My mother keeps bringing this up, saying this not only to me but my two other sisters and it's starting to bug me. The first time she said it was about two or three years ago, when she couldn't figure out how to use the car wash (for the fifth time) and demanded me to call their office for a code to input for a free wash. This happened last time and the workers at the wash told us to call and somebody would walk us through on how to get the wash starting again. I'm already bad on the phone, in fact I don't pick up the phone even if it's a friend whom I know calling. The man who picked up was an older gentleman with a very quiet, soft voice, I have shit hearing and we're directly next to an incredibly busy road. I say to her that I can't hear him, before she grabs my phone away from me, cursing foreign under her breath before pulling her sweet angel voice, talking like an innocent child to the guy on the phone. She eventually figured it out but when she got back in the car she started screaming at me, asking me why I couldn't talk to people and eventually came to the conclusion that I was "socially retarded". She kept going on and asking me if I was, mockingly before coming back a few minutes later and apologizing when she realized I was upset and then started giving me reasons why I was at fault for her outburst. Just a week or so ago, I was talking with her about one of the counselling sessions and told her that I have anxiety and that the counselor said I might have a mild dissociation disorder. I probably just have a focusing issue rather than the actual disorder but before I could say anything or explain it she automatically states,"I knew it! You are socially retarded, I told you something was wrong with you." She's told me before that I need to be careful saying stuff because I might hurt her feelings but she obviously has no problem ramming her opinions out there. I am on the verge of hitting her, but I've held back so far and I'm not sure if it's from will or fear. So I just wanna know, is what she's talking about actually a thing. Is "social retardation" a thing and what is it if it is?
I have no idea whether it actually exists or not. I personally don't think you're retarded in any way. I have similar issues. I don't answer the phone when friends call. I only answer when it's my mom. I'm not good with people I can't talk to people I don't know and I can't make small talk. I'm ok on here but appalling in person. I won't take things back to shops cos it means talking to people. I want another tattoo but that means talking to the tattooist. I've wondered whether I might have a mild form of Aspergers.
No, "social retardation" is not a thing. It's not a recognized diagnosis or disorder, nor is it even colloquially considered a thing (at least that I'm aware of.) What you're describing sounds like pretty common social anxiety (or perhaps generalized anxiety) which is a recognized disorder (and pretty common, especially among people who are trans.) Your mother sounds very judgmental and self-absorbed. The fact that she realized she upset you, but still tried to make it about you instead of owning her role is probably a significant part of the reason you feel anxiety and discomfort in some social settings. It's good that you have a therapist. These sorts of thigns are great to talk about with your therapist in addition to discussing here. The major take-away here is, it is highly likely that the discomfort, anxiety, and difficulty you feel is a byproduct of what appears to be pretty impulsive and self-centered behavior by your mother. Once you begin to work on that in therapy, I think you'll see a pretty significant positive change in yourself.
So, I googled it, and apparently it's not a real medical diagnose but an informal way of calling someone with poor social skills. It's not a disorder, it's an opinion or adjectve, definitely nothing to worry about also, I know plenty of people who hate to answer the phone and don't have any mental health issues whatsoever, so you sound pretty normal to me. Also, as Chip said, anxiety could have a lot to do with this. That being said, i've got Asperger's and just wanted to say that if you do have a mental health issue, there's nothing wrong about that either, it's not something you should be ashamed about, nor something that really limits you in any way. With the right treatment the anxiety and the social problems get reduced to the minimum and you are able to function just like any other human being, just make sure to discuss this with a therapist if you think it might help. Also, it is mean of your mother to mock you about that subject. Maybe you could calmly ask her to mind your feelings as you mind hers? I don't know if this would do any good because I don't know your mother, but I suggest you try it if you think it might work. Best of luck!
@NerdbyNature // You might, it might also mean you have really bad anxiety. I had an uncle, I believe, who had really bad self-esteem problems and had such bad anxiety, that he could barely leave his house. I heard he's gotten to the point where he can go out shopping and to public places, but he's still bad with people. My dad tells me my anxiety isn't that bad and then uses his anxiety as an example to prove it. @Chip // I've actually recently come to stone conclusion that she is pretty self-absorbed but at the same time, I feel like she might not 100% be aware of everything she does. Maybe she does. And my dad recently got rid of my therapist .-. I'm not sure if I'm getting another one, but I don't want to go through the hassle of introducing myself to another person just as I got comfortable with this one. @Nox // Well, it's not that I want to say I'd feel bad about having a metal health issue, it's just whenever I get something pointed out about myself that's different, I get really sensitive because my mother always tells me that I'm strange and weird. I tried sneaking out to a youth support group and she blew up at me, calling me a faggot and telling me that gays can't live long because they're abnormal. I can't tell her to mind my feelings, she'll take it in an offensive way somehow. If I tell her she hasn't been minding my feelings she'll twist my words and get mad, saying that I said she doesn't take care of us, or that I was saying she was a bad mother.
