Hey guys. Am in so much depression. Here is my story. Meet this guy 5 years ago ... he was my subordinate - I taught him everything he needed to do at work - he had the will but not the person to help ... I straight him supported him and at the beginning ... I liked him ... kind of attraction ... then few years past I fall in love ... te never managed to show anything or make a move ... he is married ... straight apparently and not interested in men. Our friendship became stronger by the time - he has always hold me at a pedestal for what I did for him - I visited his country with his wife of course and meet his parents - of course am the manager and he is the employee thing. Nothing more. We travelled together to Dubai Thailand - we party we drank we smoked and we party with girls ... my for the sake of following him and be with him. A week ago we been in Paris for work and then we net 4 days to Amsterdam for fun / we staying in a house ... we had fun - went clubbing - we did some soft drugs and all was great until one night I put my head on his shoulder then grab his arm - then touch his knee and make all my way up his chest ... he did it do or said anything and when I asked he was conscious about this. Then when I tried unzipping his pant he stopped me - he said this is not happening and this is not me ... of course he got conufused .. man we have done things with women and am sure he was confused .. so I decided to tell him I had feelings for him and I needed to go through with this to see what was really happening to me. He said no. Guys what do you think ? Would a guy let me touch him suggestively if he is not gay ? Today at work we chatted and he said that he loves me as a brother and that am not gay .. he can't take it and that he loves me as a brother ... by the way am the god father of his daughter ... he told me that he allowed me to touch him because apparently I had unresolved problems. For me that's bull...t. - I don't think a guy would let you do this unless he liked it - besides on my way up from the knee to his belly I felt him hard ... next night I slept on his shoulder again ... and he said nothing ... he wouldn't be bothered. What you guys advise me ... we work together am sad - can't eat and am afraid of depression. Thanks.
Hey futuresolution, I think you have to take him at his word. You also have to be careful not to project your feelings into your interpretation of his actions. At this point, he has made himself clear. Respect his words and back off of any romantic/sexual approaches towards him. If he is actually confused about his sexuality or hiding the fact that he might be attracted to you, then he is likely to take an available opportunity to come on to you. That would, however, seem to be an unlikely event. In my experience, some straight guys will sometimes cuddle with other guys, but certainly draw the line at sexual interaction - as your friend did. What he did doesn't seem indicative that his might be other than straight. Just my thoughts.
I don't think I can put things as clearly as Quantumreality did. There are a couple points to break down here. The first that pops up in my mind is : sexual interactions while under drugs/alcohol/anything altering your state of mind is a bad idea. Secondly, regardless of this guy's sexuality, you need to respect his words. Maybe he only minds because he's your subordinate, maybe because he's married, maybe because you're a guy. He may be okay with casual contact, or not, but he clearly draws the line at the brink between sexual contact and other physical contacts. Whatever his reasons are, don't push, you're not entitled to his body, like he's not with yours (or anyone is with anyone else's). Then there's the problem of the interest that can't be reciprocated. This is going to lead you nowehere, unless you can take your mind off of him and, maybe, seek out someone else. You may ask your administration if you can be in a section of the company where you won't have to see him, if it's too painful. If he starts showing interest, then, maybe there's a chance, but I'd not be hopeful if I were you. So I think that's all I can advise you : take his words for truth regarding his attraction to you, try to stay friends (if you can/want), and maybe you can try to find someone else who may reciprocate your feelings (which would most likely be healthier for both of you). Have a nice day~
Thanks quantumreality and thanks fluffylightfox. I agree with both of you ... I don't want to loose the guy's friendship and he has told me he loves me as a friend and brother ---------- Post added 12th Feb 2017 at 12:30 PM ---------- Yet will take me sometime to put my feelings In the brothers friends category .. but I must fall off life with him.
It's okay, it takes some time to get over those things, but you're strong enough, you'll do it (and if you can't, well, you can say it clearly to him and ask to be moved within your company so that you don't have to see him again - maybe)
Fluffy light fox. Thanks. I can't do this to him. He is a great guy I trust him with my life and he showed me this several times equally I have reciprocated to him. He knows how I feel and I know it's kind of impossible ... unless he makes a move I can't do another step ... it's going to be hard to move my sexual thoughts and put them in the category of brothers but it's worth to try he is a great guy. Do you think I will be able to do it ? Do you think it's a good idea that I mingle with him and his wife ? I don't feel jealous of his wife ... I do feel jealous with when he tells me that he had sex with another woman ... how to remedy this ? ---------- Post added 12th Feb 2017 at 01:31 PM ---------- At the end of the day am his daughters fairy god father
Hey futuresolution, As you said and as FluffyLightFox indicated, it will definitely take time for you to overcome your strong feelings for him. Most of us in the LGBTQ community have had crushes on people that are straight. Heck, many straight people have also had crushes on members pf the opposite-sex who didn't return our feelings. It's totally normal, even thought it is an emotional crisis for those of us who have feelings for someone who doesn't return those feelings. There is no right answer. But time, and, often, physical separation, tend to heal most of these kinds of personal wounds. The most counterproductive way to think about it is if you assume that he rejected you out of spite or personal hate. That is usually not the case and doesn't help with your own personal healing in these situations. Just saying...
