Sooo I gave my mom a note book and it has a page on it where I write about a girl I like and I am not freaking out yet and I am freaking out and I don't know what to do and also I think she just felt the cuts on my arm and I don't know how to get rid of them so its like she was feeling stuff.
Hey DreamRose, You could play it off as a fictional story you were writing based on something LGBTQ you heard in class or saw online. Or, perhaps, you could take this opportunity, expected as it is, to Come Out to your Mom. Just some thoughts.
I am just scared because she has already heard stuff from my counselor about me and a girl. I also wrote like hearts around it saying me plus Abbie this girl I liked soooo it is kind of obvious.
So, are you saying you are completely uncomfortable with the idea of Coming Out right now? If so, saying it's a fictional story using a real-life character, Abbie, might be the best way to play it off. Parents usually give their kids a one-time pass on Coming Out because they often don't want to believe it themselves.
Yeah like I would consider killing myself first. I just think she will know I am lying but I guess we will see what happens.
Seriously, DreamonRose? What point would killing yourself serve? At a minimum, would you rather kill yourself BEFORE Coming Out to your mother? Dying is not a solution. It's avoiding the problem. AND it only puts hurt/pain on the survivors. Do you honestly hate your mother so much that you'd rather she be in pain over losing you than helping her to face the reality of who you really are?
I did not receive a message. ---------- Post added 12th Feb 2017 at 09:15 PM ---------- I don't know why but that's all it goes back to for me. I just have no other way. I am weak and my mom will move on. I don't know what I will do but I will think before I do anything.
Yes, please do think. You are a unique person and you should definitely not kill yourself over this. You can't actually know how your mom will react to finding your page, let alone whether or not you can play it off as just a story for school or whatever. Please don't do anything rash! You have friends here on EC who care very much about you!
Until literally a few days ago i felt the same way. I've been terrified for months on end, the better part of a year, and because i saw no other way out i had a plan. I literally didn't even do something as menial as buying a 2017 calendar because i was convinced i wouldn't live to see the end of it, so why buy one. But coming on here showed me there are plenty of people online and in real life who give a damn. Well, potentially in real life. So instead of planning my own death, i'm planning my goals for the year. I'm trying my damnest to be positive and focus on what i want my life to be like and what I've gotta do to get there. I'm surrounding myself with positive influences like the people here and youtubers that are either gay themselves or approve of it. I'm trying to look past the inevitable hurt and betrayal that's coming my way towards what i want my life to be like, and that's where i am now.
That's a really good way of living. I am feeling a little better now so I think I can try living how you are. Thanks for caring. And on the irrelevant note for some reason every time I find a Youtuber that I actually like they end up being gay is that like a gay thing we like find each other interesting or something?
There is one thing you always need to remember about suicide -- it is a permanent solution to what is ultimately a temporary problem. It's sort of like seeing that there's a dent in your car, but since you can't think of anything to get rid of the dent, you decide to demolish the whole car. Suicide works the same, it really only appears as a solution when you can't think of any other solution. Always try to stop, think and give yourself time to think of other ways to solve a problem. For every solution you come up with, you'll notice that suicide immediately stop being THE answer.
Okay cool. I don't wanna feel like i'm forcing my lifestyle on you, its just what for now is working for me. Its what worked for my brother and he's doing well. Granted he's a straight homophobic asshole, but that wasn't' the point.... Lol idk! I wonder. I mean i know i like watching TroyAndChase cause they're a cute couple but also cause watching them, out and by all appearances quite happy, i just enjoy watching that. I want that for myself someday. Somehow watching them also makes me feel more comfortable with my own sexuality. Not quite sure why, it just does. Same for the others. As it happens a lot of the youtubers i continue to watch have ended up making coming out videos or were out when i found them. Like right now i regularly check in on and watch CrankThatFrank, TroyAndChase, and BryanStars when he collabs with people (cause otherwise he's boring). TBH I had bryan pegged as gay from the beginning and i'm proud as fuck that i turned out to be right. I didn't even know i was gay yet i correctly pegged him as being gay. Gives me hope that perhaps when i'm living on my own when i come out maybe i'll be able to figure out who is gay/bi or straight lol.
So, this comes from someone who's been incredibly careful when it comes to "containing" those things, and anticipating "breaches". The sexual orientation containment breach first. Don't panic. At best right now, your mother hasn't read your piece of paper, by respect for your privacy (I can't guarantee it but hope doesn't hurt). At worse she read it and is internally furious at you. Those are the ends of the spectrum : maybe she's read it and just discarded it as silly, maybe she read it and is just confused, or supportive, or doesn't care. Maybe she's trying to ignore it. Then comes the matter of how to respond. I don't know what your parents' view of sexual orientations other than heterosexuality are, but maybe you know that. Until your mother mentions things to you, don't do anything too definitive or grave. Now, on the idea of suicide : I feel really hypocritical for saying but it doesn't sound like an answer to your (hypothetical) problem (even running away would be better, although I don't recommend it). If you're really worried, hide. Hide/Destroy all that could out you for sure. If you've got anything physical that is immediate outing material, hide/destroy it. If you've got anything digital of that kind, change the passwords, etc.. If the issue comes up, well, then, you've come down to doing damage control. As mentionned above, come up with a stupid story. Your mom could let it slide (unless she's come up with stronger evidence; hence the "hide/destroy" part), but regardless, your info breached, and the day you come out to her (assuming you'll come out to her, which you don't have to, also assuming she read the piece of paper and took it seriously), she'll remember it. Now for the cuts : If they're deep enough to be felt through fabric, then I hope you disinfect them (with surgical alcohol/disinfectant). For the matter of touch, there's really nothing you can do but wear clothes with thick sleeves, armbands, or anything that would be thick enough to hide the scars. I recommend you also wash, hydrate the skin near the wounded areas (with skin cream/whatever, even water's just fine). So, that's all I can say. Maybe I helped you, maybe I didn't (, maybe I left mistakes in my text). I can just wish you the best and good luck.
