I really need some advice, or some help. It's 12:30 am and I'm in a full blown anxiety attack. I am not going to send this tonight, if at all, but I realized that I really need my parents more than I've ever needed them. The email below has the jist of everything that's been going on in my life in the past 2 years. --- Dear parents, I’m really scared to say what I have to say, because I know you will both be disappointed in me. And I know you’ll be worried about me when reading through this, because I am worried for myself. Over the past 3 semesters, I have been battling depression. Nothing severe, I’m definitely not suicidal and I’m not self harming, I’m just not taking care of myself like I should. I don’t find joy in the things that I use to, like reading and art. I do not eat as often as I should, and when I do, its simple things like sandwiches or pasta. The cause of my depression began in October 2015, when I began to question my sexuality. I’ve concluded that I am bisexual, and most likely gay. I had a lot of trouble accepting it, but I’m now comfortable where I am. I think that I may fail this semester. I can only motivate myself to go to class about half the time. I hand in all assignments and labs on time, and I do ok on them, but when it comes to tests I can’t find the motivation to study. For example, I failed my stats midterm (one of 2 I had this semester). Whether or not I do fail, I’m not sure I want to return for my fourth year. I’m not even sure I want to finish this semester, even though there’s only a week and a half left (then exams). I know that having a stable job/career is important. School has been becoming far too stressful and I’m struggling to keep up with everything. To be honest, I really don’t know what I want in life. Geography still greatly interests me, but I can’t actually see myself going out and getting a job in that field, or in any other field. My constant thought is “What am I doing with my life?” The only thing that I really want to do is travel. I also find that I am very happy working at A&W, although I know that is not something I should do for the rest of my life. I have tried getting help. Friend1 and I use to talk a lot about what’s going on in our lives. I’ve talked to both Friend2 and Friend3 a lot as well. I feel more and more distant from everyone recently. I’ve been to the counselling centre a few times as well. I really don’t think I have the energy for school anymore, and I’m sorry to be a disappointment. I’m really not sure what else to say. I probably should have told you all this sooner. --- I have omitted the financial issues I am having in the email. That is one thing I do not want my parents to worry about right now, as money has been tight in the past (and also a bit recently too). I figure so long as I am able to pay rent and my phone bill that I am *ok*
I see you mention seeing a counsellor. Will you be seeing them again? Maybe show them this email and see what they have to suggest. That being said, the letter looks good but I'm guessing they're going to hope you'll finish the semester. Good luck.
I've highlighted this paragraph, because it's probably most significant. You identify your sexuality as the cause of the depression, even though you have now accepted it and feel comfortable with it. So would you say the remaining stress and depression about your sexuality is connected to being closeted and keeping the secret from your parents, or is there more to it? Try to tell us, if you can. If you send this letter to your parents and they do offer support and acceptance, what effect do you think it will have on the depression? Do you believe it will lift, to some extent and will that enable you to pick up your studies? I ask this because all of the issues with school seem to follow on from the low mood and I'm wondering if you might see in uplift, if your parents offer help and support. As it stands you seem to be in a downward spiral where all problems stem from the challenges of being bi or gay. If you could resolve the main problem, how might things change, more generally? To help your parents understand, you may wish to include a link to PFLAG. I notice you are in Canada, so here is the link to the Canadian site: https://pflagcanada.ca/ In our resources area, you will also find some sample coming out letters that other members have sent to their parents. Take a look at them because they may offer some inspiration.
@Really I fully intend on seeing the counsellor again, and I would like to show them this letter, or the alternate that I write. Thanks @PatrickUK There is a bit more to my depression than just my sexuality, it stemmed from something that happened a little before I started to figure this whole thing out. I also don't feel that I have to hide it from my parents, I know they'll be understanding and accepting. I do not think much of the stress I'm feeling comes from "hiding" it from my parents, as I do not currently live at home. It is not too big a deal for me to tell them at the moment. I have internally re-written the letter, as I was very upset when I was writing it. I've had time to reflect. I'll try to convey some of what I've got here. I feel that, rather than quit school altogether, I will start by taking a year off. I am in year 3 of 4, but almost certainly failing. I am still very interested in what I study, and I obviously cannot see the future and have no clue if I could or would land a job. Whether or not I will actually enjoy that job is another thing I cannot predict. I enjoy learning for the sake of learning, not when I have to be tested on all the material they cram into my brain in 4 months. A downward spiral is the best description for my situation. I'm not yet sure all the challenges I'm facing considering my sexuality, but I fell that if I can come to some sort of understanding with myself that I can start to pick myself back up again. Again, though, my depression does involve some other aspects, which is for another thread I think. I hope I was able to answer some of your questions for a better understanding. I'm not sure I completely conveyed everything I wanted to, but oh well! Thanks for linking Pflag as well, I took a brief look on my work break today and I think it will be a great resource :icon_lol:
