Dear all, I am new here. I'm a lesbian approaching mid-30's. I've been trying to find people to talk to. Unfortunately, I am closeted and don't have many friends, partly due to the nature of my job and partly because all my close friends are married with kids. I got to know someone from an online dating service. We hit it off right from the start and wrote long emails to each other everyday. I have never met anyone else who had so much in common with me. We live near each other and even planned to meet early next month. Unfortunately, I got too comfortable with her. I revealed that I am on long-term medications for chronic depression. She said she was disturbed, which hit a nerve in me. We got into a minor argument. Thereafter, she completely stopped contacting me, and, went so far as to delete her profile in that online dating site. I refrained from contacting her for one week. Just to give us both a cooling off period. I wrote to her yesterday, asking if we could drop the subject of my depression (I am a stable, working adult, and, my condition is under control) and resume contact. This is what she wrote: "Work is already tiring, I don't need to log on to the computer to find myself in another intense conversation with someone I have not even met. "I am focusing on other things in life and have deleted the account. I will be deleting this mailbox too. "Wishing you all the best." I admit that during the short period of time when we were emailing each other daily, I fell a little in love with her. I replied that we do not have to cut off all avenues of communication over a minor conflict. But, that I will respect her wishes. I find myself grieving deeply over this loss. I have not connected with anyone else in this way and have also deleted my profile. I'm not sure what she wants... an apology? I need help in getting over her.
Wow that was cold. You definitely do not owe her an apology. I am sorry that you've been hurt by her and I'm not surprised that you're grieving. You deserve someone who cares for you no matter what. I'm on medication for depression, it's not perfect I still have bad days and I accept that. From what you have said it seems that she did not feel capable of dealing with it and that's her failing and nothing to do with you. Again I am sorry it didn't work out however you deserve someone who is understanding and supportive
I gave in and apologised... I just did it... via email. I did say some hurtful words during our minor conflict and I think she deserves an apology. The deleting of her profile and stonewalling behaviour do feel like a power trip... but, I also think she was really hurt. I think it's worth a try and if she continues to ignore me, I will let her go and continue to grieve for this loss... I just wanted to be honest with her about my condition... but, I've learned that I should never reveal it to anyone... The stigma is too strong :'(
You shouldn't have to hide any part of yourself, however I understand the stigma. I worry about meeting someone because of my depression etc it's an integral part of me and has had a big influence on the person I am today. I have a long way to go and I'm only at the beginning of my journey however I still hope that there's a woman out there for me who will love me for who I am not who I think I should be.
Wow! Her reaction seems absolutely inappropriate for the 'revelation' of you being treated with medication for depression. And her deleting her account and her mailbox seems way over the top. Yes there is some stigma still--but it's not like the 'old days'. Many people are being treated effectively with medication for depression. Every other commercial on TV is for another new medication for depression. It's much more common for people to discuss this openly today. And I am sorry that your online friend turned out to be someone not okay with a discussion of this nature. Maybe she is just someone looking for a non-serious relationship-as in doesn't want to talk about any serious topics. Maybe your mention of depression touched a nerve in her for some reason...who knows. But one things for sure, you did nothing wrong and you didn't owe her an apology. It's understandable that this is really difficult to deal with right now---after all it sounds like you two chatted a lot, and were making plans to meet. Grieving the loss of this and what 'might have been' is natural. Just don't blame yourself for this happening--you would have found out how this girl reacts to certain issues soon enough anyway. Maybe it's just better it happened now..even though it hurts. I understand this experience will make you a little less likely to want to reveal your condition in the future. And there is still some stigma around this. But many people wouldn't even think twice if they learned this about you...it would pretty much be a non-issue. Take care
We chatted a lot... sometimes exchanging two long emails a day. Which was something, considering the fact that we're both working full-time. She happens to be a freelance journalist. That's one of the things I liked about her... she could write and indulge my long emails without feeling that she was obliged to. We are both dog lovers and planned to meet at the beach with our dogs, so we could teach my dogs to swim. I was looking into buying doggy life vests for this purpose, as my dogs are small. She did talk about very personal stuff. Perhaps it gave me a false sense of security. When I revealed that I am taking meds for depression, she said that she was harassed by two friends, on separate occasions. They were sending as many as 40 texts a day. One was bipolar, the other probably had an undiagnosed mental illness. She probably decided that I was going to do the same. But, I haven't been harassing her. I gave her space. I sent her a short email the day before, hoping to get in touch again. She replied me (as above, in my first post). After further consideration, I replied her with an apology, yesterday. A short email. I haven't contacted her since... and, I haven't received any response from her. I am losing hope. When we were still friends, I sent her my photo. She said she was not comfortable sending me her's at that point. I accepted it. Maybe she didn't like what she saw and felt I am not worth fighting for. I told her it was unnecessary to delete her profile and email (for what it's worth, I don't think she can delete her email a/c), as I will leave her alone if that's what she really wants... and, she can meet other girls. We had a minor disagreement, that's all... I've had much worse altercations with people in the past and they never cut me off like that. I probably fooled myself into thinking that she felt the same as I do. I didn't want to rush into a relationship... I just thought I had found a match, finally, and that there was a possibility we could be together. I haven't connected so well with anyone before, and, I'm not sure if I can ever find anyone like her again. I'm sorry for all the negativity... I'm feeling extremely sad.
Thats a tough situation but at the end of the day it will be her loss. Let yourself have a little grieving time and then move on. There will be other girls out there that you connect with in a similar way you just have to find them. Try and keep smiling things will get better.
Hi, I am so sorry that this happened to you. Very recently I had someone I love dearly cut me off from her life. I will soon by posting about that as I need advice and support for my own grieving. I just want you to know you are not alone. Bee
Hey Alias. I know you are in a bad place at the moment. You need to grieve in order to be able to move on. I am sure you will find the right woman for you.
Thanks everyone... she hasn't replied my apology email. I've decided to let her go. It's still painful. I'm just hoping for the pain to diminish with time.
