Hello everyone. New here. I need advice (desperately). I am (or at least thought I was) a m2f trans woman. I have been 12 years living as a woman and on HRT and surgery for 10 years or so. I had a period off hormones, and i think it caused depression having no hormones in my body.I am now back on hormones and it seems to be causing an anxiety disorder. I think as I get older, the less i can tolerate HRT. (in my 30s now). I also have no sex drive or satisfaction. Actually having any sexual "release" just causes more imbalance and anxiety for days after. It is strange. Of course this could all be in my head as I could simply be having anxiety about my life choices. I am having transition regret. I wish I could have my natural parts back so I could feel that super awsome drive and determination I had when I was a man. That energy was great. The gender dysphoria could have very well have just been a fixation (I tend to obsess and fixate on things for varying periods of time). Right now i simply see myself as genderless... I don't care what gender I am... I would just like to feel good. So why not live as a man? it would be easier, and I assume testosterone would make me feel better. (I seem to have all the symptoms of low testosterone). Anyhow. I have put so much energy into this transition, and so have my loved ones. I am really thinking of "coming out" again and trying to obtain testosterone. I am just worried that the testosterone would not work and I'd put all my loved ones through this again for nothing. For now, I am thinking of weaning myself off the estrogen since I prefer feeling depressed and unmotivated (yet somehow peaceful) to emotional and anxious and still depressed. I know there are said to be health risks to this, but I exercise (cardio and/or weights) every day and eat very well. I feel so trapped and have no idea what to do. this is way worse than my initial gender dysphoria because now my health seems to be in the mix too. Does anybody have any advice? Please I really need to talk to someone. I would bring this up to my mom (we're close), but do not want to put extra strain on her. she seems stressed right now. Although I feel getting this off my chest would at least alleviate some of the anxiety. Is there a way I could bring this up to her gently?
I think you should perhaps see a therapist. Perhaps working through some things might be good for you.
I agree with clustergazelle. If possible, it would be wise to speak to a therapist so you can better understand how you're feeling. Whenever I would talk to my therapist, she would notice when I would be getting anxious just from the way I was talking (and I thought I was already calm). Have you just started feeling anxious or for the past 12 years have you been feeling this way?
