I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety and anger over a situation that happened months ago, I am not doing myself any good by being angry and stressed almost all the time. This guy I knew f'd me over royally I hooked up with him, became his FWB and eventually ended up having sex with him (first time having sex). Not too bad but some of the ways very bad. He MAY have attempted to rape me (I don't know if this constitutes as rape or sexual assault) the first night we were together he was drunk I was sober enough, we had been making out/ touching bodies/ fingering but toward the end of the night he rubbed his member against me and tried to insert himself without permission/ protection. He wasn't violent and I was silent. He eventually got the gist after about 5-10 minutes rolled off of me said "I'm sorry I'm sorry" and went to sleep. The next morning I woke up afraid that he was going to hurt me if he noticed me leaving his apartment. I don't want to use the words attempted rape if they aren't true I have been getting a lot of various responses from internet sources from "it's anything sexual you don't consent to" to "it's violent and coercive" I am still very confused about this and would like others input. He didn't use protection the first time that we did have sex about a week and a half after this incident. I was very prominent about having safe sex in the beginning of our relationship. Offered to grab a condom from my car a couple times, told him that I didn't feel comfortable doing things without a condom, discussed STD status', and informed him that I wasn't on birth control. I feel like he put my body at risk for STI's (he had been sleeping with other girls) and pregnancy. He did ask if he could enter before he did so the sex we had was consensual. Final way he f'd me royally was that he outed me to my roommates and close friends at the time. He did so with the thought that I was already out to them (even though I had told him otherwise, twice, within the last year of knowing him) and he did so while he was drunk. My roommate/ close friend has been dating him for the last 4 months and seeing him since around the same time I started seeing him (I have always been aware of their relationship I was fine with it at first but I have only become more enraged as time passes). I really wish I could get over all of this because I have been taking out a lot of anger on said roommate via passive aggressive comments regarding how much time they spend together which is every night. She practically lives at his house now. I have tried snapping a rubber band and trying to distract myself even removing myself from the situation as much as possible but I am still upset. Should I talk to my roommate about what happened between her boyfriend and I? Ideally I'd like to just put this in the past and get over it like a normal human being but just because they are dating I can't seem to.:bang:
If you still harbor any hate or resentment towards this guy, I don't think you would be ready to have this conversation with your roommate. It would only make it seem like you are just being vengeful towards her. Work out the emotions you have and why it's making you feel the way you do now. It's better to have a conversation with a calm and respectful demeanor. From the sounds of it, it seems like he doesn't respect your views or your body. The incident from when he was drunk sounds like he took your message the wrong way, and a lot of people who are drunk are NEVER in the right state of mind, and I do mean NEVER. It seems like he's just messing around, and people that do, aren't considerate of how others would feel. They don't think about it as much because it doesn't affect them. And finally, guys that don't respect your privacy deserve to get their asses kicked to the curb. That was wrong of him to do, whether he was drunk or not. Don't let them get in your way of moving on, it's hard to accept it at first, but it's also a process of healing and becoming wiser in your decision of picking the right person for you. What's done is done and so is the damage. It's not a choice to suffer for their mistakes.
