So this isn't one of those threads where I talk about suicidal thoughts, surprisingly and I'm actually really thankful that I'm not suicidal at the moment but there's been some...other problems. I don't know what's wrong, I really can't tell if it's physical illness or if it's mental but either way I need help with coping. I've been so sick lately. First I had pharyngitis and now I have a sinus infection and I'm not allowed to stay home from school. That is seriously irritating me because all I want is to sleep. I think I've put on a ton of weight because all i can think about is just eating. I have no energy at all, I can't even think, you know? I was trying to write a few chapters for something I'm working on and my brain just wouldn't function properly. I feel like everything's coming apart at the seams and I'm just going to sit back and watch. Because for example, I had shop class today and I completely destroyed what I was working on. Like I said, my brain's not thinking properly, I felt like I wasn't even there. Sort of like I was floating and just controlling a separate person. I feel like I could just walk out of class at any moment and not feel the consequences. Or really, I could do anything. It's not that I don't think the consequences matter, I just can't be bothered to care about them. I'm just over everything, it's like I'm suddenly the only thing that's important and I just need to survive each second of the day. I had to drive my mom home today and let's say I made maybe three stupid little mistakes which wouldn't normally have happened. And I began to freak out about halfway home. I felt like I couldn't control myself properly. When I got home, I think I cried for at least twenty minutes and then, my legs just stopped working. Well, first I thought I was going to vomit so I wanted to lay down because my heart was going too fast. My knees started feeling funny, like I wouldn't be able to support myself anymore and I collapsed on the floor. I didn't lose consciousness, I felt like I couldn't walk again. It took about thirty minutes of encouraging myself mentally to stand. It's like I've been pushed to a certain point and I can't be pushed any further. I can't care about anything anymore. I feel like I'm on auto-pilot all the time and everything's going by so fast, sleeping feels like blinking. I really need to sleep properly...I handed an English assignment in to my teacher today and I could not tell you what I wrote because my mind is totally blank. I feel like I'm not really here at all...or maybe numb to everything. I burnt myself with an iron in shop today and I didn't even flinch. It's like I could see it coming but couldn't stop it from happening. What is going on here? How do I fix it?
Okay, there's definetely something here. I'm not a doctor, I can only see shards of illnesses I researched a while ago in what you wrote and am lightyears away from being able to provide a clear answer, but I'm sure of one thing : you've got something. You need to see a doctor about it. Try to sleep a lot, and talk to your parents. There's no way they can send you to school in such a state. Maybe you've got a bad diet, really bad sleep issues, or something worse, but you need to get that checked out. Now comes a bit of theorizing : Some of what you wrote above makes me think about something called "Derealization", which is the mental state in which you feel separated from reality and yourself ("on autopilot", "like watching and controlling someone else", "like watching everything through a TV", etc). That may come from something far worse (mentally or physiologically), and be exacerbated by your lack of sleep. But hey, that's just a theory. There's enough in your message to let me give you one advice : go to the doctor, list everything, and they'll tell you how to fix it (and if they don't, well, then.. find someone else I guess). Good luck.
