If anybody follows me on here they probably know i've been feeling like shit lately. And i love and appreciate the support on here, but i just think it'd be great to get some sort of support at work too. I'm just not sure if its an option or if it would be awkward, and if it is an option how to go about it without making it awkward. I'll just explain how they act now just acting on their own observations, without me directly telling them anything, and you all can tell me if you think its okay to talk to them at any level? Just to preface, my supervisors do know i self harm but not because i told them. Its because i decided fuck it like a few months back and wore short sleeves to work with couple day old cuts showing. I've done this a few times. I didn't expect a confrontation about them - i didn't expect any of them to care - so that's why i did it. WHy suffer in long sleeves on a warm day if nobody will give a damn anyways, was my line of thinking. So i tried it and was nervous as fuck but luckily nobody confronted it directly. In summary, potentially gay zms supervisor guy noticed them a few times but i can't really pin down the look on his face when he saw them. It wasn't bad i know that. The first time he saw them he paused and looked shocked but went back with what he'd been doing, coming over to deliver the change i'd ordered cause i had a line of customers waiting. One time prior to my showing them, he came over to me looking serious, and said he noticed i looked sad and lonely, but i fucked it up and asked about something a customer had needed help with cause i got tongue tied and nervous and he hasn't asked since. The outgoing conversational old lady veteran has asked casually how i was doing or if i was okay a few times, and one time she seriously asked because a customer had complained to her about me - which i really appreciated. The newer brunette woman supervisor does similarly, she'll ask if i'm okay sometimes and she always tries to put people where they want to go for their assignment. She's the one who got me off the register an hour after scratching my arm up in the bathroom on break last night, and had me just put away returns for my last hour of work. There is one incompetent asshole that i don't like, though. He's outgoing and friendly and jokes around with everyone, but he doesn't do his job very well despite being a supervisor whose worked there since he was a cart pusher. He's like my age. He isn't outright mean but the other day when i was super worried about something about my schedule and asking all the superivsors about it, he just gave me a half-assed answer and stood around. Maybe he was waiting for more questions or something. The customer had told me she had her own bags for her wine but because right after she said that asshole supervisor came over, i totally forgot (shitty short term memory) and started to bag them. Asshole supervisor started laughing at me and at this point i got pissed and hurt cause i was already upset about the schedule issue. The customer noticed and was very nice, appologizing for upsetting me but at this point i couldn't even reply cause i was fighting crying. It was more of a 'needle on the haystack' sort of thing cause so much had gone wrong that day, and here he was laughing at me. I glared at him and he left but i wanted to straight up tell him to shut up and fuck off but i didn't know if i could get away with it or not, or if he'd just act all offended and tell his friends about it. This is what prompted the scratching up of my arm on break in the bathroom that newer brunette woman supervisor may have pulled me off the register about later to do returns for the rest of the evening.
First off I am so sorry you are going through this tough time. It does sound like you have options at work to talk with people that would lend a friendly ear. The first step though is the hardest and you may have to open up and say Ito one of them I am struggling with something. As for the asshole I would avoid him at all cost. If he keeps harassing you I would even go as far to report him to another supervisor. Work sucks as it is and when you have to deal with an asshole it makes it even worse. You don't need that shit. So my suggestion to you is open up to someone at work you think you can trust and see where it goes. Also for here I know I am new but my private message is open if you want to talk. I have never gone through cutting, but I can sure listen and hopefully lend some helpful words or encouragement to you. I am also a Lesbian so we also have that in common.
Didn't mention my coworkers but i meant to. My coworkers are all either middle aged women with husbands and kids or highschool kids, and its the women that are outgoing and talk to me. But they talk to everyone, so there's that. I'll just talk casual surface talk with them, letting them tell me about something or another, usually work or their kids or whatever, and i'll comment and such but its hard for me to reciprocate sometimes. I try, its just hard given that i'm single and in the closet and younger than them. The only one whose young who talks to me is a guy whose girlfriend is about to have a baby - he's my age, but he talks to everyone too. Even if he's the easiest to talk to out of all the highschool and college age people i work with. The only supervisors I've done this casual, commenting, but difficult to reciprocate form of conversation with are outgoing old veteran lady and newer brunette woman, and they usually initiate it. I have a hard time initiating cause i never know if i'll just come off awkward and only end up hating myself later for even trying.
I think the best way to get what you want to say out there is formulate it in your head before you are going to do it. That way you can be more confident with what you are going to say. Hell, when I came out to my Mom I was 15 years old and scared as hell. I must have initiated that talk in my head 100 times before I actually did it and it turned out perfectly fine.
Aww thank you so much! I'll try to remember to send you a friend request after this - i've got terrible short term memory, but i'll try. Yeah, with incompetent asshole supervisor normally he's just casual, lenient, doesn't enforce anything, and that's just how he is. That's the first time he's done anything to hurt my feelings, normally his lenience just pisses me off. Potentially gay zms supervisor guy knows he's incompetent though and said he'd talk to him, so i'm sort of hoping he's on his way to getting reassigned lol. Potentially gay zms supervisor guy is above him and below the department manager so he's got some authority. Ah okay. Not gonna lie i was hoping somebody'd say that. But who to? Is it as simple as just being honest if somebody asks how i'm doing? I mean i can only trust my gut to know if they're even being honest and not scripting - like do they even care or are they just asking cause its expected. I feel like i fucked up my best chance with potentially gay zms supervisor guy cause he hasn't done anything that i would call personal since that time. Brunette woman and old veteran lady are good options though, both have acted like they care. I'm just not sure what to say or how much, ya know? I tend to get tongue tied and break down in these types of situations. I'm socially awkward in person and given my family background i'm so afraid of rejection or getting insulted that i just panic even if i know there's no rational chance they'll hurt me. Speaking of work, i gotta get ready so it might be a bit before i reply. I'll check this on my breaks though.
I would definitely start with the brunette or old veteran lady whoever you feel more comfortable with. I don't think you even have to start with I am having problems and jump right into it. Just start with casual conversation which can then lead into talking about your issues. That way you get a feel for the person and you can see if you really want to go through with it or not. Good Luck and don't work too hard tonight.
