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Need to vent

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by musicheals315, Apr 2, 2017.

  1. musicheals315

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2015
    Messages:
    76
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    Location:
    PHOENIX, AZ
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    For quite some time now, I've had these thoughts that everything would just be easier if I were to somehow disappear. I will preface all of this by saying I'm not actively suicidal and think even if I were in a situation where my life was in danger and there was something to be done about it, I would do what I could to prevent it, at the same time I can't help wishing that the world would end, or a natural disaster would strike, or a freak accident would occur and I'd be gone. I get that this is most likely depression and want to see a therapist, but don't have the time or money to do so. I don't want my family, my mom in particular, to be left with the burden of my debt and I don't want anything to happen to my dogs, but at the same time I feel like I'm so far in this hole of debt and stress that I can't see anyway out. I have no real friends, a few people I talk to on occasion, but not anyone I can talk to about all of my worries and doubts. Then I add in all this questioning/uncertainty of my gender identity and sexual orientation and it amplifies all my other stress. I keep thinking something will change and my life will get better...like I thought that once grad school was over things would improve, but that was almost 1.5 years ago, then moving out of living with my cousin 6 months ago, and now I just applied for a new job that would hopefully solve some of my money problems, but I just don't know if it's worth it because I will still be me. I will still not have confidence in myself and the job is even farther than my current job so I would potentially have a horrendous commute unless I could find a way to sublet my current place. I've contemplated moving back home with my parents out of state, but doing that would give up my freedom and independence because I'm not out yet and don't feel comfortable being me in front of my parents (not because of them, because I'm just not ready yet). Basically I feel stuck and don't see any other way out, but at the same time just keep chugging along pretending everything's fine and that things will get better. Sorry this is so depressing, I just need somewhere to vent and see if anyone has any other tips for getting through this kind of thing, when therapy is not a viable option at this time.
     
  2. Qwertuvle

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2016
    Messages:
    119
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    Location:
    Glendive, MT
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Venting as you have has always worked rather well for me. If not, I usually just go through everything I can think of to myself and just let it all out. It may not be great advice, but it's all I have to give... I hope you figure things out!^^