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Might have outed myself to be crush

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by curiousmind, Mar 30, 2017.

  1. curiousmind

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    I'm pretty sure he knows I'm not straight. Since the last time I posted here I came extremely close to coming out to my crush (honestly not sure if I did actually). One night I hung out with him and a group of friends at one of the bars we frequent. We joked like we always do (about one or the both of us being gay) which is pretty typical. As the night went on everyone left one by one until it was just us two. After a certain time the bar was pretty much a club and he and I ended up chilling on the edge of the dance floor. I was pretty drunk and I ended up dancing with some random chick but when I looked up he was gone. Being the lovesick puppy dog I went to find him and he asked me why I stopped dancing to come look for him. I didnt really know what to say and I honestly don't remember my exact response. I just remember wanting to tell him how I felt about him and I remember trying to lead the conversation to him asking if I was gay. I don't remember the whole conversation but I remember we ended up talking about gay people.

    I woke up the next day at home, don't know how I got there or even leaving the bar (I know... Bad) and I tried texting him but he didn't respond until the next day with a very short msg. After that he didn't respond to any of my other texts. I could be over-thinking but he seemed to be avoiding me at work too. No lie, that's the first time I've cried in years. It was a few weeks later that he finally text me again with "what you doing, gay boy?" Sounds bad but I've text him that same thing before but in that moment I was freaking out. I didn't know if he was effin with me or if he was making a statement. After I didn't respond he text me again and we ended up grabbing dinner and a movie, just the two of us.

    After that, it's been like nothing's changed. Still joke the same, we still gay flirt with each other, I slap his ass, he grabs mine. But sometimes how he looks at me is just different. Not bad, just different. I can't explain it. The last time we hung out he told me a few times how cute and sexy I looked that night. He jokingly punch me in the abs the immediately rubbed my stomach as if he liked the way it felt and he even pinched my chin hair and ran his finger down my v-neck at one point.

    I don't know what to think or do. I'm so confused and I feel so vulnerable. Before all this I had stopped hanging out with him as much so I could get over him and I felt like I was just getting there but now I'm back where I started. Sorry for the length but sometimes I just need someone to talk to. I hold so much inside and this feels like the only place I can get a fraction of it out.

    Any thoughts? Did I out myself or am I making this up in my head? Anything like this happen to anyone else? And how long is too long to harbor a crush?
     
  2. Coctober

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    Wow, sounds like a very similar situation I had with a friend.

    Best thing to do is just tell him straight up (but like, take him somewhere just you two, quiet) See where it leads. Otherwise you'll always think "what if"
     
  3. curiousmind

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    Easier said than done. It sucks because that is the exact advice i would give someone in my situation. But Im finding it extremely hard to practice what I preach. That night was my attempt at letting him know and I don't even know if I did or not. Deep down I think he knows though.
     
  4. curiousmind

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    I had the chance to sit and talk to him for hours, just the two of us. We talked a lot about how we're best friends and how much our friendship means to each other. At some point I told him that I love him and I told him how attractive I thought he was but I stopped short of actually coming out. He didn't seem too bothered by what I said. He told me he loved me too and shrugged off me telling him he was sexy. In the end I know he cares about me a lot and I think in the same way I care about him but neither of us are ready to say it out loud. I can't stop thinking about him now.
     
  5. ARB

    ARB
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    Can you just asked him what happened that night? Does he realize your memory is foggy? If you came out to him, and he doesn't know you don't remember it, he's probably wondering what's going on too.
     
  6. curiousmind

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    I did tell him I blacked out at a certain point and he pretty much said he did too, earlier than I did actually. He's never brought up anything we talked about from that night so at this point I think it's safe to assume he doesn't remember either.
     
  7. Soulstone

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    I find myself in similar situation with my best friend..We love each other a lot, and we both know its not just friendly love. When we get drunk, we confess to each other how we feel and even have sex (it happens maybe once twice a year for several years now). But on the next day we both take back what we said, feel awkward for couple of days and when everything goes back to "normal". I know it might sound very weird, but I know we are just not ready to admit what we feel and we don't want to risk our friendship. So my advice would be - don't push it. Enjoy the time you spend with him, the bond between you is obvious and I am pretty sure it's not just in your head. Everything will happen when the time is right.
     
  8. curiousmind

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    You're probably right, Soulstone. Sometimes I feel like this is the universe's way of punishing me for stringing girls along in the past. Ones that I knew liked me but I never gave them the time of day. Fitting I suppose. Guess now I know how it feels to want somebody I can't have.