So I've reached the point that I feel like i'd really benefit from seeing a counselor. I tried looking up counselors for LGBT issues and the first one that I called said they don't accept insurance and that it's $160 for a session, which i definitely can't afford. So I instead decided to look through providers from my insurance company, but I will only go see a female, males in general make me uncomfortable, and because the insurance that I have there are only 3 options and 2 are not at all close to me, which will make it hard to make this happen. The other one is a little closer, but doesn't necessarily say she deals with LGBT issues. Is it worth trying to get an appointment with her if she's going to not be able to help me in this area? Are there any questions I should be asking when trying to make an appointment? It's so hard for me to even consider talking to a therapist, I almost hung-up while I was on hold with the first place today and then once they told me the cost I wanted to just give up. Thanks in advance for any help!
Hi there! The experience you're having isn't uncommon... I think it's incredibly scary for most people to consider going to therapy if they've never been before. And in the world of managed healthcare, it isn't easy to find therapists, or to get in to see them, so you're already ahead of the game if you've gotten as far as identifying someone. So to address your questions: First, I'm a strong belliever that you don't need a therapist who specializes in LGBT issues to have a good and helpful experience dealing with LGBT issues in therapy. Unless you manage to get someone who was educated at a conservative Christian school, nearly every therapist has received pretty extensive training in dealing with LGBT-related issues (which, for the most part, really aren't much different than many other similar issues that therapists deal with all the time.) My second therapist, the one I first came out to, had no prior experience working with LGBT clients. Yet she was amazing. She had deep insights and was incredibly empathic and helpful in enabling me to process my feelings, understand who I was, and come to terms with my identity. She also helped with many other seemingly unrelated issues that intertwined deeply with my identity. And I've met many other therapists who, while they may not specialize in LGBT issues nonetheless have extensive experience in working with those populations. So one thing to ask about is her theoretical orientation and approach. For someone dealing with identity issues, spending some time exploring your feelings, understanding what's gettign in the way of living authentically, and simply talking about the fears is really important, and that is best explored with insight, psychodynamic, or eclectic approaches. Many therapists today tend to focus on cognitive-behavioral therapy, which managed care loves because it claims to cure everything in a dozen sessions. Unfortunately, while CBT techniques are extremely effective and useful for a number of things including anxiety and depression, a therapist who is primarily CBT oriented may not be the best in exploring the underlying issues. Another question is simply what experience she has with, and her comfort level working with, LGBT clients. (or, if you prefer, you could simply say "clients exploring their sexual orientation"). As I said above, it's a near certainty she will have experience in this area unless her profile has "Christian" all over it, but it's a good idea to ask. And really, what it boils down to in the end is... do you feel a connection with the therapist's style, feel, and personality? No therapist is the right one for everyone, and it really is about finding someone you feel comfortable talking to. A good therapist will listen, encourage, and also challenge you to explore yourself, and to be OK going into uncomfortable areas once they have developed rapport with you. So your role is to simply decide if this is someone you think you can connect with. One other thought: Many therapists will work on a sliding scale if you ask. $160 is a pretty common "rack rate", but nearly every therapist I know of takes some clients at a discounted rate. One place to look is Open Path Collective, which has a large variety of therapists all over the country that see clients for $30-50 a session. Some are newer therapists (which isn't necessarily bad), but many have years of experience and simply can afford to take clients that cannot afford the full fee. And most universities that have counseling programs that will see clients (with supervised student therapists) very inexpensively or even for free. Finally, I wouldn't push you to see a male therapist if that's absolutely off the table, but I will tell you that there are an overwhelming number of extraordinarily talented, gentle, compassionate male therapists out there who are excellent at what they do. Men who go into psychotherapy are tyipcailly pretty different from your typical alpha male, and even people who have difficulty with men in general often find male therapists to be a very different experience. Additionally, if you have real problems being around men, working with a male counselor (whether you do so now or after some time seeing a female therapist) could be really beneficial to you in re-establishing a healthier and safer perception of men. I hope the above is helpful!
Thank you so much! I appreciate all of your advice, I am definitely going to look into the website you suggested. The therapist I called $160 was the reduced cost, it was normally $180
That therapist wouldn't be on my shortlist. $20 off of $180 isn't remotely affordable for someone asking for sliding scale. All the power to her if she can get it, but, really, the therapists I know that do sliding scale go as low as $25-40 for clients with real financial need who are highly motivated. Good luck, and if you don't find anything that works for you, let us know, there might be some other ideas.
Hi Musicheals315, First, I agree, $160.00 as a 'discounted' rate seems ridiculous! If you have a good relationship with your primary care physician and he/she knows you well, you could ask him/her for a referral. That is how I found my therapist--and he is great. I have been working with him for the past couple of years, I can tell you the experience has been invaluable. Chip mentioned CBT therapists, and my therapist does largely focus on this type of therapy, though not solely. The focus being to assist in changing thought patterns and behaviors that I feel have not been working for me and have been causing me distress. This type of therapy actually does work for me. (Though in therapy sessions at first we of course did spend some time on on the 'whys' I do what I do and feel the way I do about myself/have these ingrained thought patterns etc. Understanding all this is an important springboard to changing things that aren't working.) As Chip said, I would also agree...it is not necessary to find a therapist that specializes in LGBT issues. The key is to really find an experienced therapist you connect with. Mine is not a specialist in this area...but he 'gets it'. And has been very helpful as I have navigated this journey in recognizing and accepting my sexuality. Also by not focusing on LGBT specialists you will open your field of available therapists to you--which would make finding a good one, that takes your insurance and/or offers a sliding scale more likely. So yes, I would say you should make the appointment with the therapist you are considering! All the best to you!
I just want to pile on and reiterate this point. Through my journey, I worked with three therapists until I found someone where the chemistry worked and the power dynamic was appropriate. Based on your personality, some therapists may be to soft, and just the same some may be too strong. I ultimately found the therapist whom had the confidence to push and challenge me through word of mouth and a personal referral from a gay friend. Where the prior therapists I met with and whom I struggled to connect with were suggesting from my GP or family members. As also mentioned, my therapist offered a wide sliding scale based on ability to pay. On a personal note, I had what was effectively an exit interview with my therapist last night. We looked back on the progress I made, agreed on areas that I should remain focused on, and determined that I no longer need regular visits. Had I not kept an open mind while trying to find the right therapist, I question whether I would have, or when I would have, gotten to this point.
