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Feeling sad over questioning my sexuality? Please help?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Ljjgreat2017, Mar 28, 2017.

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  1. Ljjgreat2017

    Ljjgreat2017
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    Today, something has striked me. For some reason, I feel like I am turning gay. I have had attractions to males and females. I consider myself to be bisexual. I want the words to come out right but my thoughts might be all over the place. Please bear with me. I don't want to make this too long. The reason why I feel like I am turning gay is because whenever I feel a sexual "spark" or excitement (I am trying my best to be discreet), it seems to involve gay feelings. If I could see a picture of a good looking guy, I'll feel a romantic or sexual "spark".

    I'm a male (you can pretty much see that on my profile). In the past, I've had romantic feelings towards females. My first and second crushes were females. There was one guy who appeared attractive in between that time. Then, in high school, I started questioning my sexuality. I even remember going through a gay "denial" phase. Throughout my high school years, I would notice feelings of attractions for males then it would shift to females and then back. It was like a pattern.

    I realize that sexuality is a very fluid and complex thing. I realize that it is possible to be bisexual. But for some reason, I feel like I am leaning to my gay attractions. For a while, I was leaning to my straight attractions.

    There are times in which I feel asexual. Sometimes people don't give me a "spark" at all. It varies though.

    I am feeling a little sad because I think I want a relationship at some point in my life. But it seems like I can't figure out who I am. But then again, I have moments where my questioning identity doesn't bother me. I don't know exactly.

    Deep down, I want to have feelings for females (possible internalized homophobia????????) but then I realize that having feelings for guys is nothing to feel bad about.

    I feel sad because I can't seem to figure out what attraction feels strong. Around 2015, my attraction to females was stronger but now I feel like it is declining.

    Also, I feel lost in life right now. But I still try to keep a positive and optimistic mindset. My life isn't extremely bad.

    I'm sorry for the long length. I hope I didn't offend anyone with this post.

    There are probably hundreds, if not millions, of things that I want to say but I'll stop here.

    Can you give any advice? Any input? Any personal stories? Can you relate to me in any way? Any help would be appreciated?
     
    #1 Ljjgreat2017, Mar 28, 2017
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2017
  2. Dan Runo

    Dan Runo
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    in the long run does it matter what you label yourself with? just enjoy being with who ever you want to. it will eventually sort it self out as you come to understand yourself more.
     
    #2 Dan Runo, Mar 29, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 29, 2017
  3. skittlz

    skittlz
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    I think Dan Runo has a point here. Although labels can be helpful and clarifying, sometimes they're complicated and it can be easier to just leave it at that. There's no need to over analyze your sexuality if it's causing you too much stress.

    Like you said, I think because sexuality is so complex, it could vary from a day-to-day, monthly, yearly, etc basis. It's possible for someone to prefer a gender more than another, and have those "ratios" change. So It doesn't necessarily mean that what you felt before was untrue for that time, but the most important part is how you feel at the present. And sometimes it's really hard to describe or define those current feelings with even cohesive ideas, but the gut feeling is, surprisingly, often sufficient.

    Also, I suppose that because each individual is unique in personality, their gender may not be as important when it comes to relationships or attraction. For example, maybe you're usually into one gender more, but you may develop a strong attraction towards an individual person who is of a different gender. Overall, when it comes to being who you are, I find that it's important to remember that your orientation is only a part of your identity as a person, and that people you like and don't like are more than just their gender too. Reminding myself of that when I was younger helped me not feel too stressed about me questioning.

    Anyways, Good Luck! :slight_smile:
     
    #3 skittlz, Mar 29, 2017
  4. beenthrdonetht

    beenthrdonetht
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    Yes and yes.

    This is the central point. It is almost impossible to escape some internal homophobia. And... having feelings for guys is something we should celebrate. It's not given to us to love everyone, even though we should. But to be able to love someone, is good.
     
    #4 beenthrdonetht, Mar 29, 2017
  5. Ljjgreat2017

    Ljjgreat2017
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    Thanks. I understand where you're coming from. Your advice is spot on. I know it seems like I'm stressing too much about it. I agree with that sexual orientation is only a small aspect of who you are. I appreciate your post.
     
    #5 Ljjgreat2017, Mar 30, 2017
  6. Ljjgreat2017

    Ljjgreat2017
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    You made some really great points. I'm glad that you agreed with me. These perspectives have lifted my mood. I appreciate you for taking the time to write this response.

    ---------- Post added 30th Mar 2017 at 10:45 AM ----------
    I agree. Your perspective on this was great.
     
    #6 Ljjgreat2017, Mar 30, 2017
  7. tealreality

    tealreality
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    For years I thought I was attracted only to women, until very recently when I finally allowed myself to express my feelings for men. I feel so right with myself finally for the first time in a long time. But i still continue to have thoughts that I might still be able to have a relationship with a woman. So I try not to label myself as gay, at least for the time being. But I don't want to label myself as bi rught now either. All I know is that I want to experience and live with these new found feelings and realizations. And I don't want to close the door completely on a life that I lived for so long. I figure there will be time enough for labels later.

    Don't worry about the conflicting feelings. I think that part of the coming out experience that we are going through is to allow ourselves to experience the full range of our feelings, all of them. And learning not to fear our feelings. I don't think we need to be in a rush to label ourselves.
     
    #7 tealreality, Mar 30, 2017
  8. Ljjgreat2017

    Ljjgreat2017
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    Thanks. These are some very good points. I agree with you based on what you said about the coming out experience. It is definitely important to experience all our feelings. I feel better now.
     
    #8 Ljjgreat2017, Mar 31, 2017
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