I've been away with cadets for a week and during that time one of the cadets cut. I don't know what they used, but they cut many times from their wrist to their elbow. They begged me not to tell the adults and cried. They said they'd never forgive me. I had to go and tell the adults. I got another cadet to help me and we told together. The cadet who cut cried, begged and screamed not to go to the adults, but we had to make them. Afterwards I cried because I was scared I'd made the wrong decision. Two of my friends reassured me I did what was right but I still feel bad. I can't get the image of their pale white arm, covered in blood; it running down their arm.
If you're curious what will happen I found this. It's from a specific school, but I imagine most of these programs run under very similar policies so it's likely this is what you can expect to happen now "ACTUAL ATTEMPT OF SELF-HARM a. In the event of an actual attempt of suicide or self-harm, with the expressed or implied threat of taking his life, or seriously harming himself or another person, the parents will be notified immediately and are required to respond as soon as possible to the school to take custody of their son. b. Prior to parental arrival, the cadet will be taken to the hospital if he is in need of medical attention or the school determines such action necessary. c. He will be under direct supervision of a Fishburne adult employee or under the supervision of the appropriate medical facility until the parent arrives and takes responsibility for the cadet’s safety and well-being. d. THE CADET WILL NOT BE LEFT ALONE AT ANY TIME while on the Fishburne campus nor will he be permitted to visit with other cadets. e. There is an additional charge of $275.00 per day or part thereof for this added level of supervision. f. The cadet will be suspended from the school pending a final separation action and may not return to campus. g. In the event a parent wishes to petition the school for their son’s continuation at Fishburne, they will be provided the steps and information to make a formal request." It seems the parents will be informed about the self-harm and this cadet will likely be removed from campus as a result of this. Beyond that what happens is up to the parents themselves. I don't think you did anything wrong. If someone is hurting themselves you have an obligation to inform someone who can help. It's not the easiest thing to do, but I think you did what's right in this case.
No, it's not a military school. Cadets is a voluntary activity. It's a disciplined uniformed youth organization. They won't get kicked out for it. They showed me. They've been previously diagnosed with Clinical Depression, Anxiety, PTSD and have many other mental health issues. They've been getting counselling for quite a while now and they've attempted suicide multiple times.
Shiiiiit. Well you did the right thing. They might be terrified, but if they showed you my guess is it was their way of asking for help without really knowing how.
As someone with the exact same diagnoses (depression, PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder) who used to cut for quite some time - you did the right thing here. This person needs help (or more intensive help than what they're getting at the moment) and their parents must be made aware of just how serious the situation has become. You did him/her a favor.
Congratulations on navigating an extremely difficult and ethically conflicting situation... and handling it perfectly. Honestly, you could not have handled this better. You recognized the issue, you thought about the conflicting values of your friend saying they'd never forgive you and compared that with the importance of helping your friend who obviously needed help... and made the difficult (and correct) choice to reach out and get your friend help. This is one of the most difficult and courageous things someone can do for a friend. And I can assure you that, eventually, your friend will understand and appreciate this. It may take a while, but this person will eventually do so..
I had thought as much, but when you google anything relating to policy it only pops up military schools. Ah well...guess you can't know for sure what'll happen if that's the case. I want to assure you though that you definitely did the right thing. It's not an easy choice to make and it might lead to bitter feelings for awhile, but I'm sure they'll come around in time. I do feel the need to say this though. I'm not sure why, but the world doesn't always like to work out for the best. Sometimes everything does work out well, but not always. You've done everything right, but now this is in your friend's hands to want to be better and the hands of the adults you told who have an obligation to do what' right, and it will also be in the hands of your friend's parents. You can't guarantee that anyone of them will make the right choices. I'm not saying that to be a pessimist, I actually hope that everyone does what they should and your friend gets the help they need. I just don't want you to be disappointed or feel like you've made a mistake if nothing changes or they get worse.
Totally did the right thing. Tough but better in the long run. I ended up teetering on a dangerous ledge because of cutting. Peace
Honestly given the circumstances you did the right thing. I'm really sorry that probably was hard telling one of the adults. I can't imagine, my heart goes out the the person who was self harming and you for telling somepony about it. It must have been hard. Gosh. (*hug*)
I've seen people after they cut their arms as well. I want to help them but I don't know what to say.
How about you talk to someone when you can't deal with it and refer to that person as anonymous? Or if you wanna help talk to them? Seriously if that ever happens again, don't do it like that, it's a real bitch move. People who cut really got enough problems, no need for reputation shaming man... To the people who say: "You did the right thing" I bet 100€ that none of you have been cutting and been clean for long enough to know what lasting effects stay when people know.
