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How/When did you become 100% comfortable with your sexuality?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Nanodae, Feb 2, 2017.

  1. Nanodae

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    I've now accepted myself as a lesbian and it feels very good to no longer be confused about who I am.

    I'm out to most of my work colleagues as it's come up in conversation and I am out to those who ask me the question.

    I am new to working at the hospital and I was in the staff room with a male nurse and a female nurse the other day - both openly gay and they were talking of the sad times their family found out and shut them out of their lives.

    They asked me if I'm with anyone, to which I said 'No, I always fall for the wrong people.. but I like someone at work though.' and the female nurse was using male pronouns asking about what he is like. I felt awkward and I didn't have it in me to correct her so I kept using 'they' and 'them' to describe her. They didn't suspect anything.

    I do wonder why I didn't just correct her, it wasn't as though I had to fear both of them being homophobic as they were both openly gay.
    It makes me feel I am not as accepting of myself as I'd like to think. I mean if they had asked me directly if I was gay, or if it was a woman I liked - I would have said yes, but to actually correct them myself.. that would take a lot in me to do.

    Are any of you at the stage where you could simply correct someone's assumption of your sexuality, or is it something that you are still going through?
     
  2. Loveislife

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    I don't know if I could, I'm not meeting that many new people who don't know that I am attracted to women these days. I think I would have corrected the nurse if I'd been in your situation though because she's gay too. I think it might depend on the situation for me. If I feel safe enough to do it, I'd probably do it.

    But you are asking us how you can become 100% comfortable with your sexuality so that you can easily correct people in a situation like this, right? Well, do you know what held you back from correcting her? If you are aware of what was holding you back, you could work towards overcoming that.
     
  3. Nanodae

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    Yes, because I find it fascinating how some people have the confidence to be so open with others, especially with people they have just met - it's admirable.
    & I'm not exactly sure what it was that held me back from correcting her that day. Might take me some time to realise perhaps.
     
  4. Loveislife

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    Maybe you're still ashamed of your same sex attraction?
    That's okay, I wouldn't say that I'm 100% okay with it either, it's a process. I also want to be very open with others about my sexuality, but sometimes I'm uncomfortable with it as well. But I have noticed that the feelings of shame and fear regarding my sexuality have decreased significantly over time and they are still decreasing. What helps for me is having lesbian friends who are open about their sexuality because I feel comfortable with discussing my sexuality with them and I'm gradually opening up to them. This helps me to open up to others as well. What also helps for me is deciphering where the feelings of shame and fear that I'm feeling come from. I have noticed that they come from my own negative perceptions of being gay - from internalized homophobia - and from the fear that others will look at me more negatively because I'm gay. I am working towards completely overcoming these negative perceptions and fears and also towards simply stopping to care what others might think of me or about lesbians. And that's working for me. Also, I think that flirting with girls, kissing girls and dating with girls will make the shame and fear that you might feel less.
     
  5. Nanodae

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    Thank you.
    It's hard to accept (I had done) but when people shut me out it's made me feel awkward about the whole thing again. I think it'll be a cycle of being uncomfortable with it, then accepting and round again.
    I don't have any internalised homophobia, as I would never wish myself to be straight - I just worry of losing people for just being myself. Especially so when my parents are very strongly against gay and lesbian people. I will someday come out to them when I am living on my own so I don't run the risk of being kicked out while I am studying :S At least then I can look forward to meeting people and not have the constant worry in my head everyday that I'll someday let them down. It'll just take time.
    Like you say, it is a process.. thank you for your response.
     
  6. Andrew99

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    I have also gone through cycles of accepting myself and then going back into denial. I first realized I was gay in January of 2011. I told myself I wasn't and repressed it for a long time. I started to afford myself around July of 2013. I then went back into denial around August of 2014. Mostly from the environment that I was in at the time. I reaccepted myself in January of 2015. I then kind of went back into denial again in January of 2016 because the lgbt youth group I was going to was starting to make me feel that way. I left and I have again reaccepted myself since then.
     
  7. LiamC

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    I was about 15. From about 10 up to then I just lied to myself that I must be bi because I kind of thought that you had to like girls, even though I knew I only liked guys. Once I started telling people, I knew it was fine and accepted myself slowly. Everyone knows now and I've had no issues and won't get myself in a tizz about it at all.
     
  8. geekyboy18

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    I accepted my sexuality when I was about 15/16 years old, but I wasn't fully comfortable with it. I only really became 100% comfortable with my sexuality when I came out at 18 years old.
     
    #8 geekyboy18, Feb 6, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2017
  9. dyl pickle

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    I think I really only recently began to accept it, but even recently I've questioned myself on a few things here and there. I feel like I sometimes go through phases where I question myself and then other times when I am 100% comfortable with it. However, that's really only within myself and I don't openly speak to others about it for what I believe are two reasons:

    1. My parents don't accept me so they really don't want me to tell anybody else
    and
    2. I'm worried about people's reactions now that we are under Trump's presidency, which I know may seem a bit stupid but at this point, I feel like you never know, and I'm constantly worried about being harassed or some type of hate crime happening, as I live in a relatively small town where nobody I am aware of is even remotely LGBT+