Hello everyone, the clue is in the title. I need help, serious professional help from an educated and trained therapist or counsellor. However, I can't have that help due to a list of reasons- mainly related to what could be anxiety. (I have the symptoms but I have not been medically diagnosed, so I'm unsure of what to call it other that "the thing that might be anxiety. For the purposes of this thread, I'll simply call it anxiety.) I guess I should start with a little background information. I'm 14 and in my fourth year of high school. Although the school nurses and the "counsellor" are there for me to book appointments with, I just cant. It's too difficult to do so, especially with the anxiety building up with every thought. I have had counselling before, although the school counsellor isn't properly trained and I find that she talks to me in her "special" voice, as if a more normal tone would fracture my messed up mind. As soon as I got the letter to go to her room for the appointment my hands were shaking, my heart leaping into my mouth and a lump lodged in my throat. I could hardly breath, or speak for that matter and only made my sudden fear worse. I fiddled throughout, mixed up my words, said the wrong things and avoided most of her questions. I despised it, and after a few months I decided that I couldn't keep facing the anxiety. I pretended to feel better, and although the counsellor kept saying to come and tell her how I am every now and then because I always seemed way too sad, I haven't spoken to her since September. I know that you're all probably thinking, "If you want help so badly then you'd just go back." But, quite unfortunately, it isn't that simple. The anxiety becomes too much, sometimes even just at the thought. Furthermore, I don't want my Mother to know. To put it simply, she isn't the greatest of parents. Now that my twin brother is in a number of my classes, he'll question where I am going every week. Even if I ask to avoid meetings in those lessons, I still need to make progress in the other subjects and the counsellor has a lot of people to see and only one day of the week to do so. The last reason for being unable to find help is that if I go to the school nurses, they'll pester me about my weight. It really unsettled me, and makes me feel worse. Only to end up not eating in order to cope and making my situation worse. Apparently, I'm really underweight. I'm supposed to weigh no less than 50kg, but I weigh 42kg. I still have tummy fat, so I'm not entirely sure if they're right. The uncertainty about whether they know what they are doing also puts me off. Overall, I'm terrified of going to the people available to me or speaking face to face and I don't know what to do. Thank you for reading, Theo.
Regarding the weight factor...other than consulting your doctor, there are height/weight charts (w/ age and gender factored in) online that can tell you the healthy range for your height. The best ones are the professional ones that do it in 'percentiles' cause that's what the real doctors look at when they do annual check ups for people, to my understanding. I was insecure about my weight for years because everyone kept telling me that i was too skinny (and now because i feel like i'm overweight), but consulting the charts gave me a better idea of what medical professionals say 'healthy' is for someone of my age, gender, and height.
Hi FoxEars, You have very clearly explained the challenges you are facing regarding getting the help you need, (especially for a 14 year old!). A real positive here is that you possess the insight to realize that you do need help for the symptoms you are experiencing. Anxiety can be a very paralyzing condition, and know that effective treatments are available. That said, you are only 14 so I understand that your ability to access these treatments is much more limited than they would be for an adult. Another option to accessing help would be through your primary care physician. He or she can discuss the symptoms you are having with you and suggest treatments, including a referral to a private psychiatrist or therapist. I am not sure if seeing your primary care physician is an option for you--but thought I would throw it out there. Besides that option, at 14, as you know, it is the school counselors that would be your starting point. I get that so far meeting with them has not been helpful, and your reluctance to go back. But know that there is no 'wrong thing' to say during a counseling session, if your mind gets 'mixed up', and if the experience increases your anxiety and you feel terrified it's fine to say so. Believe me the counselors(yes-even school counselors) are familiar with dealing with these issues. School counselors also have the ability to refer you to further treatment (outside of school) if they feel it would be helpful. I understand you don't want your brother to question where you are if you are missing from class. There may be a way to schedule an appointment for after school hours to avoid this. As far as your weight, I am not sure if you are underweight or not. But this might be a good reason to see your general practitioner anyway, to have checked out. From there you can discuss your anxiety symptoms as well. All the best to you! And realize that as you become an adult your options for finding treatments for your symptoms will greatly increase. You won't always be 'stuck' with your school counselors. And know that things can get better!
