I think I've fucked up my life. I'm not gay. I'm mostly a conservative person, regular straight acting guy, and I really want to have my own family (Maybe I'm just jealous because all my coworkers seem to be getting married right now and starting to think about having kids). Anyways, the problem right now is that I'm in a relationship with a guy. We have been together for almost three years, and lived together for two and a half years. It has been a good time, with lots of good memories. No matter how hard I want a traditional family, I feel like I'm addicted to my boyfriend. I would never be able to break up with him. To make things even more complicated, some close friends of us do know that we are a couple, and we have both met each other's parents (of course, just as college friends/roommates). So I feel like I just can't go back to trying to be straight (specially if you are 28 years old "straight-virgin"). I never expected this relationship to become so serious. Originally I thought I would stop being gay once I had gay sex. I hoped that I would be so disgusted by myself that I would immediately break up. I thought that maybe once I tried it for a while, the gay feelings would disappear and I could focus on getting a girlfriend. I thought that eventually I would outgrow my problem since I've never felt attracted for older men. However as I grow older my ideal range for men also go up. What can I do? If I keep like I'm going, eventually my coworkers and family will find out. I already speak too much about my "roommate" to everyone that even one of my coworkers is already joking about my boyfriend at home. My mom is also now asking too much about him and always trying to invite him home (which is weird since going home requires usually a big trip). However if I manage to stop being gay, I can prevent my family from finding out about my hidden life until now, and attempt to make my own traditional family. The only problem would be having to break up with the love of my life. This means, I would need to find a way to stop loving him. What should I do to un-fuck this gigantic mess I made with my life?
I think you need to sort out some things about yourself, rather than try to convince others that you're straight. Why are you so against your family finding out about your sexuality? There's nothing wrong with being gay, which is a good thing as you can't "stop being gay" either.
I'm not sure why you think you are not gay, or why you think you can stop being gay. You cannot change your sexual orientation. You can hide it, deny it, and pretend to be straight or bi, but you simply cannot change it. I would suggest that you work on coming to terms with being gay and work on coming out of the closet. The world is changing, and so much progress has been made in the last couple of decades. Many gay people are now finding ways to have children, either through adoption or surrogacy. If you long for building a family with your boyfriend, I would suggest that you first work on accepting yourself, come out of the closet, and work on building your relationship with him, and perhaps ultimately marry him. Then work on the family part. But denying your sexuality and pretending to be straight just so no one in your family finds out will be destructive to you, your family and your future spouse and children. Trust me, as a gay man married to a woman with 2 kids, I do know that your dream future will turn out to be your worst nightmare. Just my thoughts, I hope it helps. Take care. ride:
You are gay. There is no way to change that, no way to become straight. You can't "undo" your sexuality, you are born with it. If you are attracted to girls too you might be bisexual, but since you're attracted to guys you're definitely queer. My advice to you would be to try and accept yourself and also talk to your boyfriend about what you're going through.
