Homosexual and Christian

Elliephant (I like your name!) I'm sorry to heart about this. It upsets me greatly that teachers, especially Christian ones, are inciting so much unsubstantiated hatred that those kids will carry without questioning and inflict on others. And to do it in the guise of being "moral" makes it all the worse. I just tried dating a guy for six months despite having accepted I have only ever been attracted to girls because I read so many comments from "Christians", even well-meaning or seemingly correct ones, that told me I could not be gay and Christian. So for months, I tried to hate my sexuality and pray it away, using those hateful comments as punishment. I saw how so many Christians, including my family, felt and I tried to use their hate to scare myself straight or into pretending I was. Pretty dumb for a 27-year-old with a 4.0 in college, huh? But that is what using religion does to you. You are taught to hate yourself, that you are broken, and if you don't get back to the way God obviously made you--heterosexual--you're going to burn in hell forever. No wonder people turn against God or end their lives!

But here is what I learned and I hope it helps you. You have to seek God for yourself. It is a personal relationship, not a communal ritual. Homosexuality is sad--sad because so many kids like you don't choose it yet end their lives or live in constant fear and depression over it. Any sex outside of commitment could be considered "sinful", not just for gays. I hear how God does not make people gay, but why does he makes babies with birth defects? If it is a result of the fall, wouldn't he "fix" us once we reconciled ourselves with him through salvation? You need to seek answers for yourself. I recommend looking up Vicky Beeching, Kevin Garcia and Matthias Roberts, all of whom are gay Christians. Justin Lee and Matthew Vines have great books that are affirming and Mark Yarhouse is a psychiatrist who specializes in LGBT issues but is more in the middle.

When I sincerely told God I would serve him no matter what and be celibate if I had to, I almost instantly stopped lusting and had a strong love for everyone. I am probably the least spiritual Christian in my circle and yet, I am the most kind and non-racist, non-judgmental one who often has to remind the others not to be mean. I still correct them and often have to allow God to correct me. But that is why it is important o know God for yourself--to have conviction. It is that little conscience that tells you "this isn't right". Is it telling you it isn't right to be gay? Or is it telling you certain things about being gay aren't right for you, like having sex with someone without commitment? There is a difference between shame and conviction. Conviction is on the inside--it tells you something is not right because it will hurt you or others. Shame is on the outside--it makes you feel bad and dirty and confused. Shame is not of God.

I have remained close to God and allowed my sexuality to be used to help people. It has made me a better person. Bitter and angry and depressed at times, yes, but it has also pushed me closer to God and loving others during those times. I have to filter out the wrong voices. Unfortunately, I know right now you have to listen to them. I would join the online community at the Gay Christian Network or check out their wonderful resources. They just had their annual conference and you can watch their main sessions online. Find a group of gay Christians or blogs and books, seek God for yourself. Buy a notebook and write down the homophobic or hateful things your teacher says then write how he could have said it better, how it affected you, why you don't agree. That is why I stopped listening to comments about homosexuality by "Christians"; they were not Christ-like in any way but filled with toxic shame. So find helpful resources to keep the venom out of you. Be like an undercover journalist and use this experience to document the misconceptions Christians have about homosexuality. I would be interested to know what "solutions" they offer as I have yet to hear any. Look up the term "moral panic" and you will see how people use propaganda to make you hate others based on nothing but fear. Again, fear and hate are not Christ-like as the Bible says, "perfect love casts out fear". Neuroscientists have discovered our brains are wired to be kind--hatred is taught while love is natural.

I can't imagine how difficult this is for you, and I hate that the people who should be helpful are instead hurtful. Stay on this forum if it helps and please look up some of the gay Christians I mentioned. Vicky Beeching's story was especially helpful to me. Realize they don't hate you personally; they have been raised to fear something they don't understand and haven't experienced. Or perhaps they have had same-sex attractions and go overboard to compensate. You work on finding your own truth, having fun and not letting people's hate destroy you like it eventually will them. Hang in there and keep in touch (*hug*)

 

Hi elliephant! I am so sorry to hear that one of your teachers is being so unkind. I am also Catholic, and although I did not go to a private Catholic school, I had to go to weekly religious formation classes at my church when I was growing up. My experience with coming out is different from yours because I didn't realize I was gay until years after I finished my religious formation classes. However, there was one time in my high school health class when we were being taught about the LGBT community. I remember the teacher handing out pamphlets with coming out stories in them that we had to read in small groups. I think some of the guys in my group mocked the stories. Regrettably, I may have mocked the stories as well since I was still in the closet and was homophobic at the time.

