Hi Everyone, Ok, this is something that's been bugging me for a while. It may sound silly to you, but please hear me out. Everyone is always saying how you shouldn't love someone based on how they look, but because of what they are like inside. Well, according to this, it shouldn't matter if I'm only attracted to guys, I should be able to love a woman based only on her inner beauty. So, why can't gay guys just act straight by dating and marrying a women not based on physical attractiveness but by an emotional connection alone? And yes, I know, this could apply for straight people too - why can't a straight guy fall in love with a man, not based on physical attraction but because of who the guy is as a person. I know I personally feel like I can never be physical with a woman, but is it possible I could get by just by loving her as a person? Do we have to be sexually attracted to our spouses? Why is it most of us feel we can only sexually/romantically connect with either males or females? I know that sometimes my physical and emotional attraction to a guy is sometimes so powerful it can feel overwhelming. I've never felt this way towards a girl, but sometimes wonder if, with just the emotional connection, I could have a relationship with a girl who I'm not physically attracted to one bit. Sometimes I wonder if relationships between guys and girls are just more healthy, both physically and emotionally. I have no idea how I would manage with sex but I still wonder. Can you guys help me out with trying to figure this out?
I want to answer all your questions, but I think starting with this one is important. What go you here? Why do you think maybe relationships with guys and girls are healthier? What happened? As for your question, that type of scenario happens way more often that you imagine. If you talk with a lot of guys that stayed in the closet, but still married a woman and had kids, many will tell you that they care deeply and still love their wives. Why? Because they are able to create an emotional bond that goes beyond sex. The thing is that most of those relationships have a foundation of lies and self deception. Most people don't tell their wives "I do not find you sexually attractive, but I love you and want to make this work". Sex-less marriages are a thing. A lot of people do it. Most straight monogamous people will stop having sex frequently by the time they are 60. The trick here is honesty. You have to be honest about who you are, why you are doing this, and allowing your partner the ability to consent to a relationship of this sort. Sex is important for a lot of people in order to create a relationship. Its not shallow, it just is. You have to allow people to consent to a marriage or relationship that would be mainly an emotional bond. Lying to a person about your intentions isn't ethical, it selfish, and it doesn't create the healthier relationship that you are seeking
Physical attraction is the basis of all attraction. It is the natural foundation upon which everything else is built. Do we, as a society, overstate the importance of physical attractiveness and pointlessly shun those who do not fit the ideal? Yes, we do. But that does not mean that physical attractiveness doesn't count or has no value, because everyone is attracted to something a little different. I may be bisexual to a certain degree, from what I can tell, but I can't shake this interest in men I've been having lately because my sexual drive craves a male physique. I never thought I would want that, but one day I suddenly did. And for true emotional satisfaction, I think being with whom you find physically appealing is important, no matter how shallow or superficial physical appearance may seem.
Seems to me like you answered your own question. Anyone can love anyone for personality alone. However, physical attraction doesn't work like that. You like what you like and that's about the end of it. Finding a fulfilling relationship is a matter of having enough of both. On the same train of thought though, gender is no obstacle to me. But that doesn't mean some people aren't better looking than others.
I'm not a guy, so my viewpoint is different. I'm not sexually attracted to my husband. To be fair I'm rarely sexually attracted to anyone, so for me it's not unusual. But I am romantically attracted to him. It works for us. We do have sex, which I enjoy, but there are relationships with little to no sex. They can be just as happy and fulfilling as a relationship that includes sex. But it needs communication and openess. Both partners need to be on the same page. Homosexual and biromantic is a label some people identify as. If it's something you want to explore that's your call. But will it really make you happier than living life as your true authentic self? And honesty is key with any potential partners.
I personally am more attracted to emotional connections and inner beauty myself....yet, I'd still never want to be in a romantic relationship with a man. The way I see it is that sometimes physical features can affect the emotional compatibility too. For example, Men (if we're strictly talking about cis men) have penises. A penis is a physical feature, but it also affects how you have sex. If I don't want to be penetrated (including orally/blowjobs), then it is a turn-off/dealbreaker, even though not wanting to be penetrated is still a personality/non-physical preference. How it would it be possible to date a man if I'm repulsed by how sex with penises work? Even if he has inner beauty, that's just a friendship. Straight people also have different cultural beliefs than gay people do (on average). If I dislike straight culture and dislike the way a stereotypical straight male behaves, then it would be a dealbreaker to date a man, even though my preference is not based on looks. I hope this makes sense to why inner beauty isn't always enough to date someone. Even when a person prefers inner beauty over looks.
