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My closeted fwb keeps flaking on me...Help!!!

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Bondzeibi, Mar 16, 2017.

  1. Bondzeibi

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    A few months ago, I went on a dating app just have convos with random guys. I started talking to this guy who was honestly drop dead GORGEOUS! He was my type in ever way: college football player, tall, mascular, burly, frat boy, nice smile. We decided we were just going to be f buddies or fwb's. He made it clear that he was bisexual and extremely closeted.The first time we had sex was in a hotel and it was very good and so we made plans to meet the following week. When the day to meet up came, he canceled on me for some lame reason. We scheduled to meet another time and he canceled last minute saying his job moved him to another state. He acted like a complete different person after we met. Infact he even told me he was going to block me off snapchat cos he feared his nosey roomates might find out he snaps a guy. In person he is super sweet and through text he is very bland. A month later I texted to meet up and he said he no longer had a car and was in another state. After this I blocked him and wanted nothing to do with him. Just about two days ago he texted me out of nowhere very horny and insisted we meet up...I refused to meet up but he kept insisting until I gave in. After our encounter he said he wanted to see me again before I went back to college. He said he was going take off work so we can spend the day at a hotel. The day came and he cancelled on me saying he was badly affected by a snow storm and that after the storm clears we can meet up in two days. The day came and he canceled saying his car was stuck in Snow and that he was gonna get it out and meet up but we never did. He cancelled after setting up plans again because he was apparently hosting a party.What pisses me off is that he never texts to let me know if plans are canceled. I am always left hanging until I text to ask if we are still meeting or not. At this point I am tired of the disappointment and want to know if I should just find someone else or just believe his excuses? And also do you guys think him canceling on me has to do with him being very closeted because when we first met he kept telling me that nothing serious can come out of us meeting up. Basically he insinuated that i should not catch feelings cos he is bisexual and would rather be with a woman and play around with guys. Even though he said he was single and not seeing anyone, part of me is thinking he has a girlfriend and I am just the guy he runs to when he wants to be with a guy once in a while and that's why he refuses to meet me regularly. The other part of me is saying he is just scared that we might catch feelings and hence the reason he remains distant. I must say that I have no feelings for him whatsover. I can careless if this fwb relationship continues or not. What do you guys think? Should I drop him...your opinions are very much appreciated!
     
    #1 Bondzeibi, Mar 16, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2017
  2. Chip

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    Drop him. You deserve better.
     
  3. Moonsparkle

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    Always always watch people's actions more than listening to their words. Their actions will reveal who they are. His actions have already told you he is a 'flaker', not to be trusted, doesn't keep his word.

    Your line 'I refused to meet up (good intuition!) but he kept insisting so I gave in (not so good!)--shows him that he can basically do whatever and if he pushes it enough you will give in to his plans. Which seem not to materialize anyway.

    Don't allow yourself to be left hanging. This guy doesn't even let you know when he DOES cancel! Don't try to reason out WHY he behaves like this, just take it at face value, and move on, this isn't worth it.

    I've fallen into/accepted this sort of behavior from people I was interested in in the the past (a couple times in my life!) and many people have! It's difficult when we are attracted to someone, but you can't control the behavior of others-just take it for what it is.

    You do deserve better than dealing with all this flakiness! All the best to you Bondzeibi!
     
  4. CameOutSwinging

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    It sounds like he's causing you stress. FWB relationships shouldn't cause you stress. They're supposed to just be fun. Sounds like you should drop him.
     
  5. Lexington

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    "He cancelled last minute saying his job moved him to another state"? What - just that minute?

    He's interested in you as along as he's horny enough to want to meet up. Not enough benefits, and definitely not enough friend. Move on. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #5 Lexington, Mar 17, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2017
  6. I'm gay

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    Absolutely drop him. No question.

    This is exactly the problem with being with closeted guys and why I won't do it any more. He will only ever want to be with you when he is horny. There really is no friendship possibility because he won't want to be seen with you - ever. So, for him, it's just a hookup and will only happen on his terms and never yours.

    No guy is worth your self respect.
     
  7. Bondzeibi

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    Thanks a lot! That was great advice!

    ---------- Post added 17th Mar 2017 at 07:48 PM ----------

    Exactly what I am saying! Not enough benefits...