I had to do it or I would have been kicked out of cadets if I hadn't. As someone who also self harms, I know that it damaged her and I apologised. It's damaged me mentally as well. I didn't want to have to do it. I knew how much it would hurt her and maybe I was being selfish. Maybe I wanted for it not to be my problem because I have to come before then. I know how much it hurts. I know how much I've hurt them but I don't know what I could have done. Feel free to advise me. It's fucking haunting me. All I can see is her arm. I panicked. She's not holding it against me. I don't blame her for cutting. I know why she does it and I know why I hurt myself too. I don't respond to emotions well and I didn't know what to do. She trusted me and I betrayed that trust. She'll never get better though unless she gets help. I had to do what I did and I have to believe it was the right thing to do. Unless I'll end up dead in my bedroom.
I used to cut and have been clean for almost a year now. There are remnant scars, which I have been asked about many times. The OP absolutely did the right thing. Sometimes people with mental health issues - myself included - are often not in a place to know what is right for them. This cadet had already attempted suicide and was consistently self harming. They needed help, whether they wanted it or not. It may be difficult for the one who is self harming to deal with the shame or lasting effects, but getting better is more important. No one should suffer in silence.
If he would have been kicked out otherwise, that's something different now. And if they attempted suicide it's the job of the family to take care of them. But Kodo, believe me, being shamed is the last thing you need. Comparing it to staring people is comparing TNT to a nuclear attack. I was found out. I was betrayed. People that were like family slammed their doors in my face. Organizations I had brought honor with great achievements and worked with for years kicked me out, no official reason given of course, but the timing speaks for itself. All of that when I never caused trouble. And they did see the scars before. All that mattered was that it was public now, that I was a stain on their image. Which means for you, Cobra: Ensure it doesn't spread. The consequences can be more severe than people think.
I'm not going to shame her and no one else is. Everyone knows already. They all have for a long time. The cadets won't kick her out. They help troubled kids. Pretty much all of us have issues and there's been more than one of us who've self harmed and the adults talked to about it. they want to help. They don't want to talk about it. They told me to leave them be if it happens again but I can't. It's my duty as an NCO to make sure the cadets are okay. To not do so would be a direct violation of the values and standards. I know that this may sound selfish but my mental health has to come before them and its not my responsibility to deal with it. Of course I wouldn't spread it, but the adults are way more equipped to deal with this than me.
The first one's intention is always to help. And this is dangerous. Helping people don't know what to do and ask others for advice and help. This is how it spreads. No bad means, but a shitty outcome. Finally it reaches those who mean harm or are bored and looking for scandals. Tbh that rules sound like they want to make you co-dependent. Cutting is an addiction. And if the addict doesn't want to quit, they won't. If they don't drastically change their life, they might mean well but relapse is a matter of time. Values are great, but addiction is no super villain free to kill for eveybody. So take care of yourself and don't take that responsibility for the sake of your own mental health.
I'm aware it's an addiction. Self harm of any sort is an addiction. That's why my legs are covered in ugly scars. Whether she wants to give up cutting or not it's my responsibility as an NCO to make sure that the adults are aware of it. Thats as far as my responsibility goes. No one is shaming her. I know it hurt her. I've tried to leave it alone. I wouldn't have told if she didn't do it while we were on a camp with cadets. I didn't want to hurt her like that. She doesn't hold it against me. I'm sorry if this offends u but she needs to get a f*cking grip and stop being so sensitive. It's a choice to recover. Everyone relapses. I'm no stranger to self harm. It's an addiction, just as addictive to me as it is her but I didn't create new scars on my legs while I was there. The worst i did was punch a wall. I don't hold it against her but she needs to understand that if she does it at cadets, it won't stay secret. The adults will be told.
I'm gonna be blunt here, but you don't seem to be helping. It sounds like you are projecting your own experiences and fears onto this unnamed cadet. The OP has already clarified that they themselves have self harmed, so they do not need you to explain how and why its an addiction. We self-harmers know that already. I had urges off and on my whole fucking shift today and it sucks. But for real, its already said and done and i think being a selfharmer, the OP knows better than to spread it around town. This site is safe, its anonymous. ---------- Post added 21st Apr 2017 at 09:42 PM ---------- That's common. I have that happen to me too which i think is ironic cause i've done it before. It really depends how well you know the person tbh. My supervisors at work are noticeably nicer and more polite with me, and that alone helps. I would advice against offering to lend an ear or the like unless you truly mean it, though.
@Lunar: I just want him to be aware of what can happen. It's not about me being offended, it's about being careful. I feel like the warning sign of a cigarette box now Shit can happen, sometimes it doesn't. But if it doesn't it's no proof that it goes well everytime. Especially when the first helper is more emotional. Didn't happen this time, which is good. About that addiction warning: There is some kind of phenomenon that once you're clean you spread the good news and want to help. Gets you co-dependent. Don't want it to happen to him. I think we misunderstood there...
