Hi Everyone, So, this might sound crazy, but here it goes. So, science hasn't actually proven that people are born gay, and I'm just trying to figure out what, if anything, may have made become attracted to men. One thing I keep obsessing over is that my parents didn't allow me to watch any R-rated films until I was 17. This meant no nudity. I knew that if a girl got naked on screen that meant I wouldn't be able to see the movie, so I would intentionally not want any girl to take her top or bottom off so I could see the movie. One time I accidentally saw part of a tv show with full frontal female nudity and actually turned it off because I was like "oh no, I'm not supposed to watch this." At this point I was only 11 or 12 and had no sexual attraction to anyone yet. That came later. I can't help but wonder did this pre-teen aversion to the naked female body somehow encourage my brain to be more relaxed and comfortable looking at the male body - which I saw plenty of (shirtless obviously) on screen? I don't remember having any kind of sexual attraction to men at that point, I mean, I was just a kid. But did this somehow, in a way, turn me gay? Or at least, start my brain to physically view men in a certain way? I think the only movie character I came close to being physically attracted to as a kid was Aladdin (yes, I know he's a cartoon, but come on I was like 5). I loved his bright white smile for some reason. I have never experienced physical arousal looking at a woman, and didn't begin finding men attractive until around late middle school. Anyway, what do you guys think? Is this just silly? Could my parents not letting me watch R-rated movies have made me gay? As a side, I feel like I should note that I am not stereotypically gay in any way except for perhaps a few subtle mannerisms which I also have seen some straight guys demonstrate. I just can't help but feel I was almost going to be straight, but something happened in my development. Please note I'm not questioning whether my homosexuality is a moral issue, just whether or not it could have been at least partially allowed to blossom because of this.
I mean, does it really matter? You're gay now, so even if you did watch a bunch of naked women, it wouldn't change your orientation. At best, you'd be able to "train" your body to respond to stimuli, but it wouldn't be the same experience as when a straight guy does it. Plenty of folk live this way for years, in-denial, and it doesn't make them any happier! You say you've never found women attractive, but started finding men attractive during middle school. Surprise! We start noticing the sex we're attracted to around puberty. And stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. Not everyone conforms to every single one of them, but at the same time, minority groups will sometimes try to downplay them, just to fit in. Personally? I don't think r-rated films (or a lack of them) caused your orientation. Even if you weren't allowed to see them, you would have noticed women elsewhere (for example, instead of Aladdin, your attention would have been centered on Jasmine). Perhaps your lack of attraction made "switching off" easier?
Perhaps sir, you would've noticed the female characters. I couldn't watch R movies too and I never really did notice women unless you count the gay divas of pop music. Like I remember how in first year of high school I admired Diana Ross. So much so I told all the boys she was my girlfriend. But really we all know why I admired her cause I liked her dresses and I was a little gay boy pretending to be straight. Because when I saw guys I liked, it was like a whole different feeling. I don't think movies made you gay, I think that distraction and rule may have made it easier for you to notice boys.
I'm the kind of person who likes to overanalyze things, because often times, I feel like I need to know why something has occurred to me in order to be able to accept it one way or the other. So I completely understand why you want to figure this out. But I would have to agree with both gravechild and Justinian. Because of the timing of your initial attraction to men, and because it doesn't seem like the rule against R-rated movies was nothing more than a few instances of verbal re-enforcement by your parents, it doesn't seem like your lack of exposure to naked women was any different than other men's at those ages. Besides, if you really had a genuine attraction to women, it would have still dominated your puberty years regardless if you had any access to nude pictures or not. Girls in bikinis still would have affected you, sexy magazine photos, love scenes in movies minus the nudity, etc. But from what you've described so far, nothing like that happened. Which tells me that your mind and body likely weren't much interested in the first place. Heck, my attraction to women was so strong back when I was 12, that I sought out nude photos where ever I could. And when you're a desperate preteen with an overactive libido, you'd be surprised how willing you are to risk your parents potentially finding out about what you've been doing. If I was in your shoes right now. I would take a step back a bit, and stop asking myself how I developed an attraction to men in favor of asking how much of an attraction do I have, and to what aspects. Try to figure out what it is you like about guys, and whether or not spending intimate time with another guy would be something you think you would like to do.
Growing up I was allowed to pretty much watch anything I wanted, short of porn movies. And for some time when I was younger, right after my parents got married, there were Playboy and Penthouse magazines openly displayed in the living room (they didn't do anything for me, but they were there and I could look at them any time I wanted, including when my parents were around). So I saw nude women in various provocative poses at a very early age. My mom got several issues of Playgirl from somewhere at one point and I knew where she kept them and so also saw pictures of naked men pretty readily as well - I also liked them better, but didn't really know what 'gay' was so it never occurred to me to think anything unusual about it, really. Point being that I most definitely didn't lead a sheltered life when it came to women and I still turned out completely gay. Which leads me to think that your upbringing didn't have anything to do with it. My 2c worth, Todd
It's an interesting question but I highly doubt that these restrictions in your youth conditioned you to be averse to women and attracted to men. I was also raised under similar strict guidelines and it made no difference in my attraction to girls. Once I was at that age where sexual arousal came into play almost anything could turn me on. Photos of girls in bikinis in a regular magazine or underwear models in a Sears catalog. Even if one of the girls in church wore a dress that was slightly more revealing, like her knees maybe, my head would be swimming.
Oh I forgot until now, "cover your eyes boys you shouldn't see this" on certain movies. We were half way to adults. LOL Sears and Roebuck, J.C. Penny's and Montgomery Wards sent catalogs several times a year. I would always go straight for the men's under ware ads. Marriage to a girl won't change you, trust me, don't be afraid to be yourself. Screw the stereotypes. You would never know I wasn't straight unless I told you. Dean
Well, when I was a little kid and watched the movie Alladin, I definitely did not look at Alladin. I looked at Jasmine. So, I guess you probably were gay already when you were 5.
Sounds like a coincidence to me. I've read my mum's old diaries from when I was maybe five or so - I definitely wasn't straight then (nor am I now). My point is, it's unlikely that 'environment' affects sexuality (I don't know that the general scientific consensus backs up the genetic explanation for non-heterosexuality, but anecdotally it seems to hold true). This could be complete nonsense, and I wouldn't know how to test it, I'll leave that to the professionals.
Then, by this logic, every middle eastern (muslim) man HAS to be homosexual, because they literally almost NEVER see naked women. Sorry, but I think your theory is slightly silly.
