1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

College App Regrets

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Irrelevant Boy, Feb 28, 2017.

  1. Irrelevant Boy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2015
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hey Empty Closets. Lately I have been so regretful about a decision I made on my college applications. I'm still not out to my family, so when I was doing my apps, I inevitably came to the sexuality question. Omg how I dreaded over it for hours. Do I put that I'm gay? Straight? No answer??? If I put gay, my parents would definitely see that and then it's over. If I put no answer, something would be suspicious. I was so scared. So, I answered that I was straight. You know how they say that sexuality isn't determinant in college acceptance but everyone knows that's a lie. At least I think. Anyways, it's been a few months since I submitted and I am regretting it so much. That choice could have honestly stopped me from going to a really good college. I can't email the colleges now because they'll think I'm lying about my sexuality. It's too late. I wish I could do it all over again and more discretely. Ugghghghghghgh Your thoughts?
     
  2. Chiroptera

    Admin Team Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,504
    Likes Received:
    1,383
    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm not from the US, so i'm not totally sure about how applications work. However...

    If this isn't really relevant to the college, it is ok the let this go and not overthink it. After all, you didn't lie because you wanted to obtain advantage or something like that. It is totally understandable that you did that because you are not out yet. That's fine!

    If it is relevant, you can also consider e-mailing the college and telling them exactly what you told us here: That you are not out yet, and for that reason you had to answer that question in the way you did. Again, i'm not sure about how exactly apps work, but i think that's quite reasonable, and i don't see why they would think you are lying.

    :slight_smile:
     
  3. Crisalide

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2016
    Messages:
    624
    Likes Received:
    339
    Location:
    Italy
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm not from Usa and my first reaction is...
    ... WHY THE HELL should your future college want to know your sexual orientation??
    DDD:
    It's so private.

    Anyway, it was your right to "keep yourself in the closet" for any reason, for instance, to avoid discrimination. It's a bitter but necessary practice. Don't overthink on it: it was not the right time, it was not destiny that day.
     
  4. Tijopi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2017
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    seattle
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    I'm not sure what the problem is. I agree that answering anything besides straight, though they may swear up and down that it doesn't affect your application, might have some effect. Especially if you live in an area where that isn't acceptable. So since you did answer straight, there is no need to change it in regards to entering the college you want to attend- and in any case as Crisalide said, you have the right to keep that information private.

    If you wish to change it either to inform other students of your sexuality when you enter, for personal satisfaction, or because you fear it may be seen as lying, I don't think any of these things are too problematic. You can tell other students your sexuality as you go, when necessary. Personally I don't think it's a good idea to broadcast your sexuality too enthusiastically even if you live in a good area, but that's just me. For personal satisfaction, I see it as just a simple question on an app. Maybe you see it differently and I would understand that, but personally I don't see it as too big a deal. It sounds more like you're worried it'll be seen as lying and you'll be 'found out.' But really, it's your business. I would be shocked if they called you out on that- they probably shouldn't be asking in the first place because that really IS private.

    As it's been mentioned before, it's also perfectly reasonable to say you were in a state of questioning at that time and have decided you are not heterosexual AFTER filling out the pamphlet. Explaining that you don't know how your parents would react when they saw it is also a very reasonable answer. But there's no way it would come up anyway.
     
  5. Zen fix

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2015
    Messages:
    694
    Likes Received:
    26
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I didn't know colleges had this on their applications. I would have put straight or left it blank. That question is BS.
     
  6. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Folks, this isn't to harm anyone. Colleges like to try to have diverse entering classes, so, for those who choose to disclose, factors like this help the college admissions people consider diversity as part of their selection process.

    Keep in mind that it is a very, very tiny aspect of the criteria. If there are 1000 points in the typical college application, this might account for 5 or something. Often, college admissions is sort of a "no win" game for the admissions staff... they have literally 20 to 200 applications for every one they can accept. And many are really outstanding people who deserve to get in. So at a certain point, it becomes almost arbitrary. And it's in that place where soft factors like sexual orientation, family background, part of the country they are from, and things like that enter into the admissions process.

    I wouldn't sweat it.
     
  7. AlexJames

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2017
    Messages:
    1,139
    Likes Received:
    226
    Location:
    Texas
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    A few people
    ...I didn't know colleges asked this! Its such a private question. I know they're all into diversity but...for this? Why? Do they get grant money for having lots of LGBT kids? Or is this some religiously affiliated school that might deny you for being LGBT? I don't get it. Even having the question as an optional thing seems a bit invasive to me. That's what campus LGBT clubs are for!
     
  8. Irrelevant Boy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2015
    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thanks for the responses. I do feel a bit better about it now and hopefully it won't really matter to them whether I'm gay or not. :slight_smile: