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Is kink queer? What do you think?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Mariana, Mar 23, 2017.

  1. Mariana

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    I saw a post elsewhere about a tweet by the Huffington Post where they replied to another tweet that said kink isn't queer. Huffpost said kink falls under the umbrella term queer.

    That made me wonder - is kink queer?

    I think it really depends on your definition of queer. So I'm curious what other people think.

    Personally, I think that if I was talking to my queer friends and I used the word "queer" I probably wouldn't mean sexual fetishes etc.
    But if you're coming at it from the perspective of Queer Theory, I think kink can definitely be included in the term because here queer is understood as anything that's not norm-compliant, right?

    I want to stress that I don't think there has to be one correct answer to this and I don't want to provoke any heated arguments - I'm just curious to see what other people think :icon_wink
     
  2. Creativemind

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    Queer technically means "strange, unusual, etc" so ....yes on a very technical level. I mean, a heterosexual could be queer if they like anything besides romantic sex in the missionary position too, but I really don't want that linked in with LGBT community at large.

    I would prefer LGBT to be about same-sex attraction (or varied gender identity in case of trans people) rather than any sex practice outside the norm. Otherwise our community becomes too large. And it also gives the wrong impression of gay people, imo. What if a gay man or lesbian is very conservative and vanilla when it comes to sex? Linking all kink in with our community will make straight people think we're all sex-crazed or experimental in bed, when we aren't. This is something I very strongly want to avoid.

    But this is also why I hate the word queer being associated with LGBT in general. You're right, queer means unusual, and some cishetero people are unusual. But LGBT shouldn't be about the varied practices of heterosexuals. It's a community where I want to talk specifically about same-sex attraction with other same-sex attracted folks.
     
  3. Mariana

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    Good point!

    I don't agree 100% but as I said, I don't want to get into heated arguments - I just like hearing people's opinions, so thanks for replying!
     
  4. Creativemind

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    To add on to it:

    The main problem I have with it is this: Heterosexuals who like kink and poly still have hetero privilege and oppress gay, bi, and transgender people.

    Most het kink is also Male dominance/female submission, and that still fits heteronormativity and the status quo. It might be strange and get you attacked when it involved chains and whips (and especially to people who view this as "abuse of women" ) but a kinky heterosexual will still be more socially accepted than a kinky gay person (or even a vanilla gay person). I would consider it much more strange for a heterosexual to engage in femdom since that actually fits gender variant problems that our community fits into.

    If we go into poly, it actually has a lot of hetero and couple privilege. Hetero men will sometimes hold one penis polices where the woman isnt' even allowed to sleep with other men. This actually resembles the old days of polygyny which was socially acceptable and expected of men to do. It also ties into the misogyny and homophobia of the idea that heterosexual relationships are superior and count more than lesbian relationships do. As a lesbian who is sick of having my relationships invalidated, I go to the LGBT community to feel safe from this. Dealing with heterosexual supremacy in my own community is a horrifying thought to deal with, and It's also horrifying to feel that I might be sexually objectified or assaulted by heterosexuals who don't view me as a person beyond what fits their sexual needs (which has been my experience with 99% of poly het couples).

    That's not to say that kink and poly is bad. I support them, but I think they need their own community. Gay people can also be kink and poly, but their homosexuality oppresses them and hurts them socially more than what they're sexually into. Our community needs to focus on that. It's the same with interracial relationships- historically oppressed, needs support, but racial issues are still a different category.
     
  5. Eyerene

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    I also don't think that kinks should be placed under the queer umbrella. Just as Creativemind said, the LGTBQ+ community should focus on those who are not straight or cis. Kinky straight people can be kinkshamed but I personally wouldn't call it discrimination against queer people. Kinky straight people are a lot more likely to be accepted than anyone in our community, so I don't think that kinks should fall under the Queer umbrella.

    Sure, kinks are different and people can be shamed for having them, but no one is going to kill you or lock you in jail because of them, unlike actually being queer.
     
    #5 Eyerene, Apr 1, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 1, 2017
  6. PokemonGuy12345

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    No. The "Queer" community is not for quirky straight people, or just an umbrella for stuff that "isn't the norm". Plus, if we define it as that, that is a super slippery slope of a definition. I don't even use that word to label the LGBT community, as it's a slur that many are not comfortable being referred to as. So I just say LGBT. But you don't come out to your parents as "being kinky". You don't lose your job or get kicked out for "being kinky". In fact, that's stuff that should be kept mostly private. Straight cis people who are "kinky" have not been systematically oppressed in any way, they have no need to come into our community, and to take our resources. My two cents.