1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

My feelings are messing up with me.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Mahidevran, Feb 13, 2017.

  1. Mahidevran

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2016
    Messages:
    405
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Belgium
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I haven't been here for long, so hello everyone. If this thread should be in another part of the forum, please move it. Thank you in advance.
    I have a problem. The problem is with my feelings that confuse me. There is someone who I see quite often, we're not friends, rather acquaintances. We talk only casually. But God... he is beautiful. He's incredibly physically attractive, has the most beautiful and addictive smile I have ever seen in a human being, and he is sweet and charming. And then the whole thing begins. I just can't stop thinking about him. About having him in my life, about him being a part of my life. About touching him, about kissing him. And all other things like that. Maybe it's just a massive crush. But there is a problem. I am engaged and very happy with my fiance, he has a girlfriend who he loves to death... and he is 18 years old, while I am 27. It makes him 9 years younger than me.
    I know age is the least important thing, but he's apparently into girls and I am male, and also I'm pretty sure I'm in love with my boyfriend and he's my other half. So why did it happen to me? What can I do about it? I'm trying to stop these unwanted feelings, to kind of forget... but it's stronger than me :frowning2:
    Any advice would be welcome.
     
  2. Lawrence

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2014
    Messages:
    2,134
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    How long have you had this crush? Is he straight or bisexual? Probably straight, isn't he...

    It's common for people to still get crushes when they're in relationships. Some folk find this difficult to accept. At least you can admit it!

    When we crush on people, we might idealize them. Plus you don't know each other very well, so you use imagination to fill in a lot of blanks

    Enjoy the crush for what it is and try to spend more time doing other things. Obviously easier said than done. But you can be stronger than this. At least your crush is happy, even although he's with someone else. And you have your fiance

    I don't know how it works for you. But most of my crushes are short-lived. When I find out our personalities are too different, then it shatters my illusion
     
  3. MisterMissy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2017
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Atlanta
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A confusing conundrum. But here's what I will say.

    When it comes to you and your fiance, you should think long and hard about why you love him, how much you love him, and about how strongly you feel that your relationship will last. Ultimately, these are questions that I think anyone should ask themselves in any relationship, as frequently as possible, in order to keep perspective. If you know you love him, and you know the bond you've built is strong, then you should have no fear about this thing you've developed for another man getting in the way of that.

    For me, I've been in very few relationships, all of which were during early high school, and none of which got sexual. However, I am a rather paranoid person, and I often daydream about potentialities and scenarios that could occur in the future. It tends to keep my mind sharp, and it helps me to be as wise as possible. So I have actually considered this exact issue you're having with regards to my own future relationships.

    Is it possible that even when I find myself in a loving relationship, that I might also find an attraction towards someone else? And I always answer, yes, it is possible. But like Lawrence said, what this appears to be is just your typical crush, right down to the very way you have described the situation and the guy in question.

    Everything you've described is based on his looks and the vibe that this young guy gives off. But by no means should a winning smile become a reason to jump ship and dock in another harbor. (bad nautical joke) I have a feeling this crush may pass soon enough. A person's looks can only take a crush so far.

    I completely get the things you're feeling Mahidevran, and I wish you all the best.
     
    #3 MisterMissy, Feb 15, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 15, 2017
  4. Mahidevran

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2016
    Messages:
    405
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Belgium
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    thank you both!
    I'm really sure there would be nothing of it, and that it has no future. (knowing my luck, he's straight anyway :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:).so I don't look for anything. I just... feel. and that's it.
    And the feeling is quite unwanted since I know it has no chance to turn into something serious, + I'm really happy in my current relationship and think of it as something lifelong.
    someone said I should stop contacting this person if I want to forget. Sure, but he doesn't let me forget... he appears everywhere! and he doesn't even know what he does to me.
    I'm trying not to think about this much because I really know it's quite futile as I don't even know him that well. Such thing has never happened to me before.
     
  5. Mahidevran

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2016
    Messages:
    405
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Belgium
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    feeling better now because something happened that weakened my feelings a bit so I can continue living.