I don't know what else to do. I'm feeling really suicidal. My parents took me to this Christian therapist yesterday who basically is going to try to get me to change my sexuality by preaching the word of God to me and "telling me what I don't want to hear". My personal therapist recommended my family and I go to family counseling so my parents chose a Christian therapist because that's where they feel "most comfortable". We prayed before the session and I told her one of the issues that my family was dealing with was my sexuality and she said "I'm going to have to save that for another session between me and you and I'm probably going to tell you something you don't want to hear" and she said something about Satan taking over the world. Guys, I'm tired of fighting. I just really want to die. I'm tired of being depressed and angry, and powerless. I just really want to die. It's better than going through what I'm going through. It doesn't get better at least it doesn't for me. I keep staring at my ceiling fan picturing myself hanging from it and it's been like that for days. I think I may do it.
It's hard to give specific advise without knowing more about you and your situation, but what I can say from someone who spent many years at the point your in... is it truly does get better, I know you can't see it, it's like a fog rate now and alls you can see is the negative but there is light and joy out there you just need to be strong enough to make it through and the sun will shine. Depression is a state of mind and even the smallest move can help to bring you out, playing with a pet, listening to a song(an upbeat one, not some depressing crap try this one https://youtu.be/B-IJyNxGLYM , watching a sunrise...you have to break free of the fog (&&&) And not to bash religion here... but talking to people who are going to try to "pray the gay away"... is not going to help AT ALL!!! if fact it's just going to throw a giant pile of guilt on top of everything else your dealing with... It does get better, I promise it will (&&&)(!)
Talk to your personal therapist immediately. All therapists, as part of their responsibility, will take emergency calls from clients who are depressed or suicidal. My suggestion is that you get some recommendations from your personal therapist for another therapist who is Christian in his/her beliefs, but isn't a "Christian therapist." There are plenty of marvelous, nonjudgmental, LGBT-affirming therapists who happen to be Christian, so if this is what makes your parents comfortable, it should not be difficult to find someone who will both make them comfortable and also help them understand that who you are won't change. Assuming the awful Christian therapist your family took you to is actually licensed, you could also take the route of telling her that if she doesn't change her approach, you will file a formal complaint with the state licensing board charging her with violating the professional standards of her licensing board. That might either shock her into doing what she's supposed to, or get her to refuse to see your family. Either would be a decent outcome.
I totally agree with Chip here. I understand it is a hard situation to face, but talk to your personal therapist as soon as possible, and she may be able to help with this, and maybe convince your parents that this "christian therapist" isn't doing her job right.
That's the whole point. My mom wants me to see a therapist who tells me that being gay isn't right. That's what makes her comfortable. She wants people to agree with her. What would make her uncomfortable is if she had to sit in my personal therapist'a office and have to listen to her tell her how there's nothing wrong with me and that she she should accept me. I don't know what else to do. She called my personal therapist a witch because I'm apparently trying to force my mom to accept me and she thinks my therapist is to blame. It's like a solid divide between the two of them. It sucks. Sometimes I wish my therapist would just go ahead and adopt since I'm old enough to sustain myself and everything. I'd happily sign the papers but I don't think she'd want that.
You live in a country where being a LGBT is not a crime. Im a Muslim in a Muslim majority country where I am considered a walking disease . There is no local LGBT societies or therapists dealing with LGBT issues for me to turn to. I also was depressed and considered suicide when dealing with my sexuality. I take small steps to deal with it. For you, do try to seek help and talk to people from the LGBT community even if its online. It is more available in your country.
Gosh, I'm sorry that you're going through that. it's just sometimes I can feel trapped. My mom won't let me go to any LGBT group so the internet is all I have. I'm starting to take it one step at a time like you said. Hopefully this positivity can last me a while. I just really wish my parents accepted it and didn't condemn it but it's what I have to live with.
How old are you? Maybe you can move out and reduce or quit contact. As long as that lasts, you might say it's all just a prank and *insert school enemy here* said it was a dare. Do you have a partner you can turn to?
I'm 17 and single so I don't have a partner to turn to. I was thinking about moving in with my grandma but she doesn't accept me either. She's disappointed in me.
Do you have any close friends or other relatives who would allow you to stay with them? If you can, try to stay with one of your friends or relatives for awhile, or until you can support yourself. Try talking to your therapist the next time you get the opportunity, although maybe not about your orientation- instead get help for your depression.
So it's not that long anymore. Just wait, it's worth it. Once you head of to university you will be among a bunch of liberal young people. Probably planning and acquiring some money will keep you busy during the next time, so you don't have to think that much about your parents. Is there a good library nearby where you could study and do your schoolwork? You could avoid being at home and have a good excuse (more quiet there and better access to relevant information).
For me, reading stuff online like this forum helps. I have accepted my sexuality despite knowing as a Muslim it means hell for me but I dont care anymore, but I have not revealed it to anyone not even my parents for obvious reasons..if you think your parents are bad enough..I cant imagine how mine would react. But its not fun hiding who you really are though..but that is how it is and I just have to face it . I keep myself busy with new targets like getting fit, getting a new hobby..I am into hiking, did a diving license and planning to do some outdoor mountaineering in the hopes of meeting new people like minded someday. For you, since you are in the US,you can easily meet other LGBT people for support even if its Texas..haha. For your case,if you are patient, I suppose just bear with your parents, pretend to be a good christian (im not a practicing Muslim but I can pretend to be a good Muslim since I know all the prayer rituals and know how to read the Koran quite well thanks to Islamic schooling) until you are old enough to move out or when you go to college/work where you will really rediscover yourself without being tethered to your family...you have a long life ahead of you..I turned 30 last year and I am doing new stuff that is totally fun..did a diving license last year and met alot of new friends and one of them was a brave transexual.:icon_wink
It's important that you remain in contact with your personal therapist who has an unbiased perspective and will be able to help you if you are at risk of emotional harm. Tell her what's happening and describe how it's making you feel, just like you have done in this thread. While you live with your parents, you have to abide by their house rules, but that doesn't mean they can emotionally harm you or put you at risk.
