I get easily offended by everything LGBTQ related and it's affecting my mood.

I feel you. I am still very much closeted about my gender and have to present as male constantly. Somehow transgender issues came up and one of my "friends" (later I found out he was just too polite to tell me to go away) started on about how you are whatever is between your legs and all that bullshit, and when I tried to defend the issue, another person started on about the mental illness stuff, and I didn't argue it further for fear of accidentally outing myself, and I felt like shit the rest of the day.

 

That feeling when you want to validate being trans from personal experience... then realize if you use personal experience you will be outed.

:eek::help:

 

I also know what it's like when the ignorant (and antagonistic) things people say to you are imprinted on your memory. This stopped being such a big thing for me after I finally came out. Not that the things people say now don't bother me at all, but it was worse when it used to happen and I felt like I couldn't speak up. My fear response would kick in at the same time and somehow that led my brain to store those memories in Long Term Storage. I gave way too much importance to the negative, or just stupid, comments of people who didn't know any better. I think partly because I was thinking "what if they knew about me?". But I was sooo not ready to come out at the time. I know myself a bit better now and could handle those situations a bit better (if not perfectly).

If the "what if they knew?" thoughts are the issue for you, remind yourself in those moments that you are under no obligation to share what you don't want to with bigoted people. And know that one day in the future you will be out and will be able to stand your ground with these people. But don't feel under any obligation to be at that point yet. Use those 'bigot comment' moments to realise that you're the most knowledgeable person in the conversation.

 

Oscarx,

You sound like you are dealing with a significant amount of shame and internalized homophobia brought on by the massive amounts of misinformation and a lack of understanding from the people around you.

Left unattended, the shame can dimish your self esteem and confidence, as your post taken as a whole suggests your currently struggling with.

However, you CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Your outreach here on EC shows you recognize exactly what is bothering you and how it impacts you. Simply by posting the above thread you have made yourself vulnerable which can help you recover your confidence and self esteem. Self esteem, confidence and self worth are all deep inside of you and I am sure it is just waiting to come out. Keep making yourself vulnerable - and find safe places for which to do so!

You will find a lot of support on EC. EC is a great place to open up, make yourself vulnerable in a confidential way, gain valuable insight from others and work to build your confidence and self esteem leading you to love whom you are.

In addition, are there other safe places in your community that you can embrace? Are you able to find an LGBT support group, social group or other similar organization? I can appreciate your not ready to come out and would have concerns about doing so, but is there a way to get involved confidentially with others where you live?

Keep posting! I think you will find it very cathartic and helpful.

 

I think that many of us who are still closeted feel this way or have gone through a period where we did.

It manifests differently for each person. For myself, I developed a sense of disconnect with the gay community. I don't feel like I really belong and even though I'm pretty much out, it still hurts me.

I know you don't plan on coming out per say, but maybe something to help you start accepting and growing within the community will help you?