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Sleep with someone much younger?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by mlansing, Mar 3, 2017.

  1. mlansing

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    I'm 33, soon about to turn 34, and it has been a fantasy of mine for a while now to sleep with a guy who is 18 or 19. I'm currently talking to a 19 year old on a dating app and I'm feeling like this could be my opportunity to do that. But I'm also feeling somewhat paranoid like what if he's lying about his age and is actually below the age of consent? Should I ask to see his driver's license when meeting? Any other reason why I should or should not do this?:rolle:
     
  2. I'm gay

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    It is perfectly fine for you to be with this guy. And yes, you should ask to see his driver's license. It may feel awkward, but it is totally in your best interest to make sure he is of legal age. If that bothers him, move on.
     
  3. smurf

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    100% ask for a driver license.

    When I was 16 I tried all the time to hook up if I could. Stupid, but when you are 16 keeping others safe isn't your first priority.

    Other than that, make sure you take care of him as a person and not just as a sex object. Be nice, care about his humanity, and show him kindness. Do not let his first couple experiences with gay people be marked by feeling used.
     
  4. mlansing

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    Thanks guys, I will definitely ask for a driver's license to be safe. Also, although I have no intention of pretending like I want a serious relationship with a 19 year old, I will be careful to not make him feel used.
     
  5. Chip

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    I wouldn't say "perfectly fine."

    It depends on what's important. Do plenty of 30+ people hook up with 18-22 year olds? Sure. Is it healthy for either one to have a relationship? Almost never so.

    Now... if it is simply a hookup and nothing more, then arguably there's a justification for it, as simply two people engaging in a sexual experience. But the reality is, there's usually a lot more there. The issues of power and control are omnipresent in any such interaction, and whether or not they are spoken about, they are there.

    The younger person is often seeking out the father figure they never had. The older person is often seeking out a way to relive his youth, or seeking someone to take care of. That makes for a complicated and almost always unhealthy situation. It isn't uncommon in gay culture, but it is anything but healthy (as are many other "common behaviors" in gay culture.)

    A lot of newly-out guys do this as a means of recapturing youth that they didn't get to spend. A lot of young guys do this as a means of trying to gain acceptance they never got from their father. Neither of these is a healthy behavior. Are they terrible? No. Will it scar either person irreparably? Likely not. But on the whole, if you're seeking an emotionally healthy and fulfilling relationship, you're much better off seeking out someone your own age and avoiding a young person.
     
  6. Totesgaybrah

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    I realize its just a hookup so its whatever, and they are technically an adult so they can choose to do whatever they want, but I agree with Chip.
    I personally even at 27 would feel pretty weird doing anything sexual with an 18-19 year old, I draw the line at 21. I'd rather try to guide a younger adult in the right direction than use them for a "quick release".

    I'm not trying to be judgmental but I remember being 18 and I almost got myself into a really crazy situation with some older guys which thinking back on now I am very glad I did not go through with those plans.

    Just my thoughts.
     
  7. mlansing

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    Chip, I think you hit the nail on the head here. I believe you're right that I'm trying to recapture my youth by sleeping with an 18 or 19 year old. It turns out that the guy actually stopped interacting with me before we could meet so it is probably for the best.