I didn't realize I was gay until last year. I was terrified of telling my parents because they were homophobic at the time. Soon after I realized I was gay, I was listening to a Gospel reading at Mass and I heard the line, "Love is patient, love is kind." I recalled previously hearing that line in the song "Same Love" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, which is a song that is supportive of homosexuality. At that moment, something came over me and I could just feel that God was telling me it was okay to be gay. I started tearing up because I was so moved by Him. That experience helped me to get the courage to come out to my parents, and they are now very supportive of me being gay. That experience has continued to shape my continued faith in God because, whenever I hear homophobic people condemning homosexuality as being sinful, I just tune it out and keep in mind the fact that He carried me through one of the most difficult situations of my life. I hope that my story will help you to know that God loves you for who you are!

 

I have dealt with the Christianity issues my entire life, and even now continue to try to overcome things from it. I have a blog piece I wrote when responding to someone else here that I hope will help you a little.
Christianity and LGBT

As for dealing with your school, that is a tough call. You only have another year until college. Personally, I would try to put up with it until then, but I am still weak-minded in this area. I still will not come out to my mom. The only other option I see, is if you think you could transfer to public school for the last year or a non religious private school, or if that is even worth doing. The school is not going to change. I went to a private catholic school until I couldn't handle it and had my mom transfer me to a non-religious private school but still being in the closet.

My heart is with you in whatever you choose to do. I know from personal experience how hard this can be for you. (*hug*)

 

Daughtry, thank you for sharing such a beautiful story! I heard a phrase the other day: "From the outside looking in you can't understand it; from the inside looking out you can't explain it" and I think it sums up what it is like to be LGBT and Christian. It saddens me Christians like my mom think my heart is hard or I am deceived when confronting my sexuality has actually made me a much better person. I have gone through a lot of bad stuff, but it all made me bitter and angry where realizing I was gay made me patient and loving and more reliant on God. Your story helped me and I know it will help others. Thank you so much for telling it!

 

I am a Christian myself, but I do not like the Catholic Church or their beliefs. Catholics are so far right-winged and quite frankly I find them to be more negative than any other religion. I believe in a God who loves all of his children. I frequently walk past a church that has a pro-LGBT sign that says "Would Jesus discriminate?" I strongly believe he wouldn't.

 

I think you should be able to believe whatever you want. It's a free world. Just as a black person can wave the confederate flag and praise and condone slavery, is a gay person entitled to their right to believe in a religion that oppresses them.

The Bible and your average fairy tales book are hardly any different. Actually, the latter comes off as less offensive if you ask me.

 

It really depends on how closely and strictly you want to adhere to traditional Catholic teaching. In it's most extreme form Catholicism takes a deeply conservative and fundamentalist approach to matters biblical, but the current Pope seems to suggest that rigid and inflexible standards like these are harmful and even heretical, because they leave no room for reconciliation. He's not the first Pope to speak in these terms, by the way. There has been a certain ebb and flow to moral theology within the Catholic Church over the last 60 years and Pope Francis is the latest Pope to eschew some of the more zealous ideas.

It's very easy to read words on a page (in the Bible) and miss the higher message or the context and circumstances in which it was all written and when it comes to matters relating to human sexuality that's very bad theology.

If you examine every Bible passage that touches on the subject of homosexuality and take time to explore the history and context in which it was written, a very different picture emerges. It's not a difficult thing to do either, because there are so few passages to consider. People who scream about homosexuality being sinful don't make this sort of effort with the Bible, or if they do, they choose to be wilfully ignorant to satisfy their own prejudice.

There are many dimensions to moral theology and you would be wise to go beyond what you are taught in school and examine the works of some of the great modern theologians who present some very interesting and challenging perspectives that can deepen your understanding and relationship with matters of faith. Homosexuality is only one issue that gets the spotlight treatment.

 

I don't know exactly how to help you. But I think one thing you should do is try to not let things bother you. I know that may be hard but you could try that. I understand it's tough to have to choose your sexuality and your religion. But I think it's important to keep your head up. I haven't really struggled much with this particular issue. But if you can, there should be resources out there that can help you if you are struggling.

 

Despite the official position of the Catholic hierarchy on LGBT rights, in some locations, such as North America, Northern and Western Europe, support for LGBT rights (such as same-sex marriage, or protection against discrimination) is stronger among Catholics than among the general population.

In 1997, the US Catholic Bishops Conference published a letter entitled "Always our children", as a pastoral message to parents of gay and bisexual children with guidelines for pastoral ministers. It told parents not to break off contact with a gay or bisexual son or daughter; they should instead look for appropriate counseling both for the child and for themselves. The letter said that, while homosexual orientation is not sinful, homosexual activity is immoral, but gay people must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity, and allowed to participate actively in the Christian community, and even, if living chastely, to hold leadership positions.

From a personal perspective, my first gay relationship was with a very handsome Catholic priest who was very well known with mass appeal throughout the state. In all honesty, initially, I had a lot of trouble dealing with the fact that he and I engaged intense and very compassionate sex on a daily basis and yet..every Sunday..there I was sitting in front and center watching him deliver his weekly sermon. To make matters worst...my mind would wander off thinking what sexual position or what role play game we were going to play later on. Needless to say...he had a very huge sexual appetite which rubbed off on me a lot. In latter months, I was introduced to other priests within the Catholic diocese who were also having same sex relationships or would sneak off to a specific gay club or cruise park in order to have hookups. I even remember my boyfriend having this one friend who was at the time an Archbishop who was very highly respected. My boyfriend had to accompany his mom to dinner party and therefore, his friend wanted to hang out with me. What I found interesting is that he informed me of this park that he frequent in order to cruise guys and this one guy in particular he really like a lot. He wanted to come with him and talk to this guy and persuade him to hook up with him. Honestly, I did not think it would work but to support him...I did it. Low and behold...it worked and they had begun to see each other on a regular basis which they eventually became a couple. Due to his stature in the Diocese...my boyfriend and I were the only two people who knew about their relationship which went on for quite some time. All in all...after being exposed to all of this undercover chaos...I developed a different perspective on the Catholic Diocese as a whole where I did not struggle or feel guilty of my relationship with the Priest anymore. Besides...the sex was really HOT!!!!

 

Hi Elliephant. That's a tough situation to be in. I went to a strict religious school as well and while they didn't really talk about gays much at the time it was all sin sin sin. Of course when you look at the verses they are basing this on you find its taken out of context or twisted to meet their prejudice. My best piece of advice is to not wait for them to spoon feed you the info. Get in the Bible and read what it says for yourself.
This male teacher is being a pig. If you want to put him on the spot you could mention that his very passionate rebuke of the gays says much more about him than it does about the gays. Perhaps there's some level of interest on his part that upsets him. This could get you in trouble I'm sure but it sends a message that anyone with that much hate for a thing is suspect.
If you think you can hack it come out. But don't if it's going to put you in danger. It's much harder for people to tell lies about a group when someone is there to represent.

 

I struggled in the past about religion and bisexuality. I felt half "right" and half crippled.
This thought helped me: that God is love. Every kind of love: how parents love their child, friendship, solidarity with unknown people on the street, admiring a teacher, taking care of a pet, celebrating the beauty of the world by art.
Every time I don't love, I'm somehow committing a sin. I'm not letting God enter my life. And it's also more sad than sinful.
So, when I fall in love with someone, it's somehow my duty in the presence of God to love him or her. God will love this person through me.
I know it's a bit profane here, but also "All is full of love" by Bjork helped (lyrics and video). It made me think: "How can just love be a sin? Something so beautiful?"
Now all conservative theology can throw shit at me, I don't care.