Lately, I've been feeling terrible, and I'm really worried I'll relapse. I've been thinking about it so much lately and obviously, I don't want to and it won't help, but I do "want to" if that makes sense. I don't have access to rubber bands currently and drawing on my arm can help, but barely. Any suggestions?
I find other things to fixate on, specifically repetitive things. As a martial artist having a go at my punchbag sometimes helps, but otherwise I draw, whether that's a sketch on my arm or a bigger drawing on paper. Writing also helps. I'm not a poet and I'm usually crap at poetry, but during my worse days I find that I'm somehow quite good at it. In other words, find other means to express your emotions. Even if it's not something that you usually do, you may find that it works quite well for you.
This information leaflet http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf is from a UK based organisation, but the distractions and strategies work well for many people in all parts of the world. Give them all a try before you resort to cutting or otherwise injuring yourself. It's really important to avoid silence, or bottling things up. Talk about how you are feeling when the urge comes upon you. What's on your mind in those precise moments? Describe your feelings in detail and see if that helps you to resist the urge. While you are talking your mind is being distracted from the immediate urge. If you have easy access to blades or implements that might be used in the process of self harm/injury, try to address that issue. Put things high on top of a cupboard, so that you need a ladder or chair to reach them, or find some other way of restricting access, like taping them to back of a desk that needs to be moved. The idea is to buy yourself precious thinking time. It's not easy, but it can be done.
Thank you both so much. I decided to get some sleep and I feel a bit better, so that's good. I will take these things into consideration in the future
The thing that works best for me is deciding that I will wait ten minutes, or half an hour before I act on it. Waiting and doing something to distract yourself like listening to music or drawing can help. If you still feel like doing it you can extend the waiting period. I don't know if that would work for you, it's just what I do.
Distract yourself for immediate relief. The urge to self harm is almost like hunger or wanting sex. It is a pining and a clamorous frustration to act on the impulse. However, this feeling is temporary. Acting on it causes an effect that is damaging and lasting. What you are telling yourself, that you deserve the pain, is bullshit. I know how intoxicating it can be to feel the visceral cuts to express the emotion that cannot be put into words. But you are stronger than this. Momentary release is not worth it. Honestly the only thing that has stopped me from cutting has been doing something that physically prohibits it. I swim, every day. I cannot afford to cut when my cuts would bleed or be visible when I'm swimming. So I haven't. It is that simple. If you can, try and find some activity to do that doesn't let you cut. If that isn't possible right now then distract, distract, distract. Recognize that this is an addictive habit and you have to practice resisting. After enough time the urges will die down. I know that when I'm down, music really helps. Here is an album that go me through some really rough times: Carrie & Lowell (Sufjan Stevens)
