I have two topics I want to talk about but I didn't want to start two different threads...anyway, firstly, there's something I've been worried about for ages. I'm worried that if you grew up with parents who argued a lot, just slammed and threw things, were very deceptive and manipulative with each other, basically a toxic relationship, does that mean you and your partner will be the same? Because ever since I was a little kid, I always heard that if you grew up like this, you'd fall into the same patterns. I really don't think I am now but what if it happens and I don't even realize? Or what if there are things I think are healthy but they're really not? Is that possible? I don't want to hurt anybody but I'm afraid I will because all people say I will eventually. I used to pray to God, when I believed in God, that it wouldn't be like those people said but I'm still feeling concerned. It wasn't even just my parents but many relatives as well who had problematic relationships and I grew up knowing about them all. If you acknowledge they're unhealthy, does it mean your safe? ——— And I'm also going to get a flu shot tomorrow. It's kind of stupid but I'm really nervous about it. I didn't want to get it since it makes me sick, causes a whole lot of pain and I still get the flu afterwards anyway. But my dad said if I don't get it, I shouldn't bother coming home. And I was thinking that's fine because I've wanted to leave home for ages, I wanted to stay at my friend's house but he doesn't have a phone so I can't call up and ask to come over. His parents don't really like me anyway...but moving on, I'm worried that the nurses are going to miss and hit a vein because that happened to my brother with his flu shot and blood spurted everywhere. He said it hurt too. And I'm also worried that I'm going to tense up my arm and the needle will get stuck there or something. It's not even that I care about the pain too much, I just don't want a foreign and pointy object in my body. There's also these old self-harm cuts on my left upper arm, on the outside. Usually, they do it in the arm that isn't dominant and I'm right-handed so they'll want to do it on my left arm? Are they going to try and question me about it? Or I could just ask for it on my right arm but it'll be hard to do stuff I was going to put ice on my arm for like an hour or so before I go, so I can't feel anything but will that make it worse? (the cold will tense up the muscles?) or can you take painkillers beforehand?
It's completely possible. I grew up in an emotionally abusive home and I became emotionally abusive. It's hard to break the cycle once it becomes "normal" to you. Even now, I slip into my old ways even though I'm against what I'm doing. Shots usually don't hurt that bad, and I've had dozens of them. It's usually not that dramatic unless something goes wrong (incompetence) and I've found that to be rare.
