Hi Everyone, This is like, my 3rd post in 3 days here, but I just gotta get this off my chest to someone, even though it's only tangentially related to my sexual orientation. Today is Easter and, although I'm not terribly religious, it just reminds me of when my grandparents were alive. They died about 8 years ago, and my family would always spend Easter with them. I never talk about this with my parents (I have a hard time expressing serious emotions with them, which is probably why I'm still closeted) but not a day has gone by when I don't think of them and miss them. I've always had a hard time relating to people my own age, and they were two of my best friends in the whole world. I usually dream about them maybe once a month or so, and for a short time it's like they're back again for real. Even though I know they wouldn't understand it, part of me regrets never telling them I'm gay. I don't even remember them ever asking me anything sexually related, so it's actually not like I ever had to lie to them like I have with my parents. I wish I could've let them know this about me though. I just miss them so much, even the smell of their house, which I still remember. It's been 8 years, but it's still hard to believe I will never see them or talk to them again. I just want to see them again so badly. Anyway, I just wanted to get this out. I've had a bit to drink and am feeling bit depressed. I hope you have a great day, even if you don't celebrate Easter. I for one say fuck all that stuff about homosexuality in the Bible. I don't care if embracing homosexuality and being religious is contradictory. I just don't care. I'm not really religious myself, but those people who preach that stuff are fucking going straight to hell. I specifically mean folks like Robert Gagnon. Look him up if you want to get riled up (just to give his youtube videos a thumbs down). The guy is an unfeeling self-righteous little prick who really couldn't give a shit about any of us and has no real understanding of the plan we go through. Fuck him. If there is a Heaven, we're the ones who will get in before that miserable little man. I fucking hate puritans (see the movie The Witch to find out what I mean, all of it is sheer bullshit designed to control people who are too fucking stupid to think for themselves). If you've made it this far through my rant, you're pretty hardcore. It's been cathartic for me to vent my feelings. These forums are seriously all I have for this kind of thing. I can't talk about this stuff with anyone.
Hi Alainbeaux. Sorry to hear that you're feeling bad, especially during Easter. It's very difficult to feel lonely, especially when it is not possible to tell your family about it. I can't really give you advice on that as I never came out to my family either. I myself am religious, but I couldn't agree with you more on the issue of homosexuality and the church. I've had quite an uncomfortable discussion with my priest the other day, who seems quite modern and liberal. He could do a full one hour mass in under 40 minutes at his speed, etc. Everybody loves him. However what really surprised me about that conversation was that he has a really backwards outlook on homosexuality; his sister is a psychologist in Poland and managed to prove that it is a choice. He is also a republican supporter, which was quite surprising as we live in the UK, and also that priests shouldn't really have political views. What I'm trying to say is that there is not much reason to get upset over religious people opposing homosexuality, as they are probably not as good as you are. My friend told me that as long as we are morally ethical then we shouldn't be afraid of punishment from God. I hope I didn't say anything controversial that may have offended someone, that wasn't my intention. I hope this helps, take care.
I'm really sorry to hear about your grandparents. You must have really loved them, and they must have been really good people for you to feel the way you do about them. I remember I lost my grandfather back when I was still pretty young and sometimes I still feel like I miss him a lot. My dad's whole side of the family drifted apart after he died because our grandpa was the only one keeping the family together and without him nobody made the effort anymore. I know it can be tough to deal with losing someone who's very close to your heart, and I'm sure that yoru grandparents would have loved you gay or not. =3 Religion can be very upsetting and very backwards at time, but there are plenty of very progressive forward-thinking churches as well. Don't let a bad church get you down, if the one you go to doesn't accept you for who you are there are always others. Though personally I'm an atheist myself and I'd encourage you to think critically of religion as a whole.
