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I hate my uncle.

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Nox, Apr 29, 2017.

  1. Nox

    Nox
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    So my mother's family is pretty conservative, but most of them don't really mess with anyone else's business if no one asks for their opinion, but one of my uncles, Germán just can't stop spilling innapropiate rasist, homophobic, transphobic and generally hateful coments everywhere he goes, using "religious arguments" (I have yet to read the bible passages for a lot of my uncle's claims. Honest, sometimes I don't know where these stupid interpretations even come from) to demonize everyone who disagrees with him, or who's in any way different.

    It's like he just assumes he is always completely right (therefore anyone who disagrees is wrong and stupid). Just today he denied the existance of trans people, and I'm not even talking non-binary trans, I mean trans in general, he stated we should all get psychiatric help because we are just crazy people. Posted right on Facebook for everyone to read, like he didn't even care if he hurt someone by stating that. I guess he simply assumes everyone around him is straight and cisgender; guess what? At least I am not, and when he states that my identity is wrong, or that I'm just imagining things because I'm crazy (And Ok, I've got Asperger's and I've had depression, but I'm pretty sure I'm not dilusional), and then he just smiles when he sees me, hugs me and says "You've really grown up!" Or something, and it disgusts me, because he's always publicly saying that I do not exist, and then he acts like he loves me when he doesn't even know who I am.

    I really want to tell him about my gender identity and my sexuality (rather, I want to spill it to his face), but on my mother's family you don't confront people, you just act like everything's cool, and then you go talking behind their backs. It's stupid, but if I were to go against the "family's protocol" my mother would be really pissed at me, and right now (when I legally and economically speaking, still depend on my parents' approval for almost everything I want to do) that would be pretty bad for me, also, his brother could decide he doesn't want to visit our place anymore, and I know that would make my mom sad (I don't think she would be missing out on much, tho).

    This man is coming to my home tomorrow and I just want to punch him in the face (I won't, tho, don't worry). If you have an advise to give, that would be great, but that's not exactly the reason why I wrote this, I guess I just wanted to share my anger in order to process it instead of spending the whole day tomorrow on the verge of exploding. Either way, thanks a lot to anyone who read this far, I know it ended up being kind of a long post xD sorry about that.
     
  2. Really

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    Hey Nox,

    It's good to get it out of your system. As much as you can, anyway. You need to let it out somewhere like here so you don't explode, so that's good.

    If I were you, tomorrow when your uncle comes around, I would take any opportunity to get out of the house. Walk the dog, offer to go to the store for groceries, go for a run/bike ride. Anything that uses up some energy and gives you some breathing space from the situation.

    If you can, try to tune out the conversation around you and just think about something else. If anyone asks, say you're thinking about a project you're working on. If you feel up to it, I don't see why you couldn't challenge him on racist comments. While it's not the same as standing up for yourself, which is understandably difficult at the moment, there's no reason you can't defend other minorities. It might make you feel a little better, too.
     
  3. beenthrdonetht

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    Sorry Nox, it is a bad situation. All I can say is that someone who can put his thoughts so clearly into words (in whatever language) has the intelligence and tact to handle this dumb tactless person.
     
  4. Nox

    Nox
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    Hello again!

    I have been really tired and busy lately, so I haven't been able to respond, but I do appreciate your answers a lot :slight_smile:

    Really, your advice helped me a lot! I avoided my uncle as much as possible, but then there was lunch (everyone sitting on the same table, and he, by coincidence, right next to me, yay!), and there were no hateful comments or "controversial" discussions, but I still felt angry and uncomfortable. I tuned out the conversation as you suggested, but my mother was concerned by my withdrawal and asked what was wrong, and I'm a terrible liar, so I just said I was thinking about something else, and my excuse to leave the house after lunch sounded weird, too. Either way, I was aloud to go out and just walked around the neighborhood until noon, which helped me relax, and also implied me getting home when my uncle was just about to leave (succes!). Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is you helped make a lousy situation a whole lot more tolerable, so thank you a lot!! (*hug*)

    and Beenthrdonetht (That's an amazing nickname, by the way). It was a pretty messed up situation, and it was partly because I felt like no one in my nuclear family (they all know me as a lesbian) seemed to even care about my anger when I talked to them the day I wrote the first post, and they all seemed to think I was just overreacting :frowning2: just reading that there are other people who think my anger is justified (and that I'm not just some hysterical kid) does a lot to improve my mood :slight_smile: also, thanks for the commentary on my writing! Sadly I can hardly express myself on a face to face conversation, especially when it's this important to me, but being able to write my ideas down and actually sharing them with others makes me more confident on my ability to express myself. Anyways, I hope it is as you said, and I eventually get to a point where I can handle and face people like my uncle. Thanks for reading and for your support, it means a lot!! (*hug*)
     
    #4 Nox, May 3, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: May 3, 2017
  5. Really

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    That's great, Nox! :thumbsup: