Snarky comments from strangers- how to deal with?

So, picture the scene; you're having a good day (or maybe even an average day, or a bad day) and you're just walking through town, past a group of teenagers (usually girls) when they mark snarky/nasty remarks about your appearance.

Please tell me this happens to you too?! It keeps happening to me...actually it's always happened to me throughout my life. But it's sadly still enough to completely ruin my day when it happens.

My feelings about how I look kind of rest on a knife-edge anyway so they're pretty prone to this kind of thing. I never say anything or get aggressive cause obviously that's never going to resolve anything, but I'm embarrassed to say when this happens I always wonder for hours afterwardsand just get really upset about it thinking "Why were they sniggering at me?", "What makes me so ugly that they would pick on me?" (as it happens I think I am ugly but not horrible, and anyway no-one is deserving of this kind of thing for what they look like).

I don't know if I stand out in some way (they just always have to comment on my beard, as if no one had ever seen a man with a Goddamn beard before )

Honestly whenever I see a group of people under the age of say around 16 on the street I just try my hardest to avoid them lol. And at the moment it's school hoildays here so my town is swarming with them...

When this happens it just ruins my day because I overthink it and makes me feel worse about myself (I think it's the same as how cat-calling makes women feel perhaps). Obviously I can't change what I look like so I need to find a way to not care. Tips? And does this happen to you too??

 

I have a suspicion that they might not be mocking you. Tough to say. Could be they find something attractive and are poking fun (taking the piss). If it bothers you maybe try wearing some earbuds and play your favorite music.

 

If someone comments in your face, agressiveness actually helps. Had a group of teens with looking-for-trouble tone of voice ask me: "What are you?" And added some degrading word for intersex people, I didn't find a good translation sorry for that.

So I got my shoulders out and with the leather jacket I was wearing didn't make me look like a nice guy. So I stared them down, right in the eye, most people can't take that and asked in the most deep and intimitading voice: "You want a problem?"

They were away as fast as the hyenas in lion king when Mufasa arrived to rescue Simba.

Confrontation, Intimidation. But mind you, if you're not willing to fight, to hurt and get hurt you will not pull it off. It's not something to fake. It's something you gain from years of martial arts, walking around armed and training to never back off.

 

They are just showing off for their friends. You're not ugly but they've decided you won't challenge them when they yell out at you. If you have the wherewithal to standup to them, tell them to grow up. If you don't want to bother, just remember they're opinions mean absolutely zero in the scheme of things.

 

You can always, always change the way you look. And you should. Everyone has a bad angle or two, or three, but everyone has an attractive side too. Or two or three... It's not that there is this horrible troll deep inside of you that only teens can see but you can't. It's not that at all. It's that you fear ugliness may be an innate part of you. Well, screw that. View yourself as a canvas that you can make an unlimited number of changes to. Some changes will be good and some bad, you won't know until you start experimenting. Maybe your beard is bad. Maybe it is a good feature for you done the right way. What the fuck do teens know? All they know is how to make people feel bad. What an attractive feature that is coming from them, right? Here's what you do. If you have a feature you don't think is attractive then don't emphasize it. Don't try to hide it because that calls attention to it, which is emphasizing it. If you wear a beard to hide a double chin you should not do that. People with negative facial features should never try and hide them with a beard. It only calls attention to them. Being clean shaven is better because the negative feature doesn't get attention that way. Clothes can go a long way toward bring out your best features. Black is thinning so who should wear black? Thin people! It brings out their wonderful thinness. Heavyset people should never wear black. They should wear earth-tones that blend their large size into a naturally large space. No feature is innately negative, only your response can make it negative. I have a great heavyset friend who emphasizes his heaviness with a big baritone laugh. It makes his weight a very attractive feature and people love him for it. Try out various styles at a thrift store where mistakes don't cost so much. You have to actually buy the clothes and wear them in public, it's not enough to just look at yourself in the mirror with them on. If you are concerned you look dorky, maybe try them out in a neighborhood where no one knows you. The point is you must purchase them and walk around in public with them on to truly know how they make you feel about yourself in them. When you do find something that really works for you, then you can splurge on the real thing and go out and have the time of your life! And if that fails, or even if it works, never stop trying to improve yourself.

 

Thanks for your reply- I have started to take my ipod with me more recently and it does help. For example this morning​ these 2 homeless guys by where I work shouted something at me, and although it bothers me that they did that, i would probably feel worse if I knew exactly what they did say.

---------- Post added 21st Apr 2017 at 01:15 PM ----------

Thanks for your reply- that is really interesting because my first thought is always "Aggression!!" But then I tell myself not to. Although, I tried that the other day when someone collecting for charity shouted something at me in the street and it didn't go well lol

I guess sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

---------- Post added 21st Apr 2017 at 01:25 PM ----------

Thanks for the reply, but I'm not sure what to think of it tbh... I know you wouldn't know this as you don't know what I look like but I promise I am not fat! :lol: I work out and go running and walking several times a week.

I guess maybe mentioning the beard thing might not have been a good idea- opinions on facial hair are really divided. I didn't mention this but actually I really like it and have more confidence than when I was cleanshaveb. Trust me, my family would waste no time in telling​ me if it looked horrible on me!:lol:

About the clothes thing I actaully really love fashion and clothes and I *think* I have a good idea what stuff does/doesn't suit me. I have had compliments even from family friends and colleagues.

Sorry, I'm not having a go at you; actually I agree with what you say- I have been saving up to hopefully get plastic surgery on my nose one day.

I think the only other thing is that I have an ugly smile and ugly eyes, but i cant change them lol

Oh, and my hair is dreadful but then my hairline is receding so I keep it REALLY short which is the only option for balding men plus i wear hats whenever i can.

 

@Rainyday: Creative insults can cause some irritation. If they are asocial kids, do it the PC way: Are you Educationally-disadvantaged or something?

 

Teenagers are cunts. There I said it. They are horrible adolescent cunts who deserve a good slap. They are full of hormones and feel the need to be rude to total strangers. They are constantly ready for confrontation because they are in an environment (school or home) where the slightest disagreement can erupt into a full blown argument or fight at any second.

Just know that one day they will realise what cunts they were when they were younger and regret it. If they don't regret their horrible behavior from their teenage years, that's because they have grown up into useless cunts who take up space and are likely scrounging, doing drugs and shoplifting and not making a decent honest living.

So if they grow up to be scumbags, that's not your problem.

another thing you can do next time one of these kids insults you, is make a mental note of which school they go to (look for the emblem on their uniform) contact the school and tell them you were verbally abused by their students and give descriptions of them.

Or just tell these girls to go get pregnant and scrounge off benefits like the useless cunts they are.