only 18. You've only just become an adult. You have a lot of time to meet someone and fall in love/be in a happy relationship. The people around you right now who are in happy relationships, and not to discount their happiness, but probably won't be together in a few years. You're young and things change. I'm in my mid upper 20s and my life is completely different from when I was 18.

    18 me: dating a guy, taking a break before going to college. Definitely way more immature.
    Me now: single. Realized they're not straight after falling in love with a girl. Thinks 18 yo me was young and dumb and free...becaue of blissful ignorance.

    What you should focus on right now is why you're so lonely, and your self image. You're not lonely becaue you're not coupled. It's gotta go a lot deeper than that, and it would be a good idea to figure it out - maybe with a therapist. Maybe with some self help books (they're kind of the new therapy now, especially if you don't have the money). It sounds like you could be suffering from depression from what you're saying.

    It sounds like you need a self esteem boost. Maybe rework your style and image. Do a little next chapter reinvention thing for yourself so you feel more confident. That should be number one right now. Is finding a way to feel better and more confident about yourself.

    Definitely keep talking on here. There are a lot of people who can give you great advice. Don't lose hope. :slight_smile:

    Seriously. You've got a lot to look forward to If you can get yourself in a happy place to enjoy new things and live life to the fullest.
     
  3. Creativemind

    Regular Member

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    You're still so young. Almost nobody has a long lasting relationship at age 18 these days. There's still time to find someone.