I live in Russia. I am just so tired of homophobia and loneliness,sure i have some friends, but they are distancing themselves from me. Like, we can't have a thoughtful conversation, we don't share anything personal. Majority of my friends refer to me as "fag" and they say that word right to my face. One guy from my university, who i've fallen in love with, once invited almost all of my guy group mates to party in his house except for me and said that he didn't know what to expect from a drunk fag... I am not feminine, probably he is so confident about me being gay because I hugged him a few times and said some too-sweet stuff to him...i mean i knew i shouldn't have done these things, but i am not a robot, i have some feeling too. I feel like there is not end to stuff like that in my life. After university i will be working in the police and probably it's going to be even worse. It's just a small part of what's going on in my life, not gonna write about physical things, lol. I will be 19 yo tomorrow and i am still single, have social anxiety and recently i've gained a lot of extra weight. Also we have a group chat in russian version of Facebook and there are all of my group mates from university. Some of them will send some dumb stuff like happy birthday fag, i hope you will find a boyfriend etc. Also I have a part-time job at local McDonalds and my friend told me that at lunch they were discussing how i am 100% fag and there are even rumors that i asked one of my coworkers to go on a date and wanted to suck him off (never did this, but hell yeah i wanted to have sex with him and suck him off...). And there are no LGBT anti-discrimination laws in Russia and they even forced to quit one of the managers because she was lesbian. So tired of this shit. Sorry for idiotic writing, my mind is so messed up right now.:tears:
Hi there - I've heard a lot about the situation in Russia right now, and I'm sure you have a lot to struggle with. I'm glad you've made your way to EC. I don't know what sort of resources you have available, but my first piece of advice would be to take care of yourself and look out for your own safety, whatever that means you have to do. Given that you can't rely on legal protections, you need to take whatever steps are necessary to take care of yourself - if nothing else, you have moral support from EC in that process. Be good to yourself! The situation is the problem, you are not the problem.
I'm sorry to hear that. All I can say is to hold on. You can't let yourself get brought down by so much ignorance. Not everyone is close-minded. You could always move to a more liberal area, if you can. If not, you gotta keep being yourself.
