Hello.. um well the title itself is pretty self explanatory. This is also my first post on here so, fingers crossed? I actually dont know what to do is where im getting at, I feel broken, and betrayed and all that other stuff.. my boyfriend (now ex) has decided to break off our relationship just 2 days ago. Now its valentines day. I feel more miserable than ever and I just want to end it all.. after 4 years of being together never have I thought that he was unhappy, because I thought he was, and he sure looked and acted the part. The way he broke up with me isnt also the greatest way.. he tells me that im just not good enough for him anymore and now the more i think about it, the more I believe it.. i am nothing. And will be nothing. Ive missed work twice now, just been locking myself up in my room not knowing what to do next.. i am tired of everything.. friends just tell me to just get over it and then i act like im over it but im seriously not.. they tell me to drink and get drunk but i dont want to.. and so I found myself ready to die the night he broke up with me until I decided to call one of the people from work.. to talk about myself or how im feeling is a big deal for me, because i never do. I never talk about myself or how im feeling, everything is just bottled up inside me.. but then she talked me out of killing myself that night.. but im not sure if i could put out my emotions anymore.. i decided I want to die on valentines day on sunday.. where i dont want to bother anyone and everyone could just look the other way while I do what Ive been wanting to do.. People will say that im young and all that and that I have my whole life ahead but i dont think ill even get through what im feeling right now.. i do really want to believe ill live a long life but that sounds more like a fairy tale to me than ever before.. so.. idk i guess thats it? Idk what the purpose of this post is.. but im glad that some of you may have read it.. :help: im just not good enough for anyone anymore, the only person that made me feel special no longer sees me that way.. i hate myself:tears:
First things first, DO NOT KILL YOURSELF, please! You've got coworkers who care about you enough to talk you out of doing it! Your life is far from over, even though it looks like it. So, now, it'll hard to process your feelings (I can imagine), especially when you've been told that you weren't good enough for your ex any more, which isn't true, and if this guy find it's a good way to break up with you, then HE doesn't deserve you. There's no good "enough" and whoever tells you otherwise is not worth being your partner (and may be abusive/destructive). It doesn't seem like you'll get through it, but you'll get over him, eventually. It may take some time, but you will. Please don't give up, we're here for you (and deep down, you want to live, because you'll live through many beautiful things, without knowing what right now).
I don't know about relationships, because I've never been part of one, but I've been in the very same situation that I've seriously considered just putting an end to everything. For different reasons but still. It feels like nothing's worth bothering to keep breathing, but that's not true. I know it feels like nobody would miss you, I've had times when I thought that everybody would be happier if I'd just be gone. That's not how it is. It might sound stupid, but what's keeping me alive day to day is hanging on the good things. Some days, I feel like there's nothing worth for me to stay alive, like I'm not worth breathing, like I'm just still alive because I can't even kill myself properly. Been there, done that. Believe me, there'll be moments that let you forget for a moment. The other day, I was to a concert with relatives. I've been feeling depressed for so long, sometimes I think I can't even smile any more, but that evening, I was happy. There's always something worth working through this. If you think you are truly in danger to harm yourself, seek help. Talk to people, get professional help. Seek an outlet for your emotions. With me, it's writing. There are moments when I am afraid to pick up anything sharp because I fear I might lose control and hurt myself. Then I turn up music, get me a sheet of paper, and just start writing. Be it lyrics, fiction, or just plain writing down how you feel, get it out. Perhaps you can ask your friends for help. Agree to talk regularly (every other evening, or something), and just talk. Tell somebody (friends, diary) how bad you feel, and then command yourself to list 5 good things about the day - be it that you had to smile because it was nice weather. I did that for a while, and it helped me realise that there are good moments, that many days had been much better than I thought. Please, please don't do anything you can't undo. Do whatever it takes to stay alive. P.S: Here are people that don't even know anything about you but your username, and they care about you and want you to stay alive. Don't ever think that you're nothing. You are the world to some people, I'm sure. I've been told by people I regularly fight with in the worst ways that they'd be devastated if I did something to myself